Knowledge is Power

Chapter 67

The school term began before Severus was ready. If he was honest, though, which he basically was, he wouldn't ever be ready, because bottom line he didn't want to do it. In part this was due to him feeling he had more to lose. More than once he cursed his stupid weak desires for not pushing Magritte away harder...He'd not felt lonely or lacking until he was presented with honest, steady companionship from someone of like mind. Someone who truly got him and liked what they got. Someone who really would always be there.

Such emotional attachments from anyone else would merely feel stifling, because anyone else who was insane enough to fancy they knew him would be wrong. They weren't like him and they didn't know him. Somehow, though, someone existed with whom he felt complete and while it was a strength, it was a weakness as well. Not to mention the owl. If something happened to that owl, he'd feel empty, lacking and he hated that. This year was going to be, as Nightshade would say, a motherfucker. A great deal was going to happen, because a great deal was set in motion and there was no choice but to go forward. Not for him or anyone else.

He'd seen people lose loved ones in this war and he didn't think he could take that. With the death of Tobias Snape, six year old Severus had lost enough. Once he'd fantasized about being the one to stand over Voldemort and look into his dying eyes just to say that this was for Tobias Snape, the very best of Muggles. A man's name that, of course, the dark lord wouldn't even know. Severus would be happy to remind him, though, of the Muggle he'd killed for daring to enter a wizarding potions shop to buy something for his witch wife. He would remind him and savor the shock in the bastard's eyes as he died.

This was not to be, though. Potter would strike the killing blow and likely Severus would be nowhere close simply because he no longer wished to take even the smallest risk with himself or those he loved. Not that he was trying to die before, because of course he wasn't. It was just that there was only him to consider. Now there were others and he vowed to himself that they'd all get out of this alive. Now that Adler's group existed, and he and the Westcravens were a part of it, the chances looked good if he was careful.

The single bright side to the year was that Regulus Black would be taking over Potter's lessons. That was one less ass pain Severus would have to deal with. Kreacher was concerned that Potter could not be trusted to keep his mouth shut concerning Regulus being alive, but Severus had a plan for that. He would make it clear to Harry that even telling his stupid little friends could put not only Regulus's life back in danger, but Potter's own as well. Once Voldemort was dead, anyone and everyone could know that Regulus lived, so he'd not have to keep a secret from his precious friends forever.

While this was a grand plan, it never got put into action because Potter, in all his glowing wisdom, chose not to return to school. When he nor any of his friends were at the feast, Severus assumed they were...simply up to no good, but when they didn't turn up for the first day of classes either, he assumed the situation was more permanent. He wasn't concerned that the dark lord had captured or killed them, because there was no news in the papers on the matter.

//How are we to help the little prat if he won't allow it,// Severus angrily ranted to Nightshade.
//Well...Like Dumblefuck said, you didn't like go out of your way to be cool with Potter so he's probably not eager to hang out with you,// Nightshade replied carefully.
//Yes but if he had the brains the gods gave a slug, he'd have seen that I still saved him more than once,// Severus replied angrily.
Stupid, stupid boy. His belief that Potter could actually manage to kill Voldemort was fading more and more by the second as his anxiety rose.

//He'll manage to ruin this and get himself killed instead,// Severus told the owl dourly.
//That would suck,// Nightshade replied.
//We'd better get busy trying to prevent that shit.//
Severus sighed and headed into his bedroom closet. As a result of now being Headmaster of Hogwarts, his bedroom was now Albus's former bedroom. Therefore his bedroom closet led to that of Bera Karkaroff at Durmstrang.