The Boy Next Door

29.

I storm into my house and ignore what my parents say or I guess tried to say to me. I slam my door and lock it so I don't get the pity talk from them.

Was I even that mad about him telling them? I don't know. I don't know anything. My emotions are so mixed up, I can't even figure out if I'm really mad at him or more so myself.

Am I being ungrateful? Well I guess I am. I am a spoiled ungrateful little brat. I'm what everyone sees me as.

An easy woman. Someone you can buy a drink for. Someone you can take home like a pet.

I flip the covers over my head in hopes of maybe suffocating myself to death or just to stop all my thoughts flowing through my brain.

I feel disgusting. I've become everything I never wanted to be. Why even bother trying to save my reputation or face? Everyone knows how I truly am.

Now Heeseung hates me, my parents barely even attach to the surface of my emotions, and none of my friends can be trusted. I can't trust anyone except myself. Can I even trust myself.

I thought Jiwoo would be one of my forever friends. Why would she even do that to me? No. Chaewon stop it. She would never.

Yea... it makes no sense. Why would she?

But I hate it. I hate myself for acting like this. All depressed and bottle up inside. I hate it. Why can't I just be happy even for a spilt second.

I sound just like those soiled rich brats on tv. Well, I guess I am one. All my small problems seem big and I have to make it everyone's problem.

I wasn't even raped. Chaewon why are you making it such a big deal? Everywhere on my body, bruises, but that isn't what cuts deep.

I can always see the clear image of me being helpless and not stopping him. It was my fault anyway. It always is. Always is.

~

Heeseung's POV:

As I close the door I just process everything that just happened. A tear falls down my eye from how painful it is to even think about it.

I'm such an idiot. I'm just like my father aren't I? What was I fucking thinking??

My hand just raised as a reaction to I guess my anger but I would never... Or would I? It's in my blood anyway... No... I can't.

I don't want to be like my father. I can't lose the person I love again.

"Heeseung what was all that?" I hear Jisoo say as she walks out my room. I feel my blood rushing again now that I'm seeing how alike I am to my father. I am no different from him.

"Jisoo, let's break up. I can't do this anymore." I say, not even processing my words before I speak anymore.

"What are you saying, Heeseung. It's her isn't it? That bitch is making you break up with me??" she exclaims angerly making my blood boil again. No. Calm down. I can't get angry again.

"Don't call her that. And no. She actually just ended our friendship. But I can't date you anymore. Sorry. Please just get out, I really want to be alone." I say as she starts tearing up. She slaps me on the face before taking her bag and leaving.

I wish I could just go back in time. Why did I fucking do that to Chaewon?? It just happened like a reflex. Shit. I messed up. Was I mad that everything she said was true?

I hear the doorbell ring making me groan thinking it's Jisoo again. As the doorbell rings more rapidly after a couple seconds, I go up to the door and crack it open. I thought she was mad at me why is she ringing the doorbell?

"Jisoo I to- Guys? What are you doing here?" I say, realizing it's Jake, Jay, and Sunghoon.

"Well we came by for Chaewon, but her parents told us she won't come out of her room. And her parents wouldn't accept our gifts so, we are here!" Jay says.

"Okay enough chitchat, is Chaewon okay?? She's okay right??" Jake says shortly after while pushing through Sunghoon and Jay.

"Just. Come in first." I say while turning around and quickly rubbing my face so they don't know I've been crying.

They walk in and quickly make themselves at home, by sitting on the couch and setting the nicely wrapped gifts down.

"So Chaewon?" Jake says making me sigh. She's the very person I just almost hit. After she got assaulted by a close senior, I just fucking had to make it worse.

"Heeseung, I apologize for him. He's been texting me all night, with every single thought since yesterday. But, please, just tell him. Chaewon is the top priority on his mind he forgot how to tie his shoes this morning." Sunghoon says while hitting Jake's shoulder.

"I fucking messed up, guys. We got into an argument not even 20 minutes ago, and I accidently almost hit her. I don't know what got into me. I'm such a fucking idiot." I say while sitting down next to Jay. Maybe I'll get some comfort.

"You did what?" Jake says while visibly getting mad.

"Woah calm down. Heeseung, what got into you? What did she say?" he says. I can't even tell them it's because of my fucking idiot father.

"I... I didn't mean to. I really didn't. Just in the heat of the argument..." I say trying to justify my actions when I know darn well it was all my fault.

"Heeseung, we trusted you, I trusted you to take care of her. I was worried sick about her, and you do a big screw up like this? Did you even think about how she's feeling right now?" Jake says, steam basically coming out of the top of his head.

"Jake I fucking know. I don't trust myself anymore, don't you worry." I respond.

"Woah woah guys stop. Don't be like this. Let's not let our friendship break." Sunghoon says making my heart squeeze tightly again. It's like someone's holding it under the water.

I'm the problem. I'm such a fucking idiot, how am I supposed to live without her? With the guilt of me hurting her on my shoulders.

"Jake, she's gonna be okay. And Heeseung, it's not your fault. You were fighting and that could  happen." Jay says although his tone is reassuring as he probably meant it to sound.

"Jay, oh how it is. I just made it worse. I broke everything. I thought I loved her too much to do such a thing but what do I know? All I know is that I miss her smile and her sarcasm. I miss her rants and nagging. Jay, I can't like without her." I respond.

~

Word count: 1157❤️❤️❤️