We'll Always Have This

Chapter 10- Civil War

"You OK there, Rogers?"

They were back in America, at the Avengers compound, and all Hell was about to break loose from the fallout in Lagos. Consequences. Control. People were boiling over the tension was ripe. Tony was coming, and with him, the Secretary of State General Ross and his presence couldn't be a good thing.

Steve sighed, his shoulders unburdened by the guilt. He blamed himself, as he always did, "I missed it. Rumlow said Bucky, and I lost my focus."

It took all her might for Natasha to maintain her cool, aloof manner at that name, Bucky-James. What had Rumlow said? What did he know?

"What did he say?" she asked, not needing to hide the concern in her voice. Steve was her friend; he wanted his friend back, and her care for him was all he would read into her question.

"That he remembered me before they put his brain back in the blender. Then he just toyed with me. Sam and I have been looking for him for months, and I have nothing to show for it."

"Did you really think you'd find him?" she cocked her head at him.

Steve shrugged, "After he pulled me from the water, I thought maybe he'd let me. That's stupid, isn't it?"

"No, Steve, not stupid. Maybe naive, but not stupid. If he wanted to be found, it would be you that would find him."

"Yeah," Steve ran a hand over his head. "Yeah, I know. I've said it before, but even when I had nothing, I had Bucky. I hate the idea of him being alone. Being a man out of time is hard enough, but with his past, I should be with him."

Natasha walked forward and placed a hand on his slumped shoulders. She should tell him, but she couldn't. Did Steve know all she knew? About Howard? It's possible he'd put the pieces together.
"You're being too hard on yourself. Even Captain America has limitations. This isn't just any person. He's a Hydra assassin, the best. He's a ghost and has been for decades."

"Do you think he does remember me? Our past?"

Natasha chewed her lip; she knew the answer but couldn't share it or how she knew.
"He saved you, right? I think part of him remembers. You just need to give it time."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'm gonna check on Wanda. Thanks, Nat."

Natasha smiled at him as he left, then closed her eyes: Rumlow knew nothing, Steve knew nothing. James was safe, and who knew where. She reached inside her jacket and thumbed his dog tags; she missed him desperately. She wanted to share that grief with Steve, but she couldn't. For the sake of the Avengers, she and James had promised each other that their relationship and all they knew would be their secret. Too much would be risked otherwise.

-X-

Natasha sat on a bench. Her best suit for political appearances was covered in dust, and her ears rang, the familiar and unpleasant side effect of an unexpected explosion. Had she been equipped for work, she'd have had earplugs in, but alas, she'd been the Avengers representative at the Skovia Accords meeting in Vienna. Steve was in England at Peggy's funeral, and Tony couldn't be counted on not to act rashly, so somehow, the job had fallen to her. Many were dead, including the King of Wakanda. She'd tried to assure his son T'Challa that the task force would bring in the culprit. She'd tried to convince Steve; she was certain she'd failed on both counts.