When We Meet Again (Kiani)

Three

{Will's pov}

It's been two years. Two excruciating years. My depression getting worse and worse as the days past.

My eating has come to a halt. I can't tell you the last time I left the house.

My insomnia has completely taken over. I haven't slept more than four hours a week in the past two years.

Suicide is always on my mind. And I don't know what's actually keeping me from doing it.

I spend all day locked in my room, regretting everything.

I spend all day laying in my bed drowning in my own tears, as Jordan is out living his life.

Every time he tweets about Just3Guys or something corresponding to his new life in Vancouver, I break just a little bit more.

At this point I'm numb to almost everything. Crying myself to sleep has definitely become a hobby. The endless rows of cuts on both arms never seem to go away.

As soon as some begin to fade, I make some more. He's perfectly happy without me around, but for some fucking reason, my life has gone to shit without him.

We haven't spoken in two years and I don't know why that surprises me. With his new style, personality and friends. He's not Jordan anymore.

Though I can't say much. I'm not Will anymore either. The cheek bones I had before are dangerously prominent, as well as my already thin figure.

To be quite honest, I look like a skeletal version of who I once was. Someone could come in threatening to murder me and I would just let them.

But at the same time if they came in threatening to kill Jordan, I'd lose my shit. And I think that's pretty fucking sad.

So here I am, listening to my phone vibrate nonstop. Mostly Twitter, some concerned texts from friends.

A lot of tweets are from fans asking if I was okay. I don't respond to them because I can't lie to them, but I can't tell them no either.

It doesn't shock me that none are from Jordan even though I wish there was. Kiani was such a great thing. I don't even know how we could've let this happen.

"FUCK!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, just as I did everyday.

"FUCK THIS! FUCK HIM! FUCK EVERYTHING!" I screamed through the tears pouring down my face.

"FUCK YOU JORDAN AND YOUR NEW LIFE AND YOUR NEW FRIENDS!" I sobbed harder.

"I HATE YOU!" I yelled once more as I shoved my head into my pillow.

"I love you." I mumbled into the wet cushion under my dripping face. I unlocked my phone after this slight breakdown to scroll through Twitter.

"@xBayani: Positivity flows in as much as you put out"

I rolled my eyes, sure Jordan, you should know a lot about that. Not.

I miss what we had. I honestly do. I miss what we were and what it felt like to matter.

Ever since we went our separate ways, it's like he's not even fazed. It's as though I'm the only one who's affected.

I stared at the cuts closest to my elbows, remembering when this all started.

"I can't deal with this anymore, Will." The words swam around my head everyday.

The last conversation Kiani ever had. One last thing before I lay in bed in the dark forever.

I typed out a new tweet that will never be sent.

I do this every night. Every single night.

"@Kiinqtonq: @xBayani until we meet again."