Donald Trump x Mike Pence

braindead pronoun media

Trump gulped down the last of his prune juice and placed the glass gingery on the table. He picked up the crumpled napkins from the nightstand and read over them. He wrote it sometime last night when the lads argued over who's turn it was to use the tail butt plug, so it was full of mistakes and covered in a substance the author would not like to name. It was complete. The last speech of the awesomest first term a president has ever had... how sad. Oh well, there was always 2024. 

Mike lay peacefully under the shit and mustard-stained covers, Hello Kitty ball gag still in his mouth.  Elliott and Aaron were gone. They had consumed each other, entering another alternate reality in the process... but they'd be back. Donald felt it. He wished he could wake Mike up for a quick munching but now he could not? He had already made his decision. As he stood up from bed, tin cans plunked to the floor, stirring Mike in his sleep slightly. Trump put one of his baby carrot fingers up to his luscious pink lips.

"It's ok, my little fairy princess," He patted Mike's head with his tiny hands. "Soon we can be together." 

Donald hobbled over to his desk over on the right side of the room. His laptop was buried under a pile of papers (mostly McDonald's receipts and copies of restraining orders) that he just shoved to the floor. He opened his favorite app of all time besides Twitter. Seeing the 500+ unread messages was like a slap to the face. Usually, Donald would be on Covfefe hourly, making sure to spill every classified government secret to the KKK members that infested the server, but the past few days consumed his time. 

blm_is_terrorism: Omg is that u Donal?

conservativemuscledaddy: mr president!!!!!

fucknansee: where have you been my president!??

liberty_guns_beer_trump: is what mike pence said true?

♔RealDonaldTrump♔: Mike, marjory, steve bannon, rudy and I wre trying to take back this ekection. It was rrly hard (lol hard) so i couldnt go on discord. I missed u all :(

fucknansee: can you pardon us? Please I beat up a policeman and they might find me

triggeredlibs: im so glad ur back <333

liberty_guns_beer_trump: mr president, do we have 2 do something about pence?

♔RealDonaldTrump♔: mike and i r going to be the next president of the united shtates so dont do anything to him. He helped me beat up a jewish priest. There were like 7 and I took out most of them with my bare fists, but i let Mike take the last guy bc i felt bad 4 him lol. Thats what the jews get... BIG CONSEQUENCES! We also had butt sex but we said no homo after so its not against the bible. BTW I'm gonna give a fake giving up speech on that communism channel cnn. Bai everyone :)

A shit ton of viruses popped up on his computer before he shut the lid. He took one last look at Mike before walking into the press room.

A crowd had already gathered. Mostly CNN (which stands for semen noodle Nazi) and the fake news liberal media. He sighed as he arranged his crumpled napkins. He's the first president in the history of the United States to not use a teleprompter, making him better than Obamna (a Kenyan citizen) and Fredrick Douglas. 

"I would like to begin by addressing the heinous 'attack' on the traitor snowflakes in Congress at the United States Capitol. Like all Americans, I am outraged by the violence, lawlessness, and uh..." Donald peaked at his notes, only to find his sweat had made the ink run, "Uh whatever. I am immediately deployening (sic.) the National Guard, Space Force, and Federal law enforcement to secure the building and expel the patriot... I mean. Intruders. Intruders. America is and must always be a nation of law and order under a republican president. Unfortunately, you cunts stole my perfect erection. It was huge, glorious, the best years ever. The demonstrators who infiltrated the Capitol have defiled the seat of American democracy. To those who engage in the acts of violence and destruction unless it is against the radical left. You do not represent our country unless you hate terrorists. There were supporters of mine in that capitol, you know. And you made them upset spaghetti. How shameful. Oh, and, and ... um.... to those who broke the law, you will pay. Unless you are a patriot."

He winked sexily at the camera. Across the country Dollar Store Davey Crocket had a simultaneous orgasm and heart attack. It finally happen, the sempai noticed him. Not that he was gay for him. Hell no, that shit is unnatural. 

Trump cleared his throat.

"We have just been through an intense erection, and emotions are high, but now tempers must be cooled and calm restored. We must get on with the business of America. My campaign vigorously pursued every legal, illegal and sexual avenue to contest the election results. My asshole still hurts from Putin's massive wiener stick. But it's like... a good kinda hurt. Ya know? He's good in bed, better than Melania, Ivanka, and Tiffany. Very sexy man. But my only goal was to ensure the integrity of the trump name. In so doing I was fighting to uproot American democracy for my own personal gain. It was wrong and I am sooo very sorry."

Marjorie snapped her remote in half and threw it at her tv.

Trump continued, "A new administration will be inaugurated by the radical left on January 20th. My focus now turns to ensuring a smooth, sexy, and seamless transition of power."

He looked across the hall to his sleeping prince. "This moment calls for healing and reconciliation... and lots of sex. "

He turned to go, clothes slipping off of his body as he walked to the bedroom. Fox news cheered while the others stood looking perplexed. Somewhere in the crowd, a reporter had pickilled themself. Mike stirred in bed just as trump slipped under the covers and started massaging his VP/lover's weenis. Mike purred. It was all coming together.

1016 words of pure misery... brought to you by the people who will single-handedly bring about a Biblical apocalypse.