The story of us// Hyunlix

The last push pt.2

*Two weeks later*

I couldn't do it anymore. I had missed school for two whole weeks and had been inside my house alone feeling the worst pain I had ever experienced till then. I was praying my parents weren't informed by the school yet, because I didn't want them to be worried again. This time I had to get my shit together by myself.

But it was hard I was starting to realize that.

"Ji," I said when Jisung picked up my call.

"Lix? Are you ok?" he asked worriedly when he heard my voice.

"No..." I said and broke into tears.

"I'll take the first plane home, hold on"

I thought I could do it alone but I couldn't. I was getting suffocated by my emotions. Emotions I had numbed out for a few months were now hitting me twice as hard, but I didn't dare to use drugs again. I knew I had to stop, for me first and for the other people I kept hurting. I understood that I needed to ask for help because alone I was getting nowhere.

Looking back I think that was the first step I took to changing and maturing as a person. Realized I couldn't do it alone, that I had fucked up again big time and that I needed a hand to hold.

The next day I received a message from Jisung letting me know that he had gotten the plane and was coming home.

And when Jisung came home, he didn't ask questions, he just hugged me and let me cry and be as pathetic as I needed to be to let it all out. Even when I told him everything he didn't blame me and he didn't get mad he just listened.

"You need to fix things with Hyunjin," he said and I nodded.

"I know"

"But first of all you need to promise me you won't take any more drugs...you were doing fine...is it my fault for leaving," he said feeling guilty.

"No don't blame yourself. It's my fault...I'll be better I promise."

"Ok, Lix now let's dry those tears and go eat ice cream ok," he said wiping my tears away and smiling at me.

"Ok," I said with a nod.

°°°

June 2018

Two months since I was clean again. I was feeling better but I wasn't fine yet. Last month I tried to keep myself focused on school since it was my graduation year and it helped distract me. Of course, school was still hell, but heaven compared to how I felt inside.

As always June came and I went to Korea, but this time our visit was cut short because of my mom's work. We only stayed a week.

Which and I only had 7 days to make things right with Hyunjin. I tried to get in contact with him every day but he would ignore all my calls and messages. I couldn't even ask Minho to tell him because he was busy with school.

So the day I was leaving Korea I finally had enough and went to his house, hoping I would find him home.

I knocked on the door and Yeji opened it.

"Oh hey Felix!" she said.

"Hey, Yej!"

"You're here for Hyunjin?"

"Yes, is he home? He isn't answering my calls..."

"Oh, his phone broke last week he still hasn't gotten a new one."

"Ah," I said and felt a tinny bit of relief knowing that he wasn't ignoring me on purpose this time.

"He's on the roof he's drawing I think," she said letting me in."

"Can I go see him?"

"Sure," she said and showed me where the stairs for the roof of their house were.

I got to the roof and found him sitting there drawing something. He turned around and looked at me surprised.

"Felix?"

"Hey..."

"Hey"

"Can we talk?"

"Yeah," he said and put his drawing away. I went to sit next to him but not too close.

"You don't hate me do you...?" I asked and he shook his head.

"No, I don't think I'm capable of hating you...but I was a little mad at you"

"I get it...and I'm sorry, really"

"It's ok I guess...I mean it's not like you did anything..."

"I hurt you"

"Yes, but it's my own fault for having... different expectations, I think"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing forget it." he sighed.

"Jinnie, are we good again?" I asked hoping he would forgive me once again.

"Yes we're good."

"You sure?"

"Yeah," he said but he felt different a bit colder and distant.

"Ok then I'm glad"

"Can I just ask you something? he said looking at the sky.

"Sure"

"Do you know what you want now, Lix?" he asked and I stayed silent thinking of how I could answer.

"Yes"

"What is it you want then?"

"What I want is y-"

I was cut off by my phone ringing. I swear to god my mom had terrible timing.

"My mom sorry I have to answer" I sighed and picked up.

"Mom?"

"Lix we leave for the airport in 30 minutes where the hell are you?"

"What do you mean in 30 minutes?"

"Yes I told you we were leaving at 4 p.m where's your head?" she sighed. My head heart and everything were on the person standing next to me but little did she know.

"Ok I'll be there in 5 minutes"

"Sorry, Jinnie I gotta run home we're leaving."

"Don't worry we'll meet again in a month."

"Yes I know, my invitation to stay at my place is still valid..."

"I'll consider," he said.

"Alright bye Jinnie," I said and I wanted to hug him but I wasn't sure.

"Bye Lixie," he said and hugged me. I took a breath of relief and melted into the hug. I missed him.

"See you"

"Yeah," he said and I ran downstairs goodbye to Yeji and got home almost out of breath from the running.

I was relieved to have somehow made peace with Hyunjin but I knew things weren't good still. I had to make things better. So I decided however it went, when he came to Australia, I would confess. I needed to at least try and make it work. But my hopes were low because I had hurt him many times.

I was still determined to do it regardless of the outcome because I didn't want to live knowing I had been the one who broke us and regretting not doing the things I should have done to fix us. If we could be fixed at all.

This chapter sucks I'm sorry, but bear with me the next one will be better.