Quiet | Seungjin

33

Their moment of silence didn't last long, however, as Mrs Kim pushed open the door and called out a sweet, "it's time for dinner, boys."

Seungmin was trying his hardest to focus as Hyunjin talked about his day—but he couldn't. Instead, he tried to focus on eating his food on the plate in front of him—but he couldn't do that either.

It made him feel beyond selfish that he couldn't just sit with Hyunjin and his mother for a half hour and simply listen. He couldn't listen because of the incessant ticking of the clock on the wall above Mrs Kim's head.

He tried his hardest to tune the sound out, to try and pretend there wasn't a clock on the wall at all. Although he had absolutely no idea what Hyunjin was even talking about any longer, he turned towards the elder and sent him a soft smile, mostly trying to convince himself he could make it through the meal.

Feeling his fists clenching and unclenching under the table, Seungmin forced himself to take a deep breath. The last thing he wanted to do was lose control over himself in front of his boyfriend of about fifteen minutes and his mother. But with every second that passed, the tick, tick, tick, of the clock echoed through the room more violently.

The boy tried to close his eyes just for a moment, but was met with the darkness of his own room—his old room. He could see the small light blue clock hung to  the right of his doorframe, a dark blue cartoon dinosaur waving to him from the center. He remembered hearing the clicking of the clock as the hand spun in circles for what seemed to be an eternity. When he looked up, he saw a face looking down at him and felt the iron grip on the upper part of his arms.

"Seungmin?"

It sounded as if he was underwater when he heard Hyunjin's voice. The voice called out his name again and again but he just squeezed his eyes even tighter—he didn't dare open them, scared the face he saw when he did wouldn't be Hyunjin's.

His hands grasped at his arms, trying to get away from the ones holding onto him.

"Seungmin," he heard again, but a little louder this time, "can you open your eyes?"

The younger boy shook his head as he listened to the tick, tick, tick, in the distance. He felt Hyunjin's hands wrap around his own, pulling them away from his body.

"The clock," Seungmin whispered at last, the words digging at his throat as they escaped.

"What? What clock?" Hyunjin questioned before he glanced around the room, trying to figure out what clock Seungmin was talking about.

As Hyunjin spotted the clock on the wall behind his mother, he also noticed the look of terror on the woman's face as she stared at Seungmin, completely frozen. "What about the clock?" He pressed further.

Seungmin tried to rip his hands from Hyunjin's, trying to free himself from the grip on his arms. But with every tick, tick, tick, he listened to, the further the nails dug into his arms. "The clock—the clock!" He yelled between broken sobs.

"Hey—" Hyunjin spoke at the sudden alarm. He was worried the boy was simply going to pass out from lack of oxygen. "I need you to breathe. Do you remember what I told you?"

With his eyes still shut, Seungmin nodded.

"Tell me."

"To count—I need to count to ten."

Hyunjin hummed at his words, "To count to ten while breathing—"

"Through my nose," Seungmin finished.

"Yeah, that's what we need to do."

Just as fast as the words fell from Hyunjin's lips, Seungmin was shaking his head again, loud sobs coming from the boy.

Hyunjin let go of the younger's hands just for a second before he interlocked their fingers. "You can do it," urged the elder softly, "You're just with me—you're okay. Just think of the numbers, yeah?"

As Seungmin listened to Hyunjin count out loud, he focused on his nose, trying to get some air to his meet his lungs.

"One more time," Hyunjin muttered.

After a few more times of listening to Hyunjin count, Seungmin was finally able to open his eyes. He saw Hyunjin already looking at him, a gentle smile resting on his lips.

"Are you a little better now?" He asked.

Seungmin glanced over at the new empty chair where Hyunjin's mother had been sitting before turning back and shrugging.

"Do you want to go home?" Hyunjin watched as Seungmin's eyes welled with tears, the boy nodding shortly after. "I'll take you home," he reassured, thumbs running over the the backs of Seungmin's hands.

✨✨✨

The two just sat in Hyunjin's car for some time, neither of them speaking. A sigh fell from Seungmin's lips as he looked at his house through the windshield, wondering if his parents had noticed the car in their driveway.

Leaning his head back against the headrest, Seungmin turned to look at Hyunjin seated next to him. Maybe the duo shared some sort of telepathic connection because the second one of them looked at the other, they noticed.

Hyunjin glanced over at the boy, watching as the setting sun reflected off his brown eyes. "Hi," he breathed out, just trying to find something to cut the tension.

"Hi," Seungmin responded. He felt stupid that he couldn't just stop himself from crying at all that night and wanted to curse at himself when his vision blurred with tears. "I'm sorry," he choked out, his words airy and distant, "...for...for tonight."

There was a moment of stillness that overtook the car before Hyunjin reached out and placed a hand gently on the side of Seungmin's face. He used his thumb to wipe away a tear as it slipped down the boy's face. "It's okay."

The sincere tone he heard only intensified Seungmin's guilt. He wasn't enough. He wasn't normal enough and he never would be.

TBC ...again :)
———
Thanks for reading