My Story: Serena Snape

Chapter 21- Defense

The carriage lurched forward towards Hogwarts, and away from the train platform. I sat across from Draco, trying my best to avoid eye contact. From the moment I saw him on the train platform back in London I knew his feelings were the same as they had been at the meeting the previous week. Whether he truly hated me or not I did not know, but it was obvious he did not see me in the same way as he had before. Did he really want Potter dead? Is that who this boy sitting across from me really is? I thought back to the deal I had made with Voldemort only a week ago and hoped he would not ask me to hold up my end of the bargain for a long time. I'm sure I'd never be able to kill someone, no matter the circumstance. 

The carriage came to a smooth stop, and I went through the motions of hopping out and making my way into Hogwarts. The whole carriage ride had been silent; even Crabbe and Goyle didn't talk. They had to know something was up between Draco and me, anyone with eyes and a brain could notice. As I walked through the halls, slightly behind Draco, I felt a tap on my arm. I looked to my side to see Goyle slipping down a side hallway and motioning for me to follow. I first checked to make sure Draco wasn't watching me, then glanced around for my father before following Goyle down the small hallway.

All of the other students were either in the hall, or heading towards it for the sorting of the new first years, so the large hallway that the smaller one eventually led to was empty except for the two of us. 

"I guess Potter didn't get expelled after all." I half joked hoping to lighten the still tense mood. I had remembered hearing rumors of how he had been expelled over the summer, but then I had seen him at Platform 9 3/4. 

"I didn't tell anyone, in case you were curious." His face didn't budge into a smile, and I could tell that the conversation ahead would be serious. 

"Thank you. I-"

"I still can't believe it Serena."

"What?" My nerves awoke. The last thing I wanted right now was another lecture. That's all I've been hearing since I woke up from that curse. Lectures from my father about saving Potter, defying Voldemort, letting Goyle see my mark. I was sick of them, and the worst part was I knew they were far from being over.

"Why you became a death eater." His voice had dropped to a whisper. "I never thought of you as the type of person who needed people's approval."

"Well then you obviously don't know me well enough." I folded my arms over my chest defensively. I had regretted my decision to become a death eater from the moment I told my father I would. I'd give anything to go back and undo that decision, to take back my simpler life of not owing any favors or fearing over being cursed any second of the day.

"I guess not." I could hear him sigh and pause for a second, either looking for another topic to talk about, or find a way to talk about the one he wanted. "What happened between you and Draco? Does he know?"

I thought for a second. Although the meeting was at Malfoy Manor, and I had seen Draco there, I don't recall him being at the table during the meeting. Was Draco a death eater? If not, then was I the youngest? I hadn't thought about whether Draco was a death eater or not, and maybe that would have changed my own decision. Surely Draco knew his parents were death eaters with the meetings being held within his home. But, then again, I had gone over his house a lot when I was a little girl and never even thought that there was a possibility that it was due to death eaters meetings. However, I was always the more naivee one.

"I don't know..." My voice was quieter than I had intended, and I unintentionally broke eye contact with Goyle as I answered. I began wondering if I should tell him that his friend wanted a fellow student dead when I noticed Goyle nod out of the corner of my eye before he spoke.

"C'mon, we shouldn't be late to the sorting ceremony." And with that, he disappeared back down the small hallway that we had come down only a few minutes ago.

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"Can you believe her?" I flopped down onto the Slytherin common room couch allowing myself to finally rest after the long day. "She can't just fire professors, can she?" I thought back to what I had seen earlier that day, Professor Trelawney being fired right there in the courtyard, in front of the whole school. Part of me worried for my father's position at this school. 

"I guess she can. Don't worry, she'll be gone soon." Goyle's mind was busy with his assignment due the next day. Two rows of parchment on potions. Naturally I had mine done soon after it was assigned. 

"And what use is learning about defending ourselves against the dark arts without defensive spells? Everything she's teaching us is useless!" 

"Then why don't you just teach yourself. You're already doing that in potions." Draco had been sitting in a chair on the other side of the common room. Apparently my complaints were loud enough to carry over there. 

I was about to correct him that reading about potions wasn't the same as being taught them when I realized it was a good piece of advice. Just reading about the defensive spells would certainly be better than not learning them at all. And if I could just find a space to practice them in my spare time, that could make all the difference. I wasn't sure if he really meant that advice, or if it was just to get me to quiet down, but either way, it was a piece of advice I was going to take.