Two

The Upper Decks: Part 2

You led us all to a small covered area on the upper decks where we could hide from the rain for the night. Rainwater still leaked through the ceiling and we could hear the wooden planks below us creak with every movement, but the sounds were actually soothing. 

You and Mario fell asleep rather quickly. About five minutes after we arrived at our small hiding place I could already hear Mario softly snoring. You didn't snore, you just breathed loudly. Neither bothered me. If anything, the snoring and breathing made me feel more comfortable because it reminded me that you were still there with me. The sounds reminded me that I wasn't alone.

Even so, it did make it hard for me to fall asleep. I could tell Ben felt the same way, because he kept tossing and turning, occasionally covering his ears as if trying to block the sound out.

"You can't sleep either, huh?" I whispered, causing him to turn over and look at me. He then reluctantly shook his head no, almost looking like he felt guilty about it.

"It's okay. It's not your fault," I assured him with a smile. I yawned, then sat up, allowing myself to stretch my arms. After a moment, I tiredly looked over at Ben, who was staring at the mask attached to my belt. His eyes were wide, but they always looked that way so I wasn't sure what to make of his expression.

"You wanna know about my mask?" I asked him.

He shook his head no, then pointed to the pocket behind the mask, where the corner of a crumpled-up note was sticking out.

"Oh, you wanna know more about the notes," I realized aloud. 

To this, he nodded. He then scooted closer to me, curling up on the ground right along my side. I could feel him shaking. He reminded me of a stray puppy. 

"Well... I suppose I can tell you," I breathed. It wasn't like he'd tell anyone else. And besides, I'm sure talking about it would be helpful in some way. Yes, it was hard, but it needed to be done eventually.

"I was writing to someone I used to know. Someone you remind me of, actually," I explained. "I called him Six. His name was Blumiere though. He was small, timid, but brave in his own way."

I continued to release everything that was on my mind. I explained the entire journey Blumiere and I embarked on. I explained how he was the first person who made me feel like I maybe didn't need to do everything alone. I always had high expectations for myself, but with him there I always felt like my goals were more reachable.

Then, I explained how much it hurt when he left me. I talked about how I still wasn't sure whose fault it was. My mind and my heart were constantly fighting when it came to that topic.

"You know," I breathed. "This situation isn't much different from the last. I can't help but feel... I don't know, stuck in some kind of loop. One dangerous adventure ends, only for another to begin. There's no reward for safely getting through the last. I wonder... is my life going to be like this forever? Just adventure after adventure until I die?"

I always told myself that every nightmare had an end. 

But now I'm starting to doubt even my own words.

I never really realized how trapped I felt in this world. A small part of me wished I could just run away from everything. But the heroic part of me would never allow that. There was too much that I had still yet to accomplish, and running away forever wouldn't fix anything.

"I'm scared," I admitted. "I'm scared of being left behind. Of being trapped in this nightmare forever. I'm afraid of losing myself to the madness." 

I wasn't sure if I was talking to Ben or myself anymore. Maybe I was talking to my mask. Who knows?