Hold You Accountable (Published) | ✓

Kabanata 22

Kabanata 22

July pa lang pero 'yung pagod ko pang-March na.

The academic workload was just too heavy. Ito na siguro 'yung part na pang-college sa senior highschool. Palagi na akong walking zombie sa hallway dahil sa dami ng iniisip. I had to review everyday, para makahabol ako sa klase.

"Kagrupo kita sa PracRe 2 'di ba?" I asked Ade who was seating on one of the desks.

Nakahalukipkip lang siya habang nakatingala sa'kin. He slowly nodded his head at me.

"Yeah."

In a small voice, I ask him.

"Pwede bang ikaw na lang leader?"

Wala talaga akong panahon maging leader ngayon. I was already stressed because my grades were declining from my expectations.

At saka, nawawalan na talaga ako ng gana sa pag-aaral. It doesn't feel the same anymore. It is more like a responsibility that I don't want to do anymore. Pakiramdam ko ay ayoko na lang bigyan ito ng kahalagahan.

He gawked at me before slowly nodding his head. Mukhang hindi siya makapaniwala.

"Sige lang. I already created a GC and added our members by the way." He said, in a laidback tone.

I wanna be as chill as Ade. Hindi ko siya nakikitang nagr-review sa school pero kahit papaano naman ay matataas ang scores na nakukuha niya. I know because I'm the one who records our scores before giving the summarized version to our Prof.

Imagine knowing all of the scores of your classmate. It just makes you feel like crap, lalo na kapag nakikita kong mas mataas pa saakin si Ria.

Bumuntonghininga ako.

It's not like my practical research groupmates are bad. Ayoko lang talaga maging leader sa ngayon.

All of our groupmates in PracRe 2 are responsible. Although, I don't really have friends in them unlike last time.

They're really detached compare to my groupmates last year. Alam ko naman kung bakit. Sometimes forming friendships in practical research is bothersome.

PracRe 2 is more stressful than PracRe 1 because our topics are limited to our strand. It also deals with statistics. Kaya kung akala mo goodbye stats ka na, you got it all wrong.

Hindi ko rin maiwasan ang tingnan ang bawat progreso ng ibang grupo at i-kumpara ito sa progreso namin.

Gio's group had the best topic proposal. Saamin ay ilang beses pa kaming ni-reject dahil marami kaming kaparehas na topic. Our topic should be aligned for our strand this time, dapat may connection 'yung research na gagawin namin para sa strand namin.

I didn't want to compare myself to Gio. Pero pakiramdam ko ay unti-unti na akong napagiiwanan.

I was walking down the hallway of the main library, bagsak ang mga balikat nang makatanggap ako ng text.

Sath:
Did you skip lunch?

Nagulat ako nang may nag-text saakin. I was in the middle of browsing some RRLs for our PracRe, nasa study hall ako ng library ngayon.

Zafirah:

Hindi. Why?

Sath:

Didn't see you :( also been asking your friends if you're okay. You look gloomy daw.

Zafirah: