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p.s. was gonna update again when this pic released but i got busy 🥲
וווו
Big raindrops were falling down on me, slowly turning towards the ground through my eyelashes. I've been staring at the same mud stain on the grass since we walked outside for the last part. I couldn't even remember anything that happened before I was standing here and somehow I wasn't even trying to remember it.
On either side of me, I felt an arm linked through mine. I didn't know who they were and I didn't care. It weren't the arms that I wanted to be there, those were gone. There was no comfort at all in this touch, not in the subtle squeeze one of the hands did in my upper arm, not in the small shoulder that bumped into me, there was nothing that made me want to look up from the mud stain towards the ugly truth. The low voice of the mortician shook me out of the trance and I tried to listen to the words he was saying.
''On behalf of the family, I want to thank all of you for coming today to remember the beautiful Jennie Kim. We've heard a lot of special things at the service inside about Jennie and..''
The rest of the words were blocked in my mind again after hearing her name. I didn't want to hear it all over again, I didn't want to know what was about to happen. I turned my gaze back to the ground and tried to find the familiar mud stain that I had been staring at for the past few minutes.
''Rosie, don't you want to see this..'' Jisoo's soft whisper made it through and I slightly looked up to her. Her voice was drenched with grief but somehow I couldn't really understand why.
Her eyes were red and it was hard to see because of the rain, but I think there were tears falling from her eyes too. I swallowed thickly and looked in front of me where a brown coffin with flowers draped all over it was slowly disappearing into the ground. A sharp deep pain pierced through every piece of my body and I had to close my eyes to force a breath out of my lungs.
The soft sound of people crying caused me to snap my eyes back open and to look up where it was coming from. Jennie's mom was clinging on to Jennie's dad while they were staring through their tears towards the coffin. I looked around the circle of people that were standing around the coffin and everyone was crying. Even Mino that I've never seen letting one tear was patting his eyes with a tissue. I frowned at the sight and found that Wendy and Jisoo next to me were crying too. Everyone was crying, everyone but me. Why is everyone acting like Jennie is gone, she isn't. I know and feel that she isn't.
I wanted to scream that everyone had to stop acting like she was dead, to make them stop crying and make the pain inside of me float away into their lies. I shook my head instead and turned my gaze back to the ground. Someone was asking me if I wanted to say some words before they would put the earth on top of the coffin to bury it. I just shook my head and listened to the rain ticking on top of the wood of the coffin. After a few minutes, the ticking had stopped and had gotten replaced by soft thuds of dirt that was thrown onto it.
