Chapter 48
Secrets
I went out to look for my mother. Sinubukan kong hanapin siya sa kwarto nila ni Papa pero wala siya roon. Sa portico, sa veranda at maging sa gazebo ay wala siya.
"Te Bebeng, nakita mo ba si Mama?" tanong ko nang makadaan sa kusina.
"Weng, hindi ako sigurado. Pero hindi naman siya sumama kina Rudy pagsundo kay Rahim sa airport ngayon," sagot niya habang naghihiwa ng rekados.
Ngayon nga pala ang balik ni Kuya.
"Subukan mo sa study room ng Papa mo. Madalas siya roon. Lalo na kapag malungkot siya."
Naglakad ako papunta sa study room ni Papa. I twisted the knob nervously and sneaked my head first. True enough, Mama is there, sitting on his chair, hugging herself, staring at Papa's picture.
Pumasok ako at sinarado ang pinto.
"Ma..." I called, she didn't answer me, kahit alam kong naririnig niya ako.
I miss her so much... I don't know how many years but I miss her. I've been longing for a mother's love for a very long time. I've been longing for a mother's hug.
And I was silent about it.
Maybe I'm the problem. Hindi ako masyadong expressive. Thinking back I have never approached her. Si Papa lagi ang nilalapitan ko, maybe because mas approachable si Papa and Mama is so strict looking.
Maybe this is the time to do it. To finally be expressive towards my family. Mahirap naman kung expressive ako kay Deo pero kahit sa sarili kong pamilya ay hindi.
Without words, my feet ate the distance between us. I kneeled in front of her and hugged her waist.
The moment she started sobbing and I cried too.
"S-sorry, Ma..." I muttered between my sobs.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you, Graciella," she cried.
"I miss you, Ma..." I sobbed.
"Do you think I'm unfair to you?" she confronted.
Napalunok ako sa tanong niya. Mahina akong tumango. "I feel like you were absent most of my life. You are here yet it feels like you're so far. Laging si Ate... tapos si Kuya... and then of course, dahil bunso... si Lian. Pero Ma, it's all in the past now. We have the present, we can still change things—"
"Sobrang tigas ng ulo mo," nanggigigil na sabi niya. "Mas nagmana ka sa tatay mo," iling niya. "Sa ugali. Maging ng taong minamahal ay parehas. Kayo ni Natalia. Mas mana kayo sa tatay niyo. Bakit Hiñago na naman? "
"But Ma, ilabas natin si Deo sa usapan..." I begged. Halos hindi ko na rin marinig ang sariling boses. "T-This is not what I want to talk to you about." I sighed. Nalilihis kami sa dapat naming pag-usapan. Yung sa amin. Sa panilya namin.
"Have I... Have we ever made you feel less loved? Why do you love that man so much?" tanong niya. "You can't expect me to exclude him! You are going to marry him! Whether you like it or not he is included in this!"
"Hindi pa..." iling ko. "Hangga't hindi pa pumapayag ang pamilya ko walang kasal na mangyayari..."
I haven't even given a yes yet!
Hindi siya nakasagot at pinagkatitigan ako. "This family is so important to me, Ma. I can't go on if we're like this... Kahit na mukhang ayos lang kayo kahit wala ako. Even though I feel like I'm invisible most of the time. Even though it feels like my feelings doesn't matter. Kahit na pakiramdam ko hindi kailanman hindi ako magiging sapat sa perpekto niyong standards. Mahalaga... Napakahalaga niyo sa akin."
BINABASA MO ANG
Cursed Kiss (Curse #1)
RomanceI have always been obedient. Morals, manners, etiquette, class, and intelligence. I've done it. I abided on it like it's a law. But you came, starting with a kiss. All of that didn't matter anymore. Then, there is this curse between us. A long hist...
