17 00
Went to school. Was kinda fun ig. Made some good food and ice cream. Vanilla ice cream makes me dizzy lol.
Natma stepped on the wrong bus today. I kinda saved her by spamming her phone that shes in 130 and not 123.
Bruh two years of anger management are going to trash bc of one fucking person.
I know she has a resting bitch face and obviously cant do shit about that but i can hear it in her voice.
When shes talking to someone else its like actually happy or non hateful
When shes talking to me its like i ruined her life.
I mean at this point if u dislike me so much just leave and stop being my 'friend'
I would much rather stick with britt at this point. Atleast she doesnt seem to hate me for every move i make. While its annoying to only hear her talk about her friends that probably hate me, i think it would be better than with someone who doesn't like anything about me.
Only times she actually sounds happy when talking to me is when shes talking about something she likes.
Also first words she said to me today were literally just mocking my voice again. Does she like not notice how quiet i get after that?? The way i immediately put my ear buds in so it wont be awkward when no ones talking anymore??
Today she also asked me to talk more. IM SO FUCKING CONFUSED??? THE AMOUNT OF TIMES SHE SAID FOR ME TO SHUT UP OR THAT MY VOICE ANNOYS HER IS GIGANTIC. AND HERE SHE COMES WITH TALK MORE?!.
Also shes absolutely over exaggerating the things i say. Just bc i remind you something important and tell you the best date you could plan our stage thing a few times doesnt mean i say it all the time. I said it only like twice and here she comes with 'stop saying that i know, you say it all the time. And i know the date, you said it 4 times already'
I know she doesn't listen to anything i say but just bc i said something twice in a day doesn't mean i say it all the time
Idk why tf shes hanging so much about the things i said in the past. 'Im pretty sure i learned more from the internet than school' i said once and shes like 'stop saying that, you say it every month, every year' bruh i literally never even said that ever. Maybe once in class 1 or 2.
Honestly i dont even know what to feel. I try to ignore my anger but its turning into sadness or just nothing. I dont wanna be angry about such little things. I really dont. But at this point she shes the one repeating herself more than me. 'you say that everytime' its the only thing she says to me.
Why are emotions so difficult??
Rn im sobbing and i just threw my phone. Luckily its not an apple one. No nokia tho so i should not do that again.
No but for real. I dont know whose the problem in this relationship anymore. I dont wanna say im innocent bc i dont know what stuff i do that makes her hate me so much. But at the same time it feels like shes just sticking with me bc im easy to vent her anger out.
I know i may poke her between the ribs if i get angered and it hurts but she also just shoves me around or pulls my backpack randomly without no reason.
All i want is good between us and i really try my best. But everything i do seems to make it worse. While shes not even trying.
Also with that mixed arts class. Shes getting angry at me bc the class doesn't have the things she likes.
How tf is it my fault. We knew the risk of maybe waiting a few hours in school if we finished early. Its not like i made her go with me. I didnt say anything about her needing to go with me. I didnt even want to go. I literally said if shes not going then i won't too. Bc i literally wasn't much interested. She joined so i did too. And now she hates it so much even tho she knew this could have happened.
I dont mind this class at all and i kinda like it too now that im actually in it. But she seems to blame me for her joining.
I really like it bc now i can socialize with the more social and also nice students in there. Its good for me. Even if its not like i imagined it.
The only person in the entire classroom there seems to be her. While she is active in replying to the teacher. The only things she sounds like shes enjoying is when shes talking about her stuff. Otherwise shes just focusing on games on her laptop and if i ever interrupt her (while shes not doing anything that requires focus. I literally wait for her to finish a fight) she gives me a glare. Half looks at the thing i wanted to show her and is like 'sigh... Ok' or barely listens to what i wanted to say and is like 'yeah yeah'
I dont know, was i supposed to not say anything to her while shes like that? Even if its something important?
I mean she seems to do this to me but when im playing a game on my phone she just interrupts me like its nothing.
Or or with music. I put one ear in and listen quietly to some music and shes like how rude. But she has both in, hard music, and shes like thats not rude. Im just listening to some music.
There is so many things that she does that make me feel bad.
I just talk and apparently that ruins her entire mood.
Or she didnt sleep at all, didnt eat at all and is mad at me for talking. Why are you mad at me?? I didnt make you not do the basic things everyone needs. Bro even when i dont sleep or eat i dont act like that. While i may be easier to piss off, the first thing that comes out of my mouth isnt an insult or mocking you.
I feel really bad every time she is rude to me. I know i shouldnt care that much but yknow after being stuck with someone for years i get attached to them and everything they think about me matter a lot to me.
I hope she doesn't actually forget to call the dude. If she does were fucked all because of her.
This isnt the first time she forgot about something important and ended dragging me down with her.
Camping with school? Forgot to choose where she wanted to go until almost everyone took a Spot so i had to go with her to a different place than i wanted to. I didnt want to alone with a bunch of strangers. Nor did she.
Any type of school work we have to do together? I end up doing more and she has to do her tiny piece of work in like 1 day bc she does shit at the last second. Or she does work on it but makes it all about sans and is not serious at all.
Shes never serious.
Any type of document?? Gotta draw a dick on it. Presentation? Add in some meme music.
I dont mind it much but like this is about our grade so i would like if you took it a little bit seriously.
Thats all i ask for.
This diary is literally my brain and my thoughts. Obviously i dont know if some of these are real. Maybe she doesnt hate me. Maybe its just me making shit up. But it feels real and it hurts.
17 57
