"Hey Robin."
I know I sound subdued, but I have nothing else to hide my nerves under.
"Steve..." Robin squints at me, trailing off into a silent question.
I shrug.
"I'm fine. Everything's fine."
She doesn't look like she believes me at all, but she drops it without another word.
We wait in awkward silence as I fumble my shoes off and fling them onto the mud room flooring.
I can hear the people in the room next door, particularly Dustin's excited voice.
He's telling some sort of joke and Will is laughing.
I swear that I can hear Eddie's grin.
"Everyone here?" I stall.
Now that I'm actually in the house, I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack.
The idea of going in and talking to people is too much.
Robin presses her lips together and I can tell that she's figured me out.
"Yes," she plays along. "All are accounted for."
"Cool."
I exhale.
Deep, consistent breaths are the key here, I believe.
Robin is looking more and more concerned.
"I'm fine." I numbly repeat the words to stave her off.
"If you say so."
This time she voices her doubts.
"Can I just spend five minutes in your room?" I ask.
The panic is rising and if I don't get out of here soon, it's not going to be good for anyone.
"Of course." Robin answers immediately.
As if any part of me believed that she'd refuse.
"Just... promise me that, if you can, you'll show up?" she asks with a soft half-smile.
I'm not planning to stay in her room all night, at least for now, so my answer is easy.
"Yeah," I agree, with sound as soft as her grin. "You won't even miss me, I'll be in there so fast."
"Okay."
She turns to walk back into the living room, then pauses, turning back to me.
I can tell that she wants to hug me or something, so I open my arms.
"Come on," I nudge.
She's back in front of me in a split second and then I've pulled her into a squeezing embrace.
"See... nothing to worry about, love," I murmur into her hair.
"Good."
She pulls back and releases me with a lighthearted shove.
"Now go, but make sure you don't stay gone!" she calls before disappearing behind the living room door.
"I promise!" I shout.
But the room's already swallowed her, so probably no one even heard me.
I give my cast-off shoes a rueful glance.
If only I could slip them back onto my feet and disappear down Robin's drive again.
But I promised I'd show my face, even if I can only last five minutes in the same room as Eddie and his new friend.
And I've just realized that I forgot his vest.
Oh well.
Maybe it's a sign.
I've had it long enough that it's pretty much mine already.
I turn my attention to the stairs that wind upwards to Robin's bedroom.
Letting myself go up there probably isn't a very good idea, because I know that I won't want to come back down here, but I don't feel ready to face anyone right now.
I don't need much convincing.
Upstairs it is.
I slowly make my way to the top landing, allowing my trudging steps to creak against the wood of the flooring.
Robin's room is the first on the left side of the south-facing hall and I can already see her eclectic wall posters through the slight opening in the doorway.
I've spaced out against that wall so many times in the last couple of months, it's almost like an old friend.
I could probably name every single reference that covers it, from memory alone.
I've slept over here a lot lately too, so I know Robin's floor even better than my own.
More than a few times, I've passed out against it and woken up with my nose smushed into a knob in the floorboards.
I exhale as I walk through the threshold, my senses instantly filled with the familiar feeling of the space.
I can almost taste the secrets that we've whispered here.
They are hidden in the folds of Robin's bed, the wrinkles in her curtains, the chips in the ceiling paint.
I close my eyes and drown out all of my whirlwind thoughts about Eddie.
I'll be back in ten minutes.
