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Z&S: how they celebrated Sath's birthday

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Z&S: how they celebrated Sath's birthday

"Ni hindi nga nag-ce-celebrate ng Christmas, 'te." untag ni Melay habang naguunat ng ulo. "Anong magiging regalo mo riyan? Siguro naman maiintindihan n'ya kung hindi super special ang birthday?"

Napabuntonghininga na lang ako sa sinabi n'ya.

"May regalo naman na ako. Baka lang kasi. . .sawa na ni Sath."

My gift was a car keychain with our initials on it. Sobrang random pero wala na talaga akong maisip. It makes me feel bad that I couldn't get him anything that's more fancy or something that's for a good cause.

I think about it constantly—sobrang hirap magregalo kapag nabigay mo na lahat. On the previous years, I got him hoodies and jackets—kumpleto na ang rainbow sa kulay pa lang. Pakiramdam ko umay na umay na siya sa creamcheese at blueberries dahil halos linggo-linggo siyang may blueberry cheesecake sa 'kin. Palagi ko na rin sini-search kung ano ang meaning ng mga regalo—I couldn't afford another mishaps about gifts. The last time that I gave him one made me guilty because it was a handkerchief; a sign that I would be making him cry.

Nagkikita kami ni Melay dahil iisang school lang naman ang pinapasukan namin. Bea was in a different institution so I had to be blockmates with Melay. Ngayong nasa kolehiyo ay mas naging mahigpit kami sa oras ni Sath. I feel bad but only an hour for our time together was allocated. Pangit man pakinggan pero binigyan talaga namin ng oras ang landian namin. Pareho kaming graduating na halos, we really need time management.

Sana talaga di na lang ako nagpagod no'ng senior high school. Nilandi ko na lang nang nilandi ang isang 'yon kaysa naging masyado akong competitive. Ngayon tuloy ay di ko na ma-enjoy ang bonding namin dahil palaging bitin.

"You want this to be special not because it's his day but because it's the only day that the both of you are available the whole day?" Melay cleared out, halos humihingal na siya dahil wala siyang tuldok sa pagsasalita.

Tumango naman ako habang nilalagay ang yellow pad sa bag ko. Goodness, weekdays pa ngayon kaya naman may pasok kami. Hindi pa nga whole day talaga ang oras na magkasama kami. Hati pa rin talaga.

Mas mabibigyan siya ng atensyon ng iba.

I still fight with inner demons most of the time. I fidget my fingers to divert it. No, I'm doing the best that I can and Sarathiel understands that. It is enough for him. Humugot ako ng isang malalim na hininga bago ito pakawalan.

Nabibigyan ko siya ng atensyon na hindi gaya sa iba.

I affirmed myself. You are trying, Zafirah. It is enough for now.

"Pupunta na ako sa building nila, Mel. Una na muna ako," paalam ko sa kan'ya.

"Magpapanggap ka ba na hindi mo alam na birthday n'ya?" tanong nito.

I shook my head. "No! Bakit ko naman gagawing masama ang loob n'ya ngayong araw? Late ko lang mabibigay ang gift ko dahil hanggang gabi pa naman kami magkasama."

"Ooh, Zafi. You're so naughty!" Melay giggled which boiled my head.

"Gaga! Walang gano'n! Kasama namin parents n'ya!"

It was a dinner celebration. Namumula ang pisngi ko habang papalabas ako ng classroom. Bago pa man 'yon, manonood kami ni Sath ng pinakabagong Marvel movie na nilabas. It was part of our relationship considering it was one of our firsts. We had our first date at a cinema. Kahit pa unofficial ang isang 'yon.

Zafirah:

Nasaan ka?

Sath: