Everything's Alright

Mark

My hands are trembling. It's been a month, maybe more, since Jack and I were engaged, and now he's moving in with me? This is more than I could've wanted. Jack just got on the plane, which is why I stopped face timing him. He seems overjoyed. He made his coming out video the day after our PAX Prime panel and got significantly less hate than I did, and less hate than he thought he would. I realize it's almost noon and go to upload my video. I wonder how much my neighbors are gonna hate us, since 2 very loud people are going to be recording all hours of the day. To feel better, a do a full-scale search of the apartment, inspecting for anything that looks too horrible. I upload another video right on time and head out to get Jack. I drive a tiny blue Mercedes and keep the radio at a low volume. I decide to wear my beanie, as my hair is out of control. I need a haircut. Soon enough, I'm waiting anxiously for him to get off the plane and fiddle with the steering wheel. I stop my car and wait outside. Something in my stomach makes me nervous. My fingers trace the intricate carvings on my engagement ring. Oh God, it's him. My heart's pounding. Trying to add humor to the situation, I lay down on the steering wheel. I get some stares, but he runs over with probably a million bags. I help him load them up in the backseat and we drive off. He has to hold onto his hat as the wind almost snatches it away from him. He's wearing a bright blue sweater and jeans. It's 90°. Knowing all of his... ailments so far, I decide its best not to question his fashion choices. Neither of us talk, knowing the wind would undoubtedly silence us. It doesn't take some unbearable amount of time to get to my apartment complex, but it's still pretty long. Once we get inside with all the boxes, Jack's mouth starts going a million miles an hour. He's asking questions at light speed, about recording, where to sleep, and words are gushing out of him. For a man who never talks in public, he sure has a lot to say. Of course, we work it all out in time. Soon enough, it's 6:39. We head out to meet up with Danny for a night out. It's Friday. We find some shitty burger place in downtown L.A. and I'm laughing my ass off. Jack is staying (understandably, as he LOVES Dan and his work and has never formally met him) quiet. We end up leaving at 10:00.
"Hey, Jack?" I say to him in the car. He looks at me, concerned.
"Uh... yeah?" He replies, quiet and distant.
"Well, you know how a couple of months ago, when we were in Ireland, you showed me that old park?" I tell him, formulating a plan.
"Yeah. That was fun." He says in reply.
"I feel like I should return the favor. You up for it?" I ask. Jack perks right up.
"Hell yeah!" He says. I take a turn into a gravelly back road. The night air is cool against my exposed face. I go a couple of miles until we reach an empty clearing. Taking up the middle of this clearing is a decaying wooden swing set. The wooden beams look bad, but I know they're stable. I come here much too often. Just... thinking. The swings, having once been an electric green, have dulled into a more mature, forest-like color. Rather than chains, there are strange plastic twisty thingies. I rush over to the left swing.
Seeing Jack stay behind in the car, I shout, "Come on, dude!" At him. He hurdles the passenger side door and rushes over to the right swing. Seeing the contrast of bright blue against dull green, my senses find a strange, unearthly harmony at the sight. I start to kick my legs back and forth, gaining momentum. Jack looks at me worriedly.
"Is this thing, like, stable?" I barely hear him, as he's quieter than a mouse.
"Oh, yeah. I do this all the time!" I answer. He shrugs, takes my word for it, and just barely makes a movement. I really feel concerned for him. I stop swinging. "...Jack?" I ask. He looks at me, baby blue eyes wide with anticipation. "What's wrong? I know something is." I see a small internal battle go on. He puts a slightly pained look on his face.
"Mark... I'm sorry. I've gotten so much worse. I'm sorry. I don't know why. I'm sorry." He tells me.
"Why're you wearing a sweater, Jack?" I ask, reaching Jack's tone. He can't bring himself to answer. He places his elbows firmly on his knees and puts his head in his hands.
"I'm scared, Mark. What if you hate me? What if we end up like your parents?" I can tell by his husky tone that he's gonna cry.
"Jack..." What were once words are now dust in my mouth. I swallow and try again. "Jack, I'm in love with you. Hopelessly in love. That would never happen... at least, not for me." I feel something in my stomach churn. Does Jack not want to marry me? I push that thought away as soon as possible. We sit in silence.
"I do love you, Mark. I just don't trust myself to keep you loving me." He says.
"Jack, you can't keep me from loving you. You're too amazing for that to happen." We sit in silence more. And more. And more.
"Mark?" He says.
"Yeah?" I say.
"Can we just, like, go home?" He says.
"Yeah." I say.