Gangs and Roses

Chapter Twenty-Seven [final]

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. My lip trembled. A tear trickled down the side of my cheek and my hands shook. I honestly couldn't believe this. How had I got here? How had my life turned out to be like this? Never in a million years would I have chosen to go this route. I'd always thought I would settle down someday with the one; I would have children and a dog...and a picket fence...I didn't want this. Why would anybody want to live the life like this? It was fun at first. It had been exciting and thrilling to be part of a gang but now, with the consequences just around the corner, I couldn't help but think back to the hundreds and hundreds of times I could've managed to escape all this and live the life I wanted.  

I was definitely pregnant. I was one-hundred percent pregnant. I had a child growing inside me, at the worst possible time. This wasn't how things were supposed to work out. This wasn't how things were supposed to work out at all.  

The bathroom I was in was cramped and small and it choked me, not being able to breath. The air around me was cold and I hugged arms. My hair was a mess. I hadn't seen a hairbrush for days. My face hadn't come into contact with makeup for even longer. I hadn't felt safe for much longer, much, much longer.  

The cracked mirror seemed to emphasize the way I was feeling. I wanted to be the first to mark it, to get so angry and annoyed with myself that it would scar my reflection for as long as I looked into it. But someone had beaten me to it, despite how scarred my reflection already was.  

Charlotte had leant me a woollen jumper which I used to hide my hands because they never seemed to want to come out these days. I chucked the two positive pregnancy tests into the bin before washing m hands. The freezing cold water pierced my skin but I didn't really mind.  

Unbolting the door, I stepped out into the main living room where everyone was situated. It was silent. It had been like that for a while. The only time some kind of noise was made in the house was when Isaac was crying and when Will was trying to fix the signal of the old telly that only crackled and burnt your ears. Erin was nursing Isaac on the couch, bobbing him up and down as he grabbed fistfuls of her clothing. Seb, Will and Joe all sipped on bottles of beer. Luke hadn't left his closet of a bedroom all day and Joe was busy studying Charlotte's face as if he was trying to remember it because he didn't want to forget what she looked like.  

The door closing behind me made everyone look up. "Are you?" Charlotte said softly.  

It wasn't a secret anymore. Everyone knew I was pregnant. And the two more pregnancy tests I had taken just confirmed. I nodded. "Yeah." I ran a hand down my face, feeling my stomach rumble for some kind of food (preferably Oreos but I knew I couldn't be picky) and I managed to drag myself over to the armchair Will was sitting on and plonk myself down on top of him.  

I felt his hands snake around my waist. I leant back and rested my head against his shoulder. I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry and let the tears flow so badly but I couldn't with everyone staring.  

"It's going to be okay," Will said into my ear.  

My gaze raised from the floor to Seb who was looking right at me. "Can I talk to you, Seb? In private."

Seb put his bottle onto the coffee table and stood-up. "Sure."  

Will gave me a confused look but I merely shook my head. I followed Seb into the nearest room. It happened to Sam's, not that you could tell seeing as there was none of his personal belongings scattering the place, his clothes piling on the floor. The only way I could tell was that his duvet was on the floor in a large mound. Despite the deathly nights, Sam didn't like to sleep with the covers on.