google translate - s.akashi

12 | [name] is an idiot

★
[NAME]

it's been two weeks since the incident at the halloween party. it seems like most people didn't see what happened, but a couple people still stare at me when i walk to my classes. i still can't really tell if kuroda spilled her red beverage on me by accident or on purpose. i don't really have the courage to ask her, and i would rather forget about the whole experience completely.

i haven't been able to use my 'i cant speak your language so it's okay for me to be a little behind' excuse in school anymore. my gym teacher caught me speaking to someone in japanese while i was waiting for akashi to leave the change room. everyone now treats me like i'm fluent. i wouldn't call myself fluent though, i would say i'm more practiced.

i sit behind akashi in math like i usually do. i've completely tuned out what my teacher is saying, even if i can understand what he's saying. i prefer when akashi explains the lesson to me during the work period our teacher gives us at the end of every lesson. his notes are easy to copy. they're neat and he make little notes about what each step means.

i am not a super big math person, so having akashi here to explain literally every detail to me is awesome. i've managed to keep my average at an eighty, which i don't think is that bad.

the lesson finally ends, i grin and sit up, waiting for akashi to hand me his notes. i love taking notes. it always takes me awhile though. everything has to look perfect.

i watch akashi's arm move ever so slightly as he finishes the last couple of details. he then sits up straight, looks everything over once, and turns to me. "this one might take you awhile to write down." akashi murmurs, placing his finger on a graph. "i know you don't like graphs."

"thank you." i whisper back quietly, placing his notes to the left of my blank sheet of paper.

akashi pats me on the hand and smiles softly before turning back to his own desk. a light blush dusts my cheeks.

something else that has changed are my feelings for akashi. i think.

i don't typically developed crushes on people, to be honest i kind of hate it. the feeling makes you act differently around the person you like, and i don't want to act differently with akashi. i don't think i've liked someone since seventh grade back in america. maybe i had liked him this entire time and the jealousy i felt just helped me realize it? i really don't know. i wouldn't say that i'm opposed to a romantic relationship with akashi, but i don't think he feels the same about me, and telling him how i feel about him may make things awkward.

and then there's kuroda. she obviously has some sort of feelings for akashi as well, but i guess she isn't really a problem seeing as akashi doesn't even like her as a person.

i need to lose this little crush of mine, without messing the friendship we already have.

i think about how friends act around eachother. i pull out my phone and do a quick google search, keeping one eye on akashi, making sure he doesn't turn around. looking up 'what do friends do' on google could be suspicious.

the first response that shows up is the one that i read. i need to help akashi celebrate the good times and help him through the hard times. a little further down the first page is a list of activities friends usually do together.

my goal for today is to keep my relationship with akashi the way it is. friends only. i'll start after i finish copying these notes.

★
[NAME]

akashi and i sit in our usual spot of the roof of the school. my books are sprawled out across the floor like always. right now we are going over a few math equations so i know what to do when we have our test tomorrow. we'll probably start working on writing in a little bit.

that is my one weakness as of right now. i cant write kanji. the characters are hard for me to remember and when i can remember the correct one i can never write it down correctly. it is truly a struggle.

my thinking is constantly interrupting by the urge to pat akashi on the head, or hold his hand, or wrap my arms around him. i shake these thoughts away everytime.

i then remember my objective.

"sejuro." wait for friends call eachother by their first names? "akashi? sejuro?" this is too stressful. he gives me a confused look.

"i'm here for you." i go to place a hand on his shoulder, but then i decide against it. no contact. "because we're friends."

"are you okay?"

good god it sounds like i'm staging an intervention for my gambling addict father back in america. i shake my head. "i'm fine! i just want you to know i'm here for you because we're friends." i scoot away from him, suddenly feeling like i'm sitting to close to him. am i acting differently? has he noticed? "how about instead of working on kanji we online shop together. that's an activity that friends do together."

constantly repeating the fact that we're only friends is a desperate attempt at convincing myself that i only see akashi as a friend and nothing more.

"[name] what is going on with you?" he asks, his expression morphs into a concerned one.

"nothing! i'm just letting you know that we're-"

"that we're friends. i get it." he examines me before moving closer to me and placing a hand on my cheek. "you don't usually act like this. is there something going on? did kuroda say something to you."

so i was acting differently. i frown. "no she didn't." i sigh myself. "there really isn't anything wrong.. i don't know.. i don't know what i'm doing." i guess there isn't really anything i can do to stop the way i feel about akashi. it isn't really a big deal anyways right? it will probably pass, and until then i can just let it sit. "i'm sorry."

"it's no problem [name]. but if you need support i'm here. because we're friends." he repeats what i just said. i groan. hearing him call us friends hurts more than me calling us friends.

-

short one i'm tired

is this slowburn and i going a good job