Reina [HS]

26.

"I can't fucking do it anymore!" I shouted at Mitch, completely losing control over my emotions as I swept off everything that was on my desk with one swift motion.

I had to let the rage out somehow after bottling it up for days after days.

I was going crazy.

It had been three weeks since the last time I saw her, and I honestly wasn't sure how I was still alive. Not that it really felt like I was... but I still woke up every day, even though I basically had no motivation to.

Ever since she had left my hotel room that day, I was in pieces to say the least. Everything seemed pointless without her.

After she was gone I remembered sinking down on the floor, feeling completely defeated as tears kept streaming down my face. My crying had felt like it was endless, I just couldn't stop and I was in the same position even hours later.

Losing her over and over again was a kind of pain I didn't know a human could possibly go through and yet here I was, completely and utterly heartbroken, trying to survive every single day.

I was hurting like never before, nothing made sense around me and the numbness I felt was unbearable.

I had cried and cried and cried for days until I felt like I had no tears left so then I just became dead on the inside.

I couldn't feel anything, my head was empty, I completely shut off towards everyone. I didn't let my friends close to me, I barely talked, I did what I had to do each day then went to bed then woke up the next morning and did it all over again.

My friends had never seen me like that before, it was something entirely new that scared them to no end. I had been sad before, but never like this. I had never felt so fucking miserable.

I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think straight.

I was like a zombie. Walking dead.

Then after a while, the crying came back again. It was honestly even worse than before, because it started coming in the most unexpected times.

For example I was in a meeting and from one second to the other I felt my cheeks getting wet with tears. My breathing became uneven and I had to excuse myself before a full on panic attack would hit me in front of the head of my fucking record label.

Or I was out grocery shopping and I completely broke down in front of strangers, having to hurry out of there before too many people noticed.

It never had any signs, it always just happened and once it started, it came with full force. In a matter of seconds I was a weeping mess, unable to stop it.

It was fucking embarrassing.

I wanted to lock myself away in my house so I wouldn't have to deal with all those pitiful looks people gave me. No one really knew what was going on, except Jeff, Mitch and Sarah.