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"SHE DID IT, WHY IS IT SO BAD THAT I DID TOO?"
Silence never cut through the room as harsh and quick as it had just then.
No one knew what to say, even the she in question was quiet. They waited. Heavy atmosphere clouding the stone cornered room.
A few beats pass before someone did something.
Said girl stood up from her seat, catching the attention of the rest of the boys scattered throughout the room.
Walking over until she was face to face with the blonde boy, mere inches between them. His head was lowered in shame, he knew what he did, he knew it was wrong; he didn't know how to deal with the aftermath. She could feel his shame radiating off of him, she couldn't blame him. He was full of emotions. If anyone knew about overbearing sense of clashing emotions, it was her.
She also knew anger is not a primary emotions. It always originated from something else. She knew anger was a reactive emotion, she knows because that's what she always feels. It's what she was feeling right now.
The atmosphere was so thick, she decided to start slowly and softly.
"Look. I know you're hurt, I know your body is reacting it with anger." She paused, a sharp intake of breath was taken, the whole room could heard it. "But don't you dare compare yourself to me. You don't get to do that. And you don't get to bring up my past mistake because you're angry. We may be stuck in the same place, try to do the same thing, but we. Are not. The same." A part of her was heartbroken to have said this to one of her greatest friends, she didn't want to make him feel worse. But as said before, she too had anger as a reactive emotion.
"YOU'RE NOT ME." She yelled, people outside the hut could hear her, but she didn’t care. The boy in front of her flinched, as did the rest sitting around the room. "You should be grateful that you're not. Never compare yourself to me because you, Newt, are so much better than me. So much better. Don't beat yourself up like that. You deserve better, you are better." Her head tilted to the side, lowering to look his downcasted eyes, "I love you. You're my brother, you make me – and I assure you, everyone else here agrees – and everyone in this God-forsaken place a better person—no. You make us want to be better. Do you know what it feels like to be in your presence? It feels like being hugged by a shuckin' cloud. It makes me feel like maybe I'm not such a terrible person, maybe I could do better. If not for me, then for this beautiful boy in front of me. So please, do not compare yourself to me. I never do anything for myself, I hate myself. You're not that person. You can be sad, you can be angry, you can self-depricate but do not compare yourself to other people, let alone me, because they are not on your level. You are better. Start seeing yourself that way too. Please." Her voice was calm and level the whole time even she was surprised, she would've thought she'd be yelling in tears by now, but she managed to keep herself sane for the people in front of her.
