TW: anxiety, addiction, depression, alcohol, drugs, minor self-harm, minor withdrawal, description of being high
THERE WILL BE ANOTHER FAST FORWARD AT THE END (will include drug deal)
Dreams POV:
Ever since I got a higher dosage I have been taking more. I can't stop. It feels so good to be taking them one after another. I've been ghosting everyone, even George, but it's a small price to pay. He doesn't need to know what is happening. I'm better than ever.
It takes around 20 minutes for the feeling to kick in, but when I feel the effect I can't think of anything except for how good it feels. Not needing to care about anything else around me, being able to enjoy every second without worrying whether or not George hates me, the physical pain all goes away. I can finally lay down and rest. The second I feel my hands begin to shake I take another, canceling out the upcoming anxiety before it even happens. Each day I take around 4-6 of the pills, from the moment I wake up to minutes before I find myself falling asleep. Nothing could be better.
My house has gotten messy again, maybe more than before, but I don't care this time. Towels and empty pill bottles from anything I could find were scattered across the floors of my room, along with more clothes and a candle. I had a half-full glass of cocktail mix and an almost empty bottle of vodka next to my bed.
I'd rather the pills than the alcohol.
"No, no, no, no, no..." I whispered, taking the last pill. I got it refilled only 3 weeks ago. They'll never let me get more, not today.
Wait until tomorrow, tomorrow is four weeks. Only a few hours. You can do it.
It's been 45 minutes and I feel my hands begin to shake, my legs, and the rest of my body along with it. I instinctively reach for the bottle but to my confusion it's empty.
Oh, right.
I sit there in my bed, knee's curled to my chest, and hands covering my ears as I rock back and forth, trying to stop the ringing sound that spread throughout my head. From the other side of the room, I hear my phone go off, George's ringtone playing. George? He's been texting me every day and I always read it. But today, I can't. It's not that I don't want to, but I just can't. Moving hurts. The longer I sit there, waiting for it to be over it gets worse.
I fell asleep at one point, still subconsciously rocking side to side. George texted me again. Then what seemed like years later, he texted once more. I rub my eyes and sit up slowly, my body aching. I saw white dots splotching around my room, my vision clearly going. My clock read 1:04 am."
The pharmacy is open 24 hours. I stand up and walk to my car, my body shaking worse than I've felt before. I could barely drive straightly down the road.
As I walked toward the counter to try and refill the prescription I scratched at my arms. It was the same woman working as last time, I felt her eyes on me the entire time I walked closer to her. She was clearly watching as I ran my short nails back and forth on my arm, trying to relieve the pain that was already spread around the rest of my body.
"How can I help you?" She asks. I hand her the bottle and look up. "Can you refill it.. please?" I spoke quietly. My nails stayed in one spot now and were slowly digging into my skin.
"Weren't you here a few weeks ago? When I upped your dosage?" She stared blankly at me. I felt my legs shake again. "Well, yes. But I need more now. It's been a stressful month." I laugh a little, she didn't think it was funny.
She reaches to the back and tried to grab something when I interrupt her, "Do you think I could get brought up to 2mg?"
"No." She says while handing me the bottle. Before I get the chance to walk away she begins speaking again. "Listen, if you come back here to try and refill your prescription within a month you will be denied, you need to wait at least two months, you have a high dose. We don't need you getting addicted."
My eyebrows furrow and a frown make its way onto my lips. I could feel my nails slightly pierce through my skin. "I'm not addicted," I say sternly. She looks at me and nods, then looks down at my arm. I walk away and drive back to my house, still shaking quite a lot.
I take one and contemplate checking my phone, but what was the point? I had everything I need right now. I just need to try and make it last long enough.
<<<>>>
(Fast forward 2 weeks)
"And y-you're sure that t-this is the s-s...stuff?" I ask. "Yeah, this got you really messed up huh?" he laughs. "Don't worry man, you'll be feeling just fine after you take some of this." I smile weakly and grab out my cash, hands barely able to function properly. "H-how m-much?"
"$250. Unless you want more...?" My eyes light up. "More? How m-much m-more?" I ask.
His smile grew. "A little bit, or a lot, depending on how much you wanna pay."
"T-the most, p-please. I have a.... a lot of money."
~
The next chapter is going to be very different than you think, so be aware.
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anxious and alone |dnf|
FanfictionStreamer Dream (Clay) lives all alone in a small house in Florida. He tries to stream on the daily with his friend George, though after finding out he has feelings for George he becomes depressed. That depression came along with anxiety and addictio...
