𝙎𝙒𝙀𝙀𝙏𝙀𝙎𝙏 𝙎𝙈𝙄𝙇𝙀, 𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩

𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯

( tw: ptsd, eating disorder, anxiety )

lou delicately touches around your face, specifically the places where you last had any remaining injuries. you look at her with curious eyes. "do they look all right?" you quietly ask. "they healed beautifully," she responded, her fingers moving down to your slightly parted lips. "have you looked at yourself yet?" your eyes drifted down. lou lifts your chin to hers, practically forcing the eye contact. she raises an eyebrow. in all honesty, you hadn't managed to look at yourself since the attack. there was probably some deep rooted meaning behind that, but you had no time to dwell on it. "not yet," you reply. lou's grip softens, studying you and your body. "have you been eating?" she questions. you scoff and sit up. "i really don't want to talk about any of that, lou." she sits up next to you, placing a hand on your lower back, causing you to flinch. she swiftly takes her hand off your body. "you are pale (y/n), you don't look well." you turn to face lou. "i'm fine." lou slightly frowns at you. "say it again." you take a deep breath. "i'm fine," you say, your voice slightly cracking, tears brimming your eyes. lou sympathetically looks at you, longing to embrace you. "can i touch you?" she asks, scooting closer. you shake your head as she wraps her arms around your slimmer body, hugging you closer to her chest.

"i don't know why i'm still... like this," you say shrugging with a small sniffle. "my darling, you aren't acting odd or unusual," lou says while running her fingers tenderly through your hair. you were still against her chest. "but i am." lou shakes her head with a small grin. "you went through a trauma, (y/n). trauma changes people." now it's your turn to shake your head. "i didn't go through a trauma." lou brushes some stray strands of hair behind your ear. "yes you did. the attack was traumatic. but also, the way your parents treat you -- that is potentially traumatic." you think about what lou was explaining and to your surprise it made sense. the understanding quickly faded into fear. what if lou didn't want to date someone with trauma? what if--. lou must've sensed your anxiety. "but this is why we are healing, love. trauma doesn't have to define you." you fiddled with shirt lou was wearing. the gray material felt soft between your fingertips. "what do i need to do in order to heal from my trauma?"

lou placed a small bowl of ice cream in front of you as you sat at the island in the kitchen. tammy and rose were sitting at the table for support. you were unsure if it was support for you or for lou. lou places a spoon in your hand. "what does this have to do with trauma?" you ask, your eyes raising to lou's in curiosity. "you'll see when you finish the bowl," she says with a slight smile. you press your lips together as you nervously took a spoonful of the cold dessert. you close your eyes as your mouth closes around the spoon. you think for a moment -- it was so sweet and refreshing. when you open your eyes you see lou smiling at you. tammy and rose were standing next to lou, ice cream bowls in their hands as well. rose smiled at you and took a big spoonful of ice cream. "we are so proud of you, (y/n)." a large beaming smile spread across your face as you took another bite. you didn't know how long you all sat in the kitchen, laughing and making a mess with whipped cream, but you all sat there until your bowl was empty.

tammy and rose had to go run an errand to rose's office, leaving you and lou alone in the kitchen. "do you know why i had you eat the ice cream, my love?" lou questioned. "to help me not be afraid to eat?" lou chuckled before embracing you in a big hug. "to help you enjoy the little things in life. like eating a bowl of vanilla ice cream and talking to your friends." you smile to yourself as you melt into lou's arms. she leaned down to your ear. "did it work?" she asked in a whisper. you turn to lou with a smile. "of course it worked, you are magic, lou miller." lou smirked at you as you pushed your lips onto hers. you didn't miss the throbbing pain of your busted lip for a second.

"now what's next?" you inquired, not expecting there to be anything else since it was later in the night. "you might not to be happy about this one, but we need to bite the bullet," lou started explaining. somehow, you already knew what she was talking about before she asked it.

you and lou stopped in front of the familiar restaurant. your breath shuddered as your hand subconsciously reached for lou's. "this might've been too soon," lou said while watching your expressions. you shake your head. "nonsense. it's on one of the busiest streets in new york, it's bound to have happened." you turn to lou, a small frown was on her face. you squeeze her hand. "you didn't force me into doing this," you began to reassure the blonde. "plus, we never had our date yet!" you exclaimed with a wink. lou smiled at you as you looped your arm in hers and walked in the front of the restaurant. 

walking into the busy aroma, you instantly felt yourself tense up. "are you alright?" lou questions, pulling you closer to her. you nod and allow yourself to finally breathe. a man comes to the stand, pulling out two menus. "for two?" he questions, making eye contact with you. your breathing hitches, the man had the same face as your ex. it couldn't be, it's not... "(y/n)," lou says. "(y/n)," she says firmly, turning your body to hers. "it isn't him. he isn't here. he's in jail, he can't hurt you anymore." you hesitantly nod your head before looking back to the waiter. instead of the brunette hair and blue eyed man you once loved, you saw a younger blonde man. "are you alright, miss?" he asks, concerned. your eyes drift down to his nametag -- ben. not your ex's name. you nod your head. "i am now," you say with a smile as you gently squeeze lou's hand.