isntepic Archive

nostalgia - 3

I understand it not,
Why we had stumbled across each other,
Stumbled because of each other.
Stumbled past each other,
In the messy ending,
That left me bleeding for months.

Years.

I wonder,
If you went through it too.
If you felt the pain like I did.
If you broke the way I did,
And smiled through it all.

I lay awake in bed most nights,
Still,
Thinking about you,
And the life we could've had,
If not for that too high fence we couldn't get over,
That you'd hold me,
As we lay in bed together,
Whispering sweet nothings,
Just like in the stories.

Just like in my imagination.

Can you imagine,
Thinking we'd have forever,
Eternity,
All of life,
To be together?

Did you think we'd spend our days together?
Wrapped in each other's warm embrace,
Going out of school,
Growing old together.

I might've, probably.

I would assume you did too.
Just like how you'd thought of names,
For our future kids.

Funny how life is, huh?
That nothing lasts forever,
Not even the healthiest of things,
The strongest,
Lasts forever.

Things change.
Just like everything else.

We grow up,
And old.
And think about why we chose these things,
Why we enjoyed these things.

Why did we love for 3 years?
Pine for each other for the other 5?
Then blow everything up in the last 2?

What was everything we had worked up to for?
What did all those words we exchanged mean?

No.
There are no questions,
Because everything was real.
And honest.
Because we genuinely cared.
And now we don't.

Like how we exchanged 'I love you's
Although not knowing what it was,
But knowing that it would have to do with
Caring for each other,
Being there for each other,
Making sure the other one was alright,
And well.
That was love,
And I think that is love.

Maybe.

Honest,
And pure.
You made sure to treat me well,
With patience,
And whatever powers you had,
That I could be satiated instantly.

That you'd only say those words because you meant it.
And you always said those words,
Because you meant it.
Until you didn't,
And I stopped too,
Noticing you stopped.
Not questioning why.

But maybe you were thinking those words in your head,
Like I was.
I would hope,
Nightly.

But that's the past,
I tell myself as I reminisce.
Because nothing lasts forever.
Because I love you enough,
To let you go,
Respect you enough,
To give you the space you'd probably need,
Wanted.

So,
Thank you.
You,
The one and only I have ever loved,
And maybe you were my first love,
But I would want my next love,
To care for me as much as you did.
Thus there's only one of you,
And one of these unforgettable journeys through my youth.

As I watch you from afar,
And fade into the distance,
Disappear into the depths of your memories,
Like just another ghost of your past.

And maybe one day,
We'll stumble upon each other,
A long way down the path,
As our fates cross paths once again.
Maybe once more,
Or not anymore.

But at least you're still there.
Not waiting,
But there.
Same for me.

Love you.

(July 21, 2022, 9:45 AM)