Quiet | Seungjin

27

*a month later*

A smile rested on Hyunjin's lips as him and Seungmin walked up the sidewalk towards the parking lot. Seungmin's eyes were fixed on the sky, watching the delicate snowflakes flutter to the ground. It was the first snowfall of the season but the ground didn't seem quite cold enough as they disappeared the second they touched the warm pavement.

He watched as the boy extended one of his hands out in front of him, smiling as a few snowflakes landed on the palm of his hand.

"I love winter," Hyunjin stated, cutting the silence between them.

Seungmin turned to look at the elder, his movement stiff and awkward from the winter coat he had zipped up to his chin. He quickly nodded, "snow is so much prettier than rain." The words broke past his lips before he had a chance to think, the sudden burst of verbiage shocking him.

"Have you ever been ice skating?" Hyunjin asked."

He shook his head.

"I've never been either—we should go sometime."

Seungmin shrugged, not completely against the idea, but also a little nervous about being in such a public place. Before he could give Hyunjin a proper answer, his mom pulled up next to them.

"Hey—" Hyunjin forced out almost too desperately in an attempt to get the boy's attention before he left. When Seungmin turned to look at him, he shoved a hand in his pocket and pulled out a carefully folded piece of paper. He hesitantly handed it to the younger. "Can you wait to read it until you get home?" The elder asked quickly when he saw Seungmin run his thumb along the edge of the paper.

Although he wanted to let Hyunjin know about his confusion, he still nodded, holding the paper delicately in his hands.

✨✨✨

Once he was home, Seungmin made a beeline to his room, shutting the door behind him and hurrying to hop on his bed. He pulled out the paper and unfolded it, not expecting to see every line from top to bottom filled with writing.

Seungmin,

I know this is weird. Nobody writes letters anymore. I didn't want to talk to you about this in person because I didn't want you to feel forced to answer...but then a text sounded too informal to me. I wasn't sure what you were comfortable with regarding this topic so I guess that was another reason for writing this down on papear. I'm not sure how I even start something like this. Do I just come out and say it?

I like you, Seungmin. Not just as friends. I have feelings for you, I have a lot of feelings for you. All my friends tease me about having a crush on you all the time so it must be pretty obvious on the outside but I didn't think it was. I want to be with you all the time and I want to know everything about you. And I really want you to feel that same way about me. I'm not typically good at confessions and I'm really nervous right now. I just felt like I had to tell you or I was going to explode.

We'll always be friends and If you don't feel the same way I do—that won't change. Plus I don't think that Felix would let us stop being friends.

I guess that's all I wanted to say. I'm sorry for making this awkward in a way. Don't feel like you have to respond to me in any way...if you need to ignore me for a week or so that's fine. But I think a week would be my limit. Then we have to be friends again.

Thank you for dealing with my rambling,
Hyunjin :)

✨✨✨

Seungmin sat on his bed for what felt like hours reading the words over and over again, waiting for something to jump off the page and attack him. He understood what Hyunjin had written but he still felt confused. He was confused about why he was confused. He knew what his response would be to Hyunjin. There wasn't a moment when he doubted his own own feelings; however, everything about these feelings were still so foreign.

Jumping off his bed, Seungmin shuffled towards his parents room, knowing this was the time his mother usually read before going to sleep.

"Hi honey," the woman smiled, seeing the boy in the doorframe out of the corner of her eye, "whatcha need?"

He didn't say anything. He only walked around the the bed and climbed up next to her, wiggling his way into her arms. Wanting to hear her heartbeat, Seungmin laid his head gently on her chest, trying to slow down his breathing.

When he felt his mothers hand rest gently on his back, rubbing up and down comfortingly, his eyes welled with tears. He was too overwhelmed with emotions to think straight. Was he happy or sad or just overwhelmed?

"Did something happen?" His mother asked warmly, her tone inviting him to express all of his worries.

Seungmin nodded but nevertheless, didn't have the energy to explain it.

"Is it something bad?" The woman watched as her son shook his head and continued, "it's okay to cry if you just need to cry. We don't have to talk about anything you don't want to."

Although she was quite worried about why Seungmin was crying, she relished in the feeling of her son resting in her arms. It brought her back to when he was just a little kid. He always fell asleep in her arms when she read to him before bed.

"Do you want me to read my book out loud to you?" She asked fleetingly.

Seungmin nodded his head against her chest and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to get a hold of himself. He listened to his mother's heartbeat and her soft voice as she read. All he wanted was for the earth to halt on its axis, giving him a few moments to catch up with everything.

———
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