Shift OR Drift

Amberly

Killian was right when he described me over the phone. To a T. The shorts, my hair, the t-shirt. Even the placement of my notepad and laptop. He checked off every box as if he had been with me in this room the whole time. After we hung up the phone, my eyes stared into the laptop with a smile reflecting back at me. It was my own smile. The one a girl gets when a boy compliments her. The very smile other girls gave when they ran through the hallway in high school because their boyfriend told them he loves them. Easily addictive. Easily read. This time, I was the high school girl curled in my bed, a phone clutched in my hand and an easily read smile on my face.

If a stranger saw me, they would assume it was a good day dressed on my face. If a friend saw me, they would know it was more. More than a simple few words. Why did the way he describe me mean so much? In reality, it made me perceive, that Killian does pay attention. Even when he seems distracted or in a different place. He still notices me. Notices my hair. The music. The way one earbud occupies my ears as the other one is hanging low between my breasts. It was not about him being drunk when he said it. It was not about how he said it. It was the simple fact, that he makes me feel as if I am worth being seen.

After our phone call, exhaustion cloaked me and pulled me under. His voice soothed me in a way no one else ever had. Only to be woken up a few hours later. Most of the day had been spent sleeping. Exhaustion gripped my bones all day. From the long night with Killian, before he left, tiredness had rested in my body all day. He left shortly after I fell asleep that night. He talked to me but I never heard what he said, only a few mumbles, the kiss on my forehead before he left is what made me stir as sleep consumed me. I woke up in the afternoon with the comforter covering me and Killian's note with perfectly written cursive on it that stated, 'I'll be back before you know it.'

I kept the note and placed it on my dresser after AJ had to drive me home. He was too worried about my exhaustion to let me drive myself. Most of the day was spent in my bed between, sleep, music, and Lexy nearly force-feeding me. I felt like a lazy lounging queen. Then my phone ran, Killian and I talked for a while, and then the lights went out again. Drowning me in exhaustion.

Eight in the morning is when my eyes flickered open as the light beams from an outside shot into my face. Killian was right about the need for me to turn my bed. He hates the sun on his face in the morning as much as I do. He even managed to complain about it several days ago. He proclaimed he is getting me a bigger bed and black-out curtains. Neither of which has happened yet.

Killian told me his flight should be back around six tonight. In order to celebrate his father not killing him, I am going to make us dinner and have AJ pick him up. Everyone agreed to leave the house to us tonight, with it being Friday, my hope was to make dinner and stay home. The races will always happen tomorrow night as well. We can re-invite everyone after tonight. They only need to stay out long enough for me to talk to Killian.

My goal is to level the playing field and see if he will admit to me how he feels even if it is a half-assed, "I like you, Amberly," part of me needs something. Some sort of answer to cling to. I feel like I did in grade school when I met Blaze. The butterflies. The goofy laughs and smiles. It is all coming back to me except this time, it feels different, almost more powerful, than when Blaze Cartel and I met. We were freshmen in high school. New to the realities of the world. New responsibilities. New friends and, at the same time for me, a new boyfriend.

Back then my worries were only about what races to plan out, and what outfit I was going to wear that my father would approve of. Sundresses have never been my thing and yet in this very moment with a curling wand held in my hair and a skintight dress clinging to my curvy body, the only thing on me is a dress. Not a fluffy sundress all the girls wear as they trample through a sunflower field. Nope, this is the dress that screams check me out. It's long and flowy. Tight in the bodice. Killian will like it. He always hated having to resist putting his hands on me before but now, there is not a whole lot stopping him. No looming fathers. No restraint from touching me. The desire to keep him away is no longer present, not that I can say I was successful in the first place in any way.