Uncle Wheatley is NOT a moron

And your eyes sparkle like diamonds

"Yes of course I haven't forgotten," I said adjusting my cell phone against my ear, "I'm busy, though. I'll pick you up at five, alright?"

Chell sighed on the other line. "Alright. You better not be late. I'm stuck here with two dozen of my weirdo relatives. I'm hiding in my closet."

I laughed. "I won't be late. I promise. Love you!"

"Love you too, Uncle Wheatley! Oh no...... I think they found me. Gottago-"

"Bye." I was cut short by a loud 'beep'. I sighed and slipped my cell phone back into my pocket.

Chell's birthday was slowly drawing nearer as the days dragged their feet. I didn't want to miss it, but with the long hours I spent in the underground facility it was starting to look like I might be stuck. Her father was having a celebration for his promotion and the poor girl was left at home with her aunts and uncles and such.

I raised my eyes back to my desk and spotted the flier that had been left for me. "Project Android is starting! Looking for Volunteers!"

I scowled and started to throw it away, but stopped. It was a waste of paper to throw them all away. And maybe it would be best for me to read up on Aperture new experiment.

I grabbed a file off of my desk and exited the room.

Project Android was going to be the break through of the century. The idea was to create artificial intelligence and have it make its own thoughts and reason with itself and other people. Many companies had already been working on artificial intelligence; it was a very popular project, but not the way Aperture was working on it.

To make something that thinks for itself was difficult, but the CEO, Cave Johnson, was smarter than most. His idea was to build artificial from organic. To make a person into an android and have it develop its own mind. I didn't quite understand how it would work, but the thought of it was genius.

I strode down the hall, eyes locked on the flier, when suddenly- 'Whump!'

"Ow!" A burning sensation covered my torso and my bum hit the ground.

"I am so sorry!" said a feminine voice.

Once I came to my senses, I saw coffee spilled down my white shirt and my papers scattered across the floor with coffee also covering them.

"Oh no, oh no. Here, let me help." A slim pale hand reached down to me.

I looked up. A woman was staring back at me with a very apologetic look was on her face. Long blonde curls hung down her back and her eyes were bright green.

I took her hand and struggled to my feet.

She started frantically wiping down my shirt and digging through her pockets. "Ah no. The one time I don't get napkins," she sighed.

"It's fine, really," I said, "Don't concern yourself."

She continued trying to get the stain out of my shirt, looking terribly flustered. "Gosh, I am so clumsy." She was wearing a blue blouse, black skirt, and a lab coat, much like mine, except several sizes too big.

"Please," I said, "Don't worry yourself. I've got plenty of clean ones at home. I can just change."

"Are you sure?" she asked, nervously.

"Yes, yes. Please don't worry. I'm sorry about your spilled coffee."

"Oh." She laughed at her empty cup, then began gathering up my soggy papers. "There's a coffee shop that I love just half a mile from here. I can get another."

"Oh. Good....great. That's, um...... that's good."

We both stood, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot and staring at the ground.

Suddenly, we spoke up.

"Would you like to-"

"What if we-"

We paused and chuckled.

"If you want I could-"

"Let me just-"

I was mentally slapping myself. If I interrupted her one more time, I was going to die. My mouth was sealed shut in fear.

She laughed nervously again, then put out her hand. "Sorry, I'm Valerie."

I seized her hand, a little too quickly. "Uh, Wheatley. My name's Wheatley."

"Okay Wheatley, how about this? You take me to the coffee shop, and I'll buy you a coffee along with mine. Hm?"

I swallowed. "I don't have a car," I squeaked.

She smiled. "Fine then. Neither do I. So we'll walk ourselves down together and buy our own coffees."

"That doesn't quite make things fair."

"Do you want a coffee or not?"

I nodded quickly.

.........

"That is brilliant," I laughed.

She sipped her coffee with a smile. "Now, where exactly are you from? I'm a little mixed up."

"Well," I began, "I'm originally from Bristol.... erm, England. Right next to Wales that is. I lived there until I was fifteen, then I moved to London with my dad. After a few years, I decided the city wasn't for me. Flew over the pond at eighteen by myself and hopped around the states for a while. I caught wind of Aperture Laboratories and signed up as quick as I could. Best decision of my life, really. What department do you work in?"

"I work in the medical section. Live in it really."

"You're a doctor?!" I asked, shocked.

"No no," she laughed, "I could never be a doctor. I'm more of a minor job nurse. I recruit and work with the test subjects and I oversee most of the experiments."

"That sounds wonderful!"

"It's maddening actually. Have you heard the new experiments they're working on?"

"Who hasn't?"

"They're insane! I mean, putting people into robots bodies just to grasp at artificial intelligence? That's sick! People are people, not robots."

"Well I- .......I was....... um..... going to uh......."

She raised her eyebrows. "You- you were gonna sign up?"

"Well I-"

"I didn't mean to be rude. I really didn't. It's a great idea, honest. Go for it."

"No no. It's perfectly fine, really. I'm not offended in slightest. I probably won't even do it."

"No, you should. It could be interesting."

I slowed down my quick paced speech.

She smiled awkwardly. Her green eyes glittered prettily. I mentally slapped myself again to admit it, but she was lovely.

My pocket vibrated. "Sorry, just a moment," I said.

"Not a problem."

I fumbled with my phone and dropped it on the floor. Finally, I manged to pull it up to my eye level. The ringing had ended, but my caller ID showed a smiling little girl with long black hair.

Realization hit me very suddenly. The time read 5:25. "Oh no. Oh no no no no. I'm so very sorry, Valerie. I have to go. I'm late."

"Not a problem," she said again.

I scooped up my coat and cup. "We- we should do this again some time, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah definitely. Hang on one sec." She drew a pen out of her top pocket and took a napkin from the table.

I nervously tapped my toe and checked my watch; 5:29.

She shoved the napkin into my pocket. "I'll be seeing you, Wheatley," she said.

"Thank you, goodbye!" I raced out of the coffee shop and down the street.