What is Love?

~ Chapter 10 ~

~ Two years earlier ~

Naomi and I moved into our apartment in Boston two years ago. It's been so hectic since then. I'm in my second year of college studying medicine and Naomi's in her second year studying music. We haven't been home in two years.

I hear Naomi on the phone with her parents and brother most nights. They ask how we're doing and if everything is ok for us here. Naomi doesn't know this but Calum has been messaging me every day since the day we left. He always talks about flying over and visiting us, but I keep persuading him not to. Only this time I don't think it worked.

Calum is standing at our doorstep in our apartment. It's not one bit clean well. Naomi is a very messy roommate. My stuff is neatly sorted in my room. Everything outside my room belongs to Naomi. Now back to the boy standing at my doorstep. He's gotten so much older looking since two years ago. He turned twenty-three about a month ago. When Naomi went out to the club with her friends I face-timed him for his birthday. I also sent a gift to his house.

''What are you doing here?'' I run up to him and embrace him in a hug. I hate to admit it but I really did miss him. From seeing him every day to not seeing him at all was heartbreaking. ''I came to surprise you. Is Naomi home?'' He pulls away from our hug and looks around the apartment.

''Nope, she has lectures to go to all morning until two.'' Calum nods his head and looks around our apartment in shock. ''I'm guessing Naomi hasn't changed her cleanness in the past two years?'' I laugh and put my arms around his neck. He presses his forehead to mine and snakes his arm around my waist. ''I've missed you, Cal.'' He quietly laughs to himself. ''I've missed you more, Nix.''

We spend the next while trying to clean up some of Naomi's stuff and then we head to get something to eat. We're sitting in a diner booth looking down at the menu. ''This is all very unhealthy food, Nix.'' I laugh and take the menu from his hands and flip it around. I point down the salad section of the menu. ''There's the healthy food there.''

We order a burger and fries each and sit in silence. ''Do you ever wish you never left Dallas?'' It seems like Calums wanted to ask that for a while now. ''In a way, yeah. I hate being away from you. In another way though, I'm happy I left. I needed to leave.'' He nods slowly as our food arrives. We dig in and I almost devour the burger within seconds.

Calum's just picking at his fries. I reach over the table and take his hand in mine. ''What's wrong, Calum?'' He avoids eye contact with me and lowers his head. ''I met someone.'' I retract my hand immediately and I feel as though I've been struck in the chest. I hear Calum trying to explain his actions but I just grab my purse and head to the restroom.

I grab onto the sink and the tears don't stop flooding out of my eyes. I can't blame him for meeting someone else. It's not like we're together. We never have been together. We've never confirmed it. I feel worse than I did the time he told his parents that I was his 'little sister's best friend'. He apologized for months after that. I forgave him eventually. But I don't think I'll be able to forgive him for this.

I feel a pair of arms pull me off of the sink and around their chest. I knew it was Calum. No matter how long it's been since I felt his embrace, I'll always remember how it feels to be in his arms. I pull away from him and slap him across the face. ''You have no right to be angry with me, Phoenix. You left me what did you expect me to do? Wait patiently for you in hope that you'll change your mind and come back to me?''

''I thought we were a forever thing, Calum? Did you just erase everything we had when you fucking your new girlfriend? Does your girlfriend know you still text me? Does she know the meaning of your tattoo? I have every right to be angry with you, Calum.'' Calum creates some space between us and steps back. He's running a hand through his hair and the other glued to the back of his neck.

''She's not my girlfriend. I haven't fucked her. I just met her and we've gone on a few dates. Phoenix, you left. I was broken. It felt as though you took a part of me to Boston and I didn't know who I was without it. We are a forever thing, Phoenix. If you're serious about us, I want to know now. Say yes and we can go back to your apartment and we can tell Naomi. Say no, and I'll go back to Dallas right now and not contact you.''

If I say yes, then I'm going to lose Naomi. The one person who hasn't betrayed me in some way. If I say no, then I'm going to lose Calum. The one person I love more than anyone.

''Calum. I don't want us to leave things like this. You know I can't say yes but I don't want to say no. I'm going to say maybe. Maybe someday in the future, we'll be ready to be with each other. Maybe someday, Naomi won't kill us for keeping this secret from her. Maybe someday, we'll be together forever.'' I place my hand on Calum's cheek and wipe away a tear that's fallen from his deep blue eyes.

''We're a forever thing, Phoenix.'' He whispers against my ear. He walks out of the bathroom and leaves me standing there. ''We're a forever thing, Calum,'' I say to myself.

That was the last time I spoke to Calum.