His smile/ vegaspete

Chapter 18 TW mention of suicide/ self harm

         !!CHECK TW BEFORE READING PLEASE!!
Pete
I get discharged today, I decided to call Arm and Pol because they were the only who would call me when I was in the psych ward, I got in the psych ward because of the amount of how many times I attempted, I attempted several times but Arm and Pol were there to look out for me every time, I'm really grateful for them, they would always take me to the hospital and make sure that I eat. I promised them I would take care of myself, but I couldn't, it was too much, so I started to self harm, it made me feel other things than numbness, the burning feeling after a fresh cut made me relived, I was glad that I was still feeling things because at times I was scared that I wasn't able to feel anything at all so I would just self harm, every minute I would think about cutting. It become too much so I asked them for help they found me a therapist but it didn't stop me from self harming so I got into the psych ward. I didn't like it, it made me even more miserable but I got through it, Arm and Pol would call me almost every day when I was at the psych ward to make sure I was eating. I would feel a little comfort every time both of them called. The phone rings and Arm picks up "Pete! Hi how are you!" I can see how he's smiling right now "I'm good how are you Arm?" I ask him "I'm good too! So what's up?" He asks me "I get discharged today" he yells in excitement "PETE IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND SO SO PROUD" I smile at his words he's the first person to make me smile in a long time, I love him and Pol so much "Thank you Arm" "Do you want to go to the mall with me and Pol later?" He asks me and I think about if I should go or not, but I miss both of them so much so I agree to go "ok I'll call Pol to tell him and let's go later" I say "ok see you later Pete!" We hang up and I called Pol to tell him too, he was just as happy as Arm I told him our plans about going to the mall, he agreed and said he'd be available in the afternoon, we agreed to go late afternoon so I could go to my apartment to take a shower and get ready. I say my goodbyes to everyone at the psych ward and walk to my apartment because it's a close walk, it takes me about 10 mins to walk home I arrive and feel overwhelmed now that I'm back in this place, all the bad memories come to my back but I try to push them away so I quickly get in the shower so I wouldn't change my mind and cancel our plans, I really miss both of them so I'm gonna be doing this. I take a shower and decide to wear my black cargo pants with a green oversized hoodie, with it I wear my green converse fix my hair, and rush out because I hear Arm pulling up in front of my apartment, I open the door and see Arm and Pol run towards me I smile and them and run to them, they both hug me at the same time so that we're group hugging "I missed you so much Pete" Arm says and Pol nods "me too" he says "I miss you guys too, thank you so much for being here for me" I look at them and smile "of course" they both say at the same time and Arm laughs while me and Pol shake our head at his Humor. "Ok now let's go have fun!" Arm yells and I smile "let's go!" I say feeling excited, it's been so long since I've felt excited so I'm really grateful for these two. We jam to music while we're on our way to the mall. "Let's go to the clothing store first, I need some clothes" Arm says while heading to a clothing store, me and Pol follow him, he tries on almost everything in the store and hours later we're done. "Let's go eat I'm so hungry" Pol says me and Arm nod immediately in agreement. I got some clothes for myself since it's been so long that I haven't bought any. We head to get some food, I get rice with chicken, Arm and Pol decide they want noodles so they get them. We walk towards the tables to sit but I freeze in my place when I say Macau looking at me with wide eyes, shit Vegas might be with him, and to my thoughts I'm right I hear Macau quietly say "phi..." and I look towards who he's talking to, Vegas. He turns toward Macau and Macau is looking at me so he turns his eyes to look, his eyes meet mine and I could immediately see tears form in his eyes, my hands shake and tears start to fall down my face, "Pete? Pete are you ok" Arm and Pol run up to me and hold me up, Pol takes the tray of food out of my hand. They both look confused but see Vegas and their face drops "oh shit, Pete do you want to get out of here?" Arm questions I look again and see Vegas still in his spot, looking like he's having trouble breathing hes sobbing so hard that the tray of food falls from his hands, Macau runs up to him "phi! are you ok? Phi!" He yells when he sees that Vegas is having trouble breathing, im frozen, tears still falling down, why's he crying though he has no fucking after what he's put me through, "let's go Pete" Arm says and we try to walk away but Macau runs up to me "phi Pete! Please, please come help he's calling your name and I don't know how to help him, please phi Pete I'm begging you" Macau says crying, "I'm only doing this for you Macau, I don't want to ever see him again after this" I tell Macau and sadness flashes his eyes "thank you" he says and it sounds genuine, we rush over to Vegas, he's sitting on the ground not looking up to make eye contact with me, fucking asshole. I fight everything in me to not fight with him because he looks like he's having a hard time, but still fuck him. I fucking hate his guts. "Phi..." Macau calls him but he doesn't look up "phi please get up" not a single movement "Vegas" His breathing calms down when I call his name, he slowly starts to look up and we make eye contact, tears start to fall down his face and I feel tears dropping down my face, Fuck him. Now he wants to fucking cry. Im not falling for his shit ever again. "Get up from the ground everyone is looking" I quickly wipe my tears away, he looks down again and gets up, "phi are you alright?" Macau asks him, "yea" his voice sends chills down my whole body, fuck I don't want him to still have that effect on me. "Macau just give him some water and he should be fine" I simply say "thank you phi Pete" Macau says in a thankful tone "of course Macau" I don't hate Macau, he's always been genuine with me and I like him for that. "Pete... Thank you" my heart beats faster when Vegas says my name, I become out of control before I know it "I did it for Macau not you!" I point in his face and his face saddens, Guilt is written all over his face and I wish I at least saw guilt on his face the day he shattered my heart. "I know I'm sorry I'm really sorry Pete, Sorry for bothering you and for everything" whys he apologizing after 3 years. After fucking making my life a living hell "you're sorry Vegas? why were you not sorry when you broke my heart into a thousand pieces and managed to tell me how 'pity full I'am' but no after 3 years you tell me you're sorry, I don't fucking want your apology, do you know what I went through all these years I was put into a psych ward Vegas, for two fucking years I was in there and I still have to go through therapy. I know all that is not because of you but it's still apart of it so don't come to me and apologize for what you did, there's no excuse for what you did Vegas!." I try to not raise my voice because I don't want to cause a scene, I expect him to at least argue back with me but he just cries, full on sobbing while I stare at him not knowing what to do. "Phi Pete please let phi explain the truth I think you deserve to know" huh what is he talking about "the truth about how he just used me because he was fucking bored? Yes I know that Macau" I didn't want to talk rudely but I was just overwhelmed by everything that happened today. "No thats not the truth" before he could finish his sentence Vegas interrupted him "Macau don't" Macau looks at him sadly, what's going on? I'm so confused right now that I just want to go home honestly. "So Pete should we go now" Arm says and I look at them and nod. We head back to eat because we didn't and we're all starving. I look back and see Vegas looking me but he immediately looks away when I look. "Pete are ok after all that" Arm asks in concern, "yea I'm fine don't worry" I say not even believing myself, "don't you want to know the truth that Macau was talking about?" Pol asks me and I shrug "it's been three years I don't want to go back to this" they both nod their heads at me "it's ok Pete you can decide to hear the truth whenever you're ready" Pol says and I nod my head at him "yea right now I'm still kinda a mess, I still need to go through therapy" I laugh and they shake their head at me because I'm still joking about my trauma. We eat and roam around a little more till we decide to call it a night because we're all tired. Arm drops me off at my apartment, I tell them goodnight and they drive off, I start walking to my apartment and see Macau sitting in front of my door crying, I run up to him my hands shaking in nervousness. "Macau what's wrong?" I say in a shaky voice, "it's phi..." tears start falling down my face. Please don't say what I think it is, even though I hate him so much for what he did to me there's still an amount of love and care I have left for him. "What happened to Vegas Macau" I say in a rush because I feel like dying of how fast my heart is beating. "He's in the hospital because he attempted" his voice breaks and he sobs while hugging me as tight as he can, I become numb, my sobs come out uncontrollably, I fall into Macau's grip while both of us sob as loud as we can. No please Vegas please stay alive, I just want him alive even if I don't want to see his face, him being alive makes me feel relief. "Phi Pete can you please let me explain the truth?" Macau looks up at me with tears dropping down his face, I nod at him "What truth Macau?" I softly say while holding his hand gently, "after you guys moved in the house that phi Vegas bought, my dad told him to work for him because he payed Vegas the money for the house, Vegas said that he agreed to working with him because he didn't want dad to find out about you, due to dad being homophobic phi Vegas knew he wouldn't be happy with you guy's relationship. So he started working for him but dad found out about you, so he called phi Vegas and threatened to kill you if phi Vegas didn't break up with you, he threatened him with you phi Pete and phi Vegas tried his best to make you hate him because he said it would be easier for you if you hate him. For these past three years he's been going to therapy every day because of the amount of times he attempted, you both went through a lot phi Pete but you should know the truth because you both deserve better" I stare blankly at Macau, feeling speechless about everything. I hated him for three years but he was in as much pain as I was in. It's been three years but he still hasn't stopped loving me. He needs to stay alive, we need our happiness back. We wont worry about anyone again, so please Vegas stay alive. For us.