Quiet | Seungjin

22

"So," Mrs Park started, a small smile resting on her lips as she looked up at Seungmin, "did you have a good week?"

Seungmin shifted around in his chair for a few moments to get comfortable before nodding. He only stared back at the woman, not particularly in the mood to explain anything that happened.

"You didn't have any nightmares or panic attacks this week? Nothing at all?"

His eyebrows knit together in confusion when he heard the woman's words. In a whole week he barely thought about it—that had never happened before. Seungmin had just grown accustomed to nightmares and sudden breakdowns throughout the week.

"Okay," she spoke softly, nodding as she scribbled something down on the paper in front of her, "can you tell me what you did? Who'd you spend time with?"

"Hyunjin..." The name was rough as it slipped past his lips, his throat rejecting the sudden need to speak. Seungmin took a few quiet moments to work up the stamina to say what he needed to. "He came to my house...we...we watched a movie. And I—I met his friends at school."

"Do you like his friends?"

"They're nice."

"And would you be comfortable letting them come to your house too?"

Seungmin quickly shook his head at the question, his body tensing up at the thought of letting anybody else into his space.

A small hum came from the woman, her eyebrows furrowed as she a minute to ponder the situation. "Do you feel the same level of comfort with Shuhua as you do with Hyunjin?" She asked.

Seungmin had to take a few seconds to gather an answer to the sudden introduction of his other friend. His brain felt a little jumbled with all of the names and words thrown at him, but nevertheless, he shook his head.

"It's okay if you can't..." Mrs Park started, having a feeling that the boy was close to his limits, "but can you tell me how you feel when you're with Hyunjin? Can you just list some words for me?"

Closing his eyes to think about his friend, Seungmin imagined his face and tried to figure out what that made him feel. "Happy," he voiced hesitantly as he opened his eyes, "and secure and—and normal."

"Normal," Mrs Park repeated. She pressed her lips together before asking, "how does Hyunjin make you feel normal?"

Pulling his legs up to his chest, Seungmin rapidly shook his head, suddenly filled with an overwhelming rush of emotions.

"It's okay—" the woman reassured, "you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

As Seungmin's eyes welled with tears, he laid his head down on his knees, counting to ten in his head while he breathed in.

"We can take a break if you'd like."

Taking yet another deep breath, Seungmin brought a hand up to wipe at his eyes, trying his hardest to get his emotions under control. "Mrs Park..." he started hesitantly, his voice breaking as he spoke, "what...what is it like to...have a crush on somebody?"

The woman tried to cover up the shock on her face as she listened to his words by clearing her throat and looking down at the clipboard resting on her lap. "Seungmin are you thinking that you might have a crush on somebody?" she asked gently, not naming anybody in particular to prevent any unnecessary embarrassment.

He only shrugged in response, his arms tightening around his legs and shoulders nearly rising to his ears. Not once in his life had Seungmin even thought  about himself in a relationship, it was something so foreign that he felt he would never understand.

"Everybody has crushes, it's completely normal," she reassured, trying to relive some of the tension he felt about the subject. "I can't speak for everybody in the world, but when you have a crush on somebody, talking to them or spending time with them just makes you feel good. But that doesn't mean if you enjoy spending time with a friend that you have a crush on them. It's a tough thing to understand."

Seungmin nodded, a subtle frown resting on his lips as his eyebrows furrowed in deep thought.

"Do you have any more questions for me?" She asked, "it's kind of ironic isn't it? That you're asking me the questions now."

A soft laugh slipped out of the boy at her observation, his shoulders relaxing just a bit. "What are you supposed to do...if you do?"

"If you have a crush on somebody?" Once she saw him nod, she paused to think about a proper answer. "I'd love to have a perfect answer for you because I know your brain is the most satisfied when you know exactly what to do...but it's going to be different person to person. Some people like to tell the person right away and others like to stay friends for awhile to see where the other person's feelings are." She stopped talking to scribble something down before continuing, "okay, I'm going to give you a hypothetical situation. So let's say you have a crush on somebody and they tell you that they have feelings for you. What goes through your head when you think about a relationship? Would your mind and body be okay with something like that?"

"I don't know," Seungmin whispered in response, a quizzical look on his face. He sent the woman a sheepish smile and admitted, "I...I wouldn't know what to expect."

Mrs Park glanced at the clock and sent the boy a warm smile. "We're just about out of time today. I'm going to write down exactly what we're talking about and we'll pick up next week. But before I let you go, I want to tell you just how proud I am of you, Seungmin. I remember when you first started therapy with me you could hardly say one word, but today you've been attentive and responsive the whole time. That means you're healing. And that is something to be very proud of."

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