The story of us// Hyunlix

I love you

August 2021

Hyunjin pov.

Over the last 2 years, Felix has made me feel many different things, admiration, confusion, attraction, love, incertency, sadness, and only recently anger.

From the very beginning, from the first time I saw him, I knew there was no turning back. Lee Felix really walked in and turned my world upside down with his cute smile and beautiful freckles. I had never felt anything like that for anyone, ever.

As we got to know each other and became friends I realized that I was actually falling for him. It was scary because it was too quick. I was terrified. I think he was too.

And then from friends, we went to whatever the fuck we had been for almost 2 years.

Once I got to have a taste of him, his body, his lips, and once I got to know and understand him, I knew I was in for a long ride. He was addictive.

I tried looking for other people who could make me feel that way but it was useless. Felix had my heart from the very start, but he made me feel like he never wanted it.

Pushing and pulling was his favorite game, a game I came to hate as time went by.

One day he was pouring his heart at me and the other day he was cold and distant. I didn't understand. Because I knew he wanted me probably as much as I wanted him. So why, why push me away? I loved him but I was angry at him at the same time.

Felix was like an angel, an angel that kept stabbing my heart with a sharp knife, but at the end of the day, he was the only one able to heal it again. He would hurt my feeling over and over again and I would always forgive him because somehow, somewhere deep inside of me I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose. Call me an idiot, maybe I was, but I couldn't hate him, I just couldn't.

I couldn't hate him but I was mad at him. I finally had enough when after entire nights spent together in the most vulnerable states humans can be, I would wake up to an empty bed and a stupid excuse. I just couldn't do it anymore.

"Are you ok?" asked Minho when I got back from Australia that day.

"I'm fine"

"Liar. What happened?" he asked me. I tried to hold back my tears.

"Nothing."

"Ok...let's go eat something and make you feel better alright?" he said and I nodded.

Minho didn't push it. He never did. He knew I was one of those people who only opened up when I felt like it, and he respected that. We went out that night and ate dinner at an expensive restaurant we both love. He even paid to cheer me up.

"Minho?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked after we were done eating and getting ready to leave.

"I don't think so. Why?"

"Love hurts," I said and he looked at me with a sad expression.

"Oh...I'm so sorry..."

"It's ok. Let's go drink I need to not think right now" I said and we went clubbing.

°°°

It was now August and I had to go to Australia because I had to go to college. Although I had already made "peace" with Felix, I was still hurt and angry. I felt like things could never be the same again and that hurt even more.

At the airport, before Felix could pick us up I had a little breakdown with Minho. He had found out about me and Felix hocking up but he didn't know I was actually in love with him. I mean he knew of course because he was my best friend but I had never explicitly told him I was in love with his cousin and I was suffering because of him.