i'm not broken - billie eilish

audio file

billie's pov

quickly sliding my shoes on i ran down my front stairs. sure it was two in the morning but a little bit of insomnia never hurt anybody.

not really but oh well.

i began walking on the side of the road. the dim glow of the streetlights illuminated my path, it felt almost otherworldly.

it had been just over two weeks since i last saw annaliese. neither madison or myself had seen or heard from her since what happened. i thought her and i were making progress, being more open with each other. willing to help and receive help from one another.

before i could realize where my feet were guiding me, the street i was walking down became strangely familiar. it took several more steps for me to realize i was walking down annaliese's street.

once i travelled farther down the street i found myself standing in front of her house. no cars were in the driveway, all the lights were off besides one of them. even then it wasn't like a normal light, more so the glow of many candles flickering inside.

oh fuck it whatever.

annaliese's pov

the quiet serenity of my room accompanied by soft candle light was interrupted by my phone blaring noise.

phone call.

i grumbled, hoping it was my parents but i knew it wouldn't be. they had decided to go to my aunts for the next two weeks and i refused to go with them. grabbing my phone i flipped it over from it's face down position on my comforter.

the screen read "bil<3" and i sighed, it was probably time to let someone besides my parents know that i wasn't dead or locked up in a mental institution somewhere.

"hi" i said into the phone, putting it on speaker because i was too lazy to lift it up to my ear.

"are you home?" billie responded. honestly i was shocked i wasn't met with anger and confusion. "don't bother saying no because i'm outside of your house and i'm assuming the only room with light in it is yours" she added.

fuck you eilish.

"why are you here billie, i'm fine" i sighed, i didn't want to do this right now. especially not with billie and definitely not at two in the morning. i didn't want to risk her knowing too much, she already did know too much. i don't want her to try to fix me.

"can you shut the fuck up and come unlock your front door moron" billie practically demanded. "i come bearing gifts" i could feel her smile through the phone.

god i miss her smile.

"fine i'm coming down" i grumbled and hung up. "this fucking bitch" i huffed, throwing my blanket off my legs. quickly i ran down my stairs and to the front door and unlocking it. immediately i was met with a silver haired girl on my front steps.

billie smiled at me and opened her mouth to speak but before she could say anything i threw myself at her, hugging her tighter than i've hugged anyone before. i don't know why i keep letting her in, but something about her is the most comforting thing i've ever experienced.

billie's pov

"what's up with you baby" i whispered into her ear while she held onto me. we were still standing on her porch, two in the morning, in the dark. annaliese didn't bother to give me a response, instead she pulled me closer.

"do you want to go inside?" i laughed while hugging her back. her grip around my waist loosened at this and she finally nodded and pulled away.

-

"you're really god damn nosey you know" annaliese rolled her eyes at me from her bed. i was sitting across the way in a beanbag chair she had in the corner. "yeah okay whatever can i show you the gift i have now" i laughed in response. i knew she was going to like it. it wasn't something tangible, but it was still inspired by her. and her words.

"this better be good" she replied with a smile. nodding i pulled out my phone from my pocket, which immediately made annaliese confused. "it's on my phone you moron" i remarked.

"oh okay" was mumbled back to me. at this point she was curled up in her blankets, her big dark blue eyes staring over at me. hesitantly i opened my voice memos app and clicked on an audio file.

don't be that way, fall apart twice a day
i just wish you could feel what you say
show, never tell, but i know you too well
got a mood that you wish you could sell

immediately annaliese sat up, "YOU WROTE ME A FUCKIN SONG BILLIE?" i laughed in response. "just shut up and listen." a couple moments passed and i would occasionally say her name to make her focus on certain parts more.

if "i love you" was a promise, would you break it, if you're honest?
tell the mirror what you know she's heard before
i don't wanna be you anymore.

annaliese's pov

i tried to say something again but billie shushed me before i could, "this is my favorite part shut up bozo" she smiled.

hands getting cold, losing feeling is getting old
was i made from a broken mold?
hurt, i can't shake, we've made every mistake
only you know the way that i break.

once the song finished i stared at billie in complete shock. it was obvious she was nervous about my reaction, she was messing with the rings she never seems to take off.

i feel like half the girls at our school would cringe, they'd be mad it wasn't a love song. the song billie made may be sad, but the fact she used my words to her to make a song?

i think i'm in love with her.

"i love it" i smiled to billie. her blue eyes lit up in response to my words, "really?" she asked. "of course you weirdo now come over here" i laughed. looking over at the clock on my desk i could see it was past 3:30 in the morning.

"spending the night?" i asked her, moving my blankets over so she could be under them too. honestly i was surprising myself at my actions, but i couldn't help it anymore. "if you want me to, i mean i want to but i wouldn't want to bother you becau-" before i could think about my actions i kissed her, cutting off her words mid sentence.

i pulled away from kissing her and she grinned back at me. "get that stupid grin off your face eilish" i huffed jokingly and buried my face in my blankets. which seriously was just a bad attempt at covering the blush that covered my cheeks. "shut up i'm smiling because you're so fuckin cute" i heard her say while wrapping her arms around me. "goodnight anna" she added.

what the fuck have i gotten myself into now.

1178 words.