Everything's Alright

Jack

Mark and I go get dinner at McDonalds and sit in my living room to watch Netflix. He says he /has/ to show me this anime called 'Ouran High School Host Club'. He's sitting on the couch while I sit on the floor, knees pulled into my sweatshirt, not touching our spread of nuggets, burgers, and fries, only slightly sipping on my tea. We get about five episodes in, and I wipe tears from my eyes. This was hysterical! Mark pauses it. I look at him and I see he's been watching me, looking concerned.
"Jack, why aren't you eating?" Mark asks softly. Oh fuck, I knew we'd have to talk about this at some point. I just wish it wasn't so soon. I've already told him about the depression and the anxiety, I didn't want him to worry about how much of a fucking train wreck I really am.
"Mark, you know I'm a mess." I say sadly. There's no point in hiding it. "I'm sorry." I say. I'm fucking ruining this for him, and I know it.
"Jack, please don't apologize. I know it's hard. I know you're trying. Could you at least eat... something?" Mark says. I feel my throat tighten as I get a pit in my stomach. I reach out a shaky hand for a French fry, looking for the smallest one. I nibble on it and look up at Mark, who looks happier, but only by a fraction. He resumes the screen, and we go on until about 1:00. Mark, of course, is the first one to look at the time and point it out. I lead him to my room and tell him to be comfortable. I pack up all of our food and lie down on the couch.
I wake up only a half hour later, drenched in sweat and shaking. I had a nightmare, where Mark got eaten by a bear. The thing is, the bear almost had me, when Mark tried to fight it off. He told me to run and never look back, but I didn't obey. I watched it tear out Mark's throat. It was coming. I think I'm having a panic attack. I sit up and try to control my breathing. I fall forward and put my elbows on my knees, burying my face in my hands. I felt my tears gather and pool in the soft fabric of the shirtsleeves.