𝙎𝙒𝙀𝙀𝙏𝙀𝙎𝙏 𝙎𝙈𝙄𝙇𝙀, 𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙨 𝙚𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩

𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯

( tw: ptsd, depression, mention of eating disorder )

it had been a couple weeks after the attack. your face had mostly healed, except from your lip. a small white scar lined from the top to the bottom on your lips. you also hadn't left the house for those weeks. you mostly stayed in the comfort of your own room or in the comfort of lou or the girl's presence. they began to get worried about you. eating less, talking less, doing the basics less. they wanted to help but you wouldn't talk about the attack with anyone.

a small knock came from the other side of your door. you paused your show as you opened the door just a crack. tammy stood on the other side, beaming a large smile, and holding a plate of food. "i made you this," she said holding the plate out to you. you took it gingerly, looking down at the sandwich, fruit, and salad. "thank you, tammy," you said with a small smile. tammy nodded and went to turn away, but instead walked into your room. tammy's heart shattered when she saw the mess you were living in. clothes all over the floor, dirty dishes piled on nearly every surface, balls of trash inches away from the trash can, and the lack of sunlight. she frowned. you awkwardly ran your hand through your greasy hair. "i'm sorry about the mess. i was meaning to get around to it." tammy walked over to the large window and opened the curtains. the sudden impact of sunlight caused you to shut your eyes. she takes a deep breath before turning to you. "i understand that you have a lot going on, but this is no reason for you to stop trying. you need to let me in or at least someone in. we are so worried about you, sweetheart!" her eyes were pleading with your own. "tammy.." you start but she cuts you off. "i know you struggle with eating and i know you won't face it. i know that you are struggling now with this attack and you are in stuck in denial. let me help you face this, (y/n). i'm right here." tammy exclaims, walking over to you and holding your shoulders. your eyes begin to well with tears. "right here?" tammy nods with a small comforting smile. "right here and i am not going anywhere, okay?" you nod as tammy hugs you.

tammy and you sit down on your bed. "your bruises.. they're healing a lot." tammy smiles. you place a hand where your bruises used to be. "they feel a lot better, too," you relay the same smile. "tell me what's been going on with you," tammy says, hoping she didn't dive in too fast. you clear your throat. "i.. nothing really.." you lie. tammy arches an eyebrow. "(y/n), there is no judgement here. i want to help you, you aren't burdening me with your feelings." you shakily nod your head. "you haven't left the house in weeks." you begin to blink back tears. she was right. it had been weeks since you've seen sunlight, since you've been out and about, since you felt the wind in your hair. "i don't feel safe anymore," you quietly say. "i know he's locked up and can't hurt me, but what if..." tammy cuts you off. "there is no 'what ifs,' he is in prison and he is not going to get out in a very long time." she leans closer to you. "he can't hurt you anymore." tears began to drop from your puffy eyes. "can i touch you, sweetie?" you nod your head as tammy embraces you. "you are safe. we are not letting anything happen to you ever again, okay?" you nod. "for now, we are going to pick up the pieces and put you together again." you wipe your eyes. "first things first, you need to get showered. then, we are going to go on a walk." your breathing hitches. "i know you don't want to, but we need to."

you leave tammy alone in your room as you go into the shower. you turn on the water before undressing. you look at your reflection in the fogged mirror as you examine the fading bruises on your ribs. they were a deep yellow and still occasionally prickled with pain. you took a deep breath before getting into the shower. you let the warm water run over your hair and your body. you try to fight off the worry that he was in there, waiting for you to be at your most vulnerable, but you fail. your body weight suddenly becomes too heavy to support and you slide down the damp wall of the shower. you begin to hyperventilate. thick tears blur your vision. the bathroom door swings open, the shower door momentarily follows. you shield your face as you begin to plead with the unknown person. "(y/n), it's me. it's lou, it's okay." you slowly uncover your face, eyes meeting with lous. "can i touch you?" she softly inquires, careful not to set off your flight or fight response. you nod your head as lou gets into the shower with you, wrapping her arms firmly around your shaking body. she didn't care that you were naked or that she was getting soaked in water, she just wanted you to know that she was there. you relaxed into her arms, letting small sobs escape your shaking frame. "you're going to be alright, okay, love?" you take a shaky inhale. "i'm going to be alright," you repeat. 

lou helps you wash your hair and get rinsed off, ignoring your apologies the entire time. "i don't think i'm ready to leave yet," you whisper to lou, as she wraps you in a towel. "if we wait any longer, you will never be able to leave this house." she wrapped you in another warm embrace, as your body language shifted. "we will start small and you will get better. i promise." you return the hug. "i'm sorry for being such a burden," you whisper. lou releases you from the hug. "don't ever say that, (y/n). you are not a burden, okay? you are healing and i am so lucky to be able to help you through that." you look away from the blonde, guilt filling your chest. "look at me," she says with a slight smile. her thumb gently guiding your chin to her. "i love you, (y/n). you are not alone." you rest your forehead against lou's. "i love you too."