Unsaid Words

he will never read this but i really want him to

here's a insight into my work life, my battle with self image and my love for a guy who will never love me back 

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when i first walked through those sliding glass doors and clocked in for my first shift 

i knew this was going to be fun, a new experience for me.

you asked me to do something for you and i told you to do it yourself 

i told everyone to do things themselves because i didn't want to be pushed around 

but then i realised no one liked me, so i became a people pleaser. 

i tried to please but i failed.

i asked too many questions and put in too much effort that i looked like a try hard.

after a while i accepted my life and just said to myself why not? you only get to do this life once.

so then i changed, i found myself and i guess this made others like me more, especially you.

you told me when you first met me, you thought i was snobby and stuck up - i felt ashamed of myself when you told me that, i had tried so hard to not be that person - but i guess we try so hard to not be someone that we turn into the thing we hate most.

you said that now i was more like a friend, someone who you can laugh and fool around with

but i want more.

i want cuddles late at night,

i want car rides with the music blasting,

i want secret inside jokes and eye glances that end in fits of giggles,

i want to have you there for me when i need you most when life isn't going quite as planned.

but most of all i want you to call me yours.

i know you said that relationships are not your thing because you overthink every little detail,

but i do that too, 

and i am not ashamed to say that yes a relationship scares me,

but if i get to do it with you, 

then i will push that fear aside and put my whole self into this,

my good, my bad and my ugly.

i want you to do this with me, 

to share all the parts of yourself that you are too scared to.

i want to make you realise that love can be scary but if you find that right person,

then the fear doesn't matter, 

it becomes irrelevant to the feelings you feel for them, 

your love is stronger than your fear.