Drown In Your Pain (Mafia Novel) (Book 2)

Chapter 2: Turning Blind To The Pain

"Live what you love"

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"They say life goes on, when you feel like your life has crumbled and shattered into millions of pieces just go numb, turn blind to the pain. They say if you do that then you will feel better."

With my headphones in my ears, I listened to the podcast as I jogged down the pathway of the park near my house.  I paused, bending over stretching my hands to touch my toes before straightening my back and bending slightly to the left.

"Life goes on, if you allow it to move on. If you remain in the past it will only trouble you the most. So now here I am asking you can you let go of the past?"

I pulled my head phone from my ears, staring into the sky and watch as a plane flew above me. I shook my head, as I decided to head to my next destination. I couldn't answer a question I did not know myself. Ignoring my past, bringing up walls around me is what I had been doing since the pass week since the incident happened.

Unlocking my car door, I slid inside reversing out of the parking spot. I turned up my music, rolled down my window as I drove in a steady speed. I arrived at the building which in holding writing was written 'welcome new mothers'. I got out of my car, locking my car as I walked inside greeting everyone I saw before walking inside the hall where the lesson would begin.

"Welcome everyone, I hope you learnt something from our last lesson, today and we will learn about changing a diapers." I zoned out after she had finished speaking, my eyes darting around the room towards the couple who joined together to experience the moment as one. I felt as if I sat in one spot whilst everything around me moved in a slow motion, I could heart each and every breath I inhaled and exhaled.

"Miss McGuire. Miss McGuire." I snapped my attention towards the voice, the lesson tutor Zarah gave me a small smile which I returned. I grabbed ahold of my plastics baby doll, we were each given one pair of diapers. I knew how to do this, Mabel had given me the experience of it.

But I still did it, it gave me a moment to escape my truth. But I'm a whole when I had to return, I will be reminded of my misfortune. What I had lost, yet gained nothing except a broken heart.

"Well done, Miss McGuire. You have got it right on the first go." Everyone around me clapped, I gave a gentle smile, my phone buzzed making me pull it out a frown replaced my smile as I saw who had messaged, Damien's name was in bold.

'How long will you ignore me, can we meet.'

I switched my phone off, focusing on my lesson as we moved on to the next one. How to carry a child, she held her dummy baby in her hand.

"When you want to carry a baby Always support your newborn's head and neck. To pick up baby, slide one hand under baby's head and neck and the other hand under their bottom. Bend your knees to protect your back. Once you've got a good hold, scoop up your baby and bring baby close to your chest as you straighten your legs again." Zarah said, showing us how to do it. We repeated the process picking up the doll as she had said before straightening our back. We continued this for a few more minutes before time was up, I said my goodbyes before leaving.

After getting into my car I made my way towards towards my company, I listened to the music humming to the words. I reached my company before getting out, giving my keys to the guard I headed inside instantly met by a worried Ariel.

"Finally, where we're you?" She asked me as soon as I reached her, my secretary handed me my coffee as I give her a quick thank you.
"I got distracted with time, I am here now." I said as I made my way to my elevator, with Ariel trailing behind me.

"I was worried, Damien has called the company line at least several times. I tried to contact you but your phone was switched off." I sighed pulling my phone out before switching it on, I gave her an apologetic look.
"I'm sorry, I had switched my phone off. How's Mabel?" I asked, she shook her head letting out a sigh. She turned to face me, I could see the disappointment in her face.

"She's good, she's spending her day with Damien. I can't see you like this Kelsey, you haven't had a proper conversation since the day of-"

"Since the day my supposed dead sister crashed my wedding to her ex boyfriend." I completed her sentence for her, it was hard to explain to anyone how I was feeling at the moment. I did not want to talk about what had happened, certainly not with him.
"Have you told him about your pregnancy." I shook my head at her, I knew I had too soon but I just needed a moment to think and handle myself before I would face him.

"I haven't, but I will soon. I just need time." I said to her, she nodded her head at me not pushing the topic any further. The elevator binged as we reached our floor, I watched as the doors slid open and we walked out. I gave a nod to my receptionist who stood up when she saw me, me and Ariel shared a cabin, we had our own desks and did our own work.

"How are you feeling? You know with Katherine back?" I asked Ariel, I knew she had been stressed since her arrival and I had just added to her stress not making it any easier for her.
"I don't know, I am a bit scared she will take Mabel away from me." I gave her hand a squeeze and hugged her. I knew she needed one.

"Mabel is your daughter, no one can change that." I said and she nodded her head, with a small smile on her face.