DO NOT READ THIS

IN NO CASE, LIFE OR DEATH, SHOULD ANYONE READ THIS

CLA: Ash, I have a very important question to ask you, in fact Ash, if this question is answered wrong, I will no longer be able to remain friends with you.

ASH: *An hour later* Oh, dear. Alright, what's the question?

CLA: I don't know I can't remember the question, anyway... I hate it when your sick, I mean come on, out viewers count on us to be alive and healthy in order to write them literal garbage that they then read and comment on. How dare you let them down like that.

ASH: Viewers? Okay, you know what, I'm just gonna pretend to know what you're talking about.... probably more of that 'ruler of the world' stuff... And I'm sorry for being sick.

CLA: *Crying* Are you telling me that nobody is ever going to read this so it is pointless and we might as well stop now... And as for that mocking sentence about the ruler of the world I shall only say this... OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!

ASH: Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Stop crying, I'm sure someone will read this and it'll be wonderful and it definitely won't be pointless, and also please don't cut off my head! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry! *cowers in a corner* Also when did you become the queen of hearts? ....Nevermind, don't answer that.

CLA: What?... *Shakes had in confusion* You mean you DON'T want to hear one of my awsome, yes without the e, stories? Okay then... And Ash I could never cut off your head. I love your hair too much to get it bloody... Maybe a lethal injection, or a bullet to the heart... Just leave the head.

ASH: Oh, yeah, a lethal injection, that'd be much better. Just don't kill me in general, please! And really, why in the world are you so obsessed with my hair? Is that really the only reason you wouldn't cut off my head? Wow, I feel so touched and cared for.

CLA: I do care about you Ashley, but as a genius at the greatness of Sherlock Holmes himself, I cannot admit it to the open public for fear of demonstrating my weakness-. Wait, I can't do this anymore. Ashley it is time I told you the truth.

ASH: The.... truth? Should I be scared? I should be scared.

CLA: Yea... You should be, for both the times you just asked. I have a secret I have been keeping for awhile...

ASH: Is this a bigger secret than the fact that you rule the universe? Because if so, I might need to sit down, prepare myself with a glass of water, that sort of thing.

CLA: Ashley, I am your father... *Falls over laughing* You should have seen your face it was like, and then like *makes vague emotions on face* But that was my way of announcing my new ally, Dark Vader is here to tell you our new plan for universal education.

ASH: I think I'm gonna cry... Dark Vader? Seriously? Is this like Darth Vader's strange twin? I can't even bring myself to be worried for the universes education! *laughs hysterically*

CLA: Well after losing the war, and supposedly dying he reformed himself, and changed his name in order to keep up with pop-culture whatever that means, anyways here he is, everyone in our live studio audience, please give a warm round of applause for Mr. Vader!!!!

GUEST SPEAKER #12/DARK VADER: Hello *Breath* I must tell you have "happy" I am to be here, mainly because it comes with the contract *Breath*. I am not supposed to tell you *Breath* but Claudia here *Breath* is going to-

CLA: *makes Dark Vador disappear* and that is all the time we have for guest speaker number whatever... He wasn't going anywhere with that sentence...

ASH: Um... okay... I.... sure. Not gonna worry about it.... No. On second thought, where was he going with that? I think I would rather know at this point if the world is going to explode sometime in the near future or something...

CLA: You know if we were llamas your name would be Paul or whatever and mine would be Carl... Anyways he was just skipping ahead to next month with that sentence *whispers to audience* Ash is having a birthday next month, and I have the very best (well at least in my opinion) Party and present planned ever!!!!!!!

ASH: Was I supposed to not hear that? In either case, why is Darth- sorry, Dark Vader excited about my birthday party? So confused... And also, why is there a contract involved?

CLA: Well I planned on waiting until we got there, but I suppose I can give you your present early... Wait, no I can't ... Hey look Dark Vador fixed the Death Star... And it is heading toward our live studio audience... It's a good thing we were on mars... Bye live studio audience!!!! *The Studio on mars, that was once a courtroom and a box and a closet, and a stage and a nothing and a kitchen counter and many, many other things now turns back into Ashley's closet.* I guess I shouldn't have contracted a villain to help with a birthday. *shrugs*

ASH: So that means that we can't get any more laughs on command at our not-very funny jokes? Darn.... I really counted on that... Also, no duh you shouldn't have asked a villain to help with a birthday!

CLA: Don't worry Cla, I'll still laugh at you not so funny jokes, I'll even pretend to laugh outside of these conversations... Though I can't promise anything.

ASH: Please, don't bother... Though I do appreciate it. Thank you Cla. Also I appreciate any and all effort put into a birthday present, even if it results in our live studio audience exploding. RIP.

CLA: Do you want to know the worst part of him destroying the live studio audience?

ASH: I have a feeling what it might be, but what is it?

CLA: Luke was in the audience, so I have decided to make you the new Skywalker... Have fun in your battle to the death...

ASH: Luke as in my dog, or.... Oh. No, I guess it was the other Luke. Well, alright. If I don't make it back for my birthday, please hold a funeral for me and bury my phone in place of my body or something... Yeah, that'll work. Tell my family I love them!

CLA: No, Ash you have got it all wrong... I will have people dressed in all black sit in back of your funeral, with sunglasses and earpieces on, that way everyone thinks you live a double life... I mean you do, as my third in command, but you know secret agent and stuff, so people don't think that your lame or anything... Not that you are or, uh, yeah...

ASH: Right, I had forgotten... that sounds much better, thank you. I'm going to ignore that last bit.

CLA: But before you go I remembered the question...

ASH: Oh, goody! What was it?

CLA: Do you like bananas or apples better (Hint, this is when Joe the monkey got promoted)

ASH: .... Was this even ever a conversation? I don't remember it being a conversation... Ugh... Um.... Pineapples? Yes. Between apples and bananas, I like pineapples best.

CLA: You have answered wrong. You have been voted off the island.

ASH: When did this become survivor??? *Vanishes*

CLA: Hello *Echos* *thinks for a moment* *Laughs evilly* I am alone in my own mind...

END OF CHAPTER *dun dun dun.....*

Thank you all for being so patient; finals and school- and our awsome voice of Ashley being sick- have all been factors in the delay. We hope that you will stay with our terrible story, even if we advise you not to read this... One last thing- I call for a shout out to all of our fans and the people who comment, it really makes my day whenever I see those things, all of our viewers are amazing... Thank you so much... Yes this was Claudia who gave you such a deep speech, but I'm practicing for when I get my grammy!!!