Becoming a Founding "Father"- Historical Hamilton

Chapter Twenty-Five: Damning Secrets and Broken Promises

My blood goes cold. My breathing quickens, and it sickens me that I don't feel faint. "Ma'am, I-"

"Don't you dare 'madam' me, you-" she shouts, looking me up and down. "-you bitch! How could you do this? And to think that you had gotten away with this- this blasphemy is completely outrageous! And why? Why would you go against God's wishes for you?"

She's drowning in fury, and that's all I could see in her eyes, black with rage. Her voice was getting increasingly higher in pitch, and I curl into myself. "And to think- a woman masquerading as some soldier!" I flinch when she calls me a woman. Vague echoes from my childhood home flash in front of my eyes. "I cannot believe that someone could be that low!"

"Margaret, I-"

"People trust you! I trusted you! And turns out that everything was one large lie?" She looks both hysterical and devastated. "And why? Are you a spy? Or do you just take pleasure in corrupting the men and women around you?"

I'm shocked, and I interrupt her. "How the fuck did you get to that conclusion?" My voice isn't as powerful as hers, but it's still loud, even if it hurts to use it. "I know you're furious, but what have I ever done for you to-?"

"This!" She shouts, gesturing at my entire being. "Why would ever want to act as a man otherwise?" She scoffs. "No wonder all of your 'friends' come here like starving dogs!" She then gasps, looking at me, disgust clear in her eyes. "Do they know? Is that why General Washington, the Marquis and Hamilton excuse your strange behaviors, just to get under your skir- in your breeches?"

I watch she nears me. "Tell me if this was worth your dignity. Or did you gladly let those men in between your legs?"

I look back at her in shock, and outrage. "Do you not hear yourself? I haven't slept with any of my friends or my fucking commander! You know me, Margaret!"

"No, I do not!" By now, tears were streaming down her face, but she didn't make any effort to wipe them away. Anger started building itself up in my chest, and I- albeit painfully- sit up straighter. "It seemed like I had finally gained a friend in this damned place, and then you turn out to be some imposter! I know nothing about you- I don't even know your god-damned name, Solomon!"

"What has my gender have to do with our friendship?" I shout back. "We are friends! I never lied to hurt anyone! I only ever tried to keep this-!" I grope my breast through my shirt. It's quite large and heavy, and I've never hated my body more than I do now. "-A secret!"

"Keeping secrets is no different than lying! Both are immoral and will get people hurt! Why would you ever even do this to yourself?"

"Because you're not allowed to do shit as a woman!" I shout, making her still. "All women are expected to do these days are cook food and birth children! What if I want to do something more in life? Then what?" She stutters, clenching her skirt, and I take the chance to continue. 

"Those men out there would rather die than listen to someone in a corset! No, I'm not crossdressing for some kind of sick pleasure, or to seduce any of my colleagues!" I finish with a final shout, and she's silent. She looks at me with the strangest combination of distrust and defeat.

The silence stretches on, and I shift slightly, unsure of how to continue. I care for Peggy- she's one of my closest friends, and this stifling air makes my heart break. After another few moments, she just says a single word. "When?"

"What?"

"When did you begin this- this blasphemy?" I wince, and look down. Memories come flooding in, some not as pleasant as others.