Everything's Alright

Jack

I brush my teeth while staring at myself in the mirror. The circles under my eyes are growing darker by the day. This is my 12th day back home, but I still feel a weight in my stomach, as if I have to be there for Mark. What if something goes wrong? If he gets scared? I unceremoniously climb into the bed and fall asleep faster than humanly possible. I wake up to my ring tone blaring directly in my ear, and the contact freezes my soul.
"Hello?" I ask, my voice still thick from sleep.
"Hi, my name is Ryleigh and I'm from Palm Springs general hospital. Am I speaking to Sean?" Asks a light, high-pitched voice from the other end.
"Yes." I tell her.
"Mr. McLoughlin-Fischback, we need you to come to the hospital to fill out some forms. Unfortunately, your patient, Mark," I already know what she's going to tell me before she says it, "has passed away." Even if it was expected, the news hit me like a ton of bricks.
"I'll be there as soon as I can." I say.
"Thank you." She says.
I hang up. The hours after were a blur. It was a lot of screaming, crying, and cursing. Dan came over and comforted me for a while. I eventually went to the hospital at 3:00. I filled out the forms and handed them in with tear stains.
-
While I'm standing next to the coffin, I realize I'm hyperventilating. I attempt to compose myself, but it's honestly impossible with 159 other people bawling out their eyes. I feel a hand on my back and turn around to see Arin by my side. He left Suzy next to Dan. I invited Mark's friends to the burial. All 5 Grumps are here, along with Bob, Molly, Wade, and I. I gave the place of burial on Twitter in case any fans needed closure as well. There are people overflowing out of the cemetery. What really gets me is seeing all of the fans' faces. Some look sad, but I see 1/3 of the crowd absolutely devastated. Just seeing the impact Mark made on everybody... his father would be proud. Of course, the funeral was a more private thing. I tried to speak, but I broke down after the first paragraph. I feel my heart rate quicken as I stare at the cold, unforgiving box that holds my Mark. The general din silences almost immediately after they start to lower the coffin. I completely lose it, then.
--
As soon as I get home, I run to the bathroom and start to wretch over the sink. Mark's not here to get me through it. I hear a knock on the door and both Dan and Ross are trying to coax me out.
"Come on, man, just talk to us!" Even Danny was struck with tears at Mark's funeral.
"Jack, please," I saw Ross trying to be a rock, during the burial, but we all remember the amazing Guest Grumps he was on. I have 20 different fanarts of his grump head. Hell, Ross even made me one and put them on pillows as a wedding gift. I try to rationalize my thoughts, but I somehow make it worse. One realization cuts through the others like a knife;
I have to come out of here sooner or later. I unlock the door, tears streaming down my face. My head is so low it's practically 20 feet under ground. Ross and Danny move over so I can get through, and I walk to the couch and put my face into a pillow. I feel a hand awkwardly pat my back. My breathing is shallow and ragged.
I am broken.