anxious and alone |dnf|

who's there

TW: drugs and use, addiction, depression, anxiety, nosebleeds (blood), slight personality change, being high (possibly descriptions)

Dreams POV:

I'd finished 7 of the small little bags all combined. Everything felt amazing. My body almost felt numb and I nodded off every few minutes, my mind foggy. The table was covered in white(ish) powder, and when I tried to wipe it off some patches of it stayed stuck to the table.

I lay my head against my shoulder when all of a sudden I feel my nose run, quickly paced. Though when I tried to wipe it away my fist was covered in blood. The dark red liquid dripped down onto my shirt, and carpet. I continuously wiped my nose, having no energy to stand up or grab any tissue. My eyelids felt heavy and eventually closed. My nose now bleeding all over my mouth and chin, uncontrolled.

I wake up with dried blood slightly covering my body and hands. (Quick drug use warning) I sit up a little, taking a small line of each up the nose, clearly not caring about the nosebleed that had occurred. (Warning over.)

"Ew," I mumble as the taste of blood enters my mouth. I shakily grab hold of the couch behind me and stand up stumbling to the bathroom. The mirror reflected back a horrid picture. I look disgusting. A dark red, almost brown colour covered my mouth to my neck, then to my chest. I take off my shirt and walk toward the shower, standing beside it as if I were waiting for it to turn on itself. I reach my hand over to the nozzle but become interrupted by my body trying to doze off. I fell into the wall slowly and leaned forward a little. I stand up straight, my brain finally in control again. It happened another few times before I gave up and sat down against the wall. My legs were flat against the floor and my head leaning on the ledge of the tub, crying quietly. I don't know how to explain what I felt, but the only word that came to mind was "failure."

My nose begins to bleed again, this time only out of my right nostril. I continue to cry as I stand up and turn on the tap, wiping the blood away. I stuff some toilet paper in my nose and use some more water to get the rest of the dried blood off of my body. Watered-down blood slowly dripped down my chest until I grabbed a towel and dried myself.

Another few tears run down my cheeks. I walked back into the living room and grab two small bags of each drug, taking them into my room and hiding them under my mattress. I take off my shorts and change into new boxers, then crawl into my bed.

After what seemed like an eternity I take the toilet paper out of my nose and throw it onto the floor, having no more blood running down my face.

My body slowly shut down, falling into a deep sleep. My phone was dead and I couldn't find my charger. So at this point sleep was my only time pass.

Everything felt warm like the sun was shining down on me lightly. There was a sunset, but no clouds in sight. A few birds flew over us as we lay back against the soft grass. Us? I look over to my left and see George. His cheeks were glowing and his eyes glistening. He moved his hand on top of mine, flipping it over and intertwining our fingers together. "I love you." he said. My heart soared and butterflies consumed my stomach, this time they weren't on fire. He moves closer and rests his head on my chest, looking up at me his face leaning closer to mine. Our lips hovered over each other with only centimeters filling the gap between us.

Seconds before we kiss I wake up, and someone knocks at the door. I didn't have the energy to get it. Although as they knocked again I hear a faint voice.

"Clay! Please open the door." a man said, his voice oddly familiar.

No. It's not him. IT'S NOT GEORGE. I'm dreaming.

I hear the front door open and my body freezes. "Clay?" he speaks softly, his footsteps inching closer.

~

:o

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!