Painkillers (BethxTara)

Say Anything

POV: Beth

!TW! Mentions/ talks about suicide.

I think back to when life was good, I was content. But it's been so many years, I can't remember how it feels. I reach for me, but I am not there, I always wonder why I am here. I guess I'd say, I've learned to live this way. It's hard when everyone around you is constantly dying. I was sixteen when everything went to shit. It's never gotten easier to live in this cruel world. I always think, when does my life finally begin. When the dead started roaming the land, I was scared and alone. I didn't think that this life was worth living. I didn't want to be fighting for my life every second of every day.

I just wanted an escape.

I need to be alone, or I am gonna lose my shit. But, it's fine, it's okay, I'll die anyway.

The night was still, not a sound could be heard. I sat on the porch stairs, staring up at the shining stars that lit up the night sky. It wasn't windy, but there was a small breeze, it was nice. I was smoking the Cancer filled cigarettes, trying to get away from reality. I wasn't angry nor sad, I felt dumb. I was numb to the world, to any emotion that dared show through. I stared off into nothing, just zoning out. Something brought me back to reality, and that something was the black silhouette of a large person. It wasn't uncommon to see someone walking around late at night. But as the person came closer, it made it out to be Daryl. He sat beside me silently for a few seconds before I broke the silence.

"What has you up so late" I asked with a smile. It had been a while since I had seen him.

Daryl opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the appearance of Tara. I quickly got up to hug her with a smile on my face.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about her" he mumbled. I was a bit confused, I was gonna ask why but then was caught off by Tara.

"If it's about me, then you can say it with me here" Tara snickered. Daryl let out a sigh.

"Beth, I don't know why you are hanging out with her. She's no good for you. None of them are" Daryl ranted. Tara scoffed then crossed her arms in annoyance.

"She's just gonna hurt you" He growled.

"How. You keep saying she's bad, an she's gonna hurt me. How, how is she gonna hurt me" I scolded him.

"Okay, you wanna know". "She was with the governor. She was a part of the attack that killed your father" Daryl exploded with rage.

I was in complete shock. Everything around me went quiet. She was with the governor. She helped kill my father.

"Tara, why didn't you tell me". "You were with the people that killed my father. Because of you and your group he's dead" I yelled with tears streaming done my face. With all the yelling it had waken Maggie, she came out wondering what all the commotion was about.

"Wow, what happened" Maggie asked with concern.

In a fit of rage Daryl yelled. "Oh, do you wanna know what she did" Pointing at Maggie. "After the prison, all she thought about was Glenn. She didn't bother thinking what might have happened to you. When you were taken, she was heartbroken. But not once did she worry about you, not once did she try an look for you Beth. She left you".

I didn't want to believe what I was hearing was true. I didn't want to think that the people closest to me would do these things to me. I could hear Maggie and Tara protesting his words. Deep down I knew he was right. I hated that he had to tell me, and they couldn't tell me themselves. I am not a kid anymore, I can take the hard truth. I stood up looking at them both with disgust on my face.

"How dare you" I shot. "Maggie you just fucking left me out there. You just didn't care if I was dead" I yelled.

"And you Tara, you just hid that from me" I growled.

They both looked at me with remorse, But I didn't care. I was doing this for me, not anyone else. Before I stepped away from them, I saw Tara filled with rage. So much so that she threw her fist into Maggie's face, causing Maggie to drop. Maggie quickly got up with blood running down her lip and started scrapping with Tara. Daryl quickly got down to break them apart. Once he did, they backed off from each other gasping for air and with blood running down their faces.

"Fuck you Maggie for leaving her like that" Tara shot.

Before anyone could say any last words, I walked out. I walked past them with tears in my eyes, and a broken heart. I didn't know where I was walking, but I was walking away from everything. 

Author's notes

in this chapter I really wanted to write about how Beth's suicide attempt was way over looked. I really wanted to emphasize on her depression. An after she was in the hospital she would have some sort of ptsd from her experience there. I feel after she made her decision that she wanted to live she might still have some suicidal thoughts in the back of her mind. Beth Greene for me is really my comfort character, I love her to bits. I wish they would have never written her off the show. Anyway thanks for reading. Peace out.