Knowledge is Power

Chapter 38

Severus hated feeling things...Especially when the things he happened to be feeling were excessively strong and excessively conflicted. With a sigh he dropped his face into his hands once the door was closed behind Mag. What in the hell had just happened!!!

//Prof, she really has been obsessed with you for years...Literally ages. Like if I told you how long it'd probably be fucking disturbing.//

His connection with Nightshade had unsettled Severus many times. Missing his conversations with the owl when Nightshade was with Magritte made him feel weak. Feeling an overly natural camaraderie even when Nightshade was talking into his head that time they'd shared a dreadful hangover made him feel...well the opposite of alone. How else could one feel with someone else nearly constantly directly in their head? The problem wasn't that he tolerated it, but that he enjoyed it. It was a weakness that he promised himself he'd never have again after Heather and Raislen showed him how easily they could drop his friendship and how little he'd truly meant to them.

Sure they could affectionately call him the kid, and treat him like a younger brother until things got hard. Then it was Severus, not Heather or Raislen who ended up with the rug snatched out from under him, left alone with nothing but the promise he'd made himself at a young age of vengeance against Voldemort for his killing of Tobias Snape. No matter that a worthless waste of space like Harry Potter got to do it, because he still got to help. Severus would have a hand in bringing the twisted monster that was Voldemort down.

Only now Mag had gone and complicated even that. He'd always known that he cared for the girl as a friend. One of the few friends he had even, but this new dimension that she'd unwisely forced onto them changed everything in dangerous ways. For the first time, Severus felt out of control and it was no good because it could get them both killed. He'd never truly noticed her beauty because he just didn't think like that. Never had Severus Snape claimed to be like other people in any way, after all. He was usually too busy hating everyone, and when he didn't hate them his mind certainly didn't jump to shagging them.

Right now, vengeance owned his life and thanks to people leaving him via death or betrayal, he simply wasn't seeking attachments because they hurt. When she was in his arms, soft warm eager mouth pressed to his, though, all that had changed. His nonexistent sex drive had sprung, quite literally to life. It was as if her slender body and feminine curves were made for him. She fit perfectly against him like another piece to the puzzle that was whole when they clung together.

She wasn't much shorter than he, so even their inappropriately impassioned kisses were a natural fit. At least he'd stopped that before it had gotten out of hand, and at least she'd had the decency not to try that until now when she was basically no longer a student! While all that was very nice, the girl didn't seem to care that she was putting herself, and forcing him to put her at risk. She was no fool, so how could she not see that? He knew Nightshade shared whatever impressions he had of Voldemort with her so why?

For the first time ever, he wished he was just out of the entire thing and free of Voldemort. That he was free just to live his life and be happy...Because something he never thought to have or never truly believed he wanted was presented to him. Friendship, unconditional love and a true connection on all levels, because the physical one was most certainly there. How simple and grand it would be to pursue a life together, he, Mag and Nightshade, studying, discovering things together, inventing new spells and potions, traveling, and just always knowing that the others would be there. Simple, wonderful, and what they all deserved...hell what enough people deserved so long as they weren't stupid insufferable gits. Very well perhaps a third of the world deserved it now he came to think of it, but he was certainly among that third as was Mag.

Deep down, Severus knew that his father would want this for him over revenge. If he'd only known he could have it, perhaps Severus would've made different choices. Of course he would've, but now what was done, was done, literally. He sighed again. How was he going to be certain Mag would be safe from Voldemort's scrutiny now that her association with him was most definitely closer?
"Son of a bitch," he groaned, frustrated.