Hughie:............ What?
Silence again as Y/N placed his hands on his knees and looks down at the ground before he decided to continue.
Y/N: When it happened, I at first didn't know she had died.......... Until I looked around and saw her lifeless eyes staring at me. I felt so many emotions at the moment, but I mostly felt enraged and infuriated. So, I tried to attack Homelander in my blind rage......... but I couldn't, for some reason my body wouldn't move when I tried. Maybe it was because I subconsciously knew this wasn't how I should deal with him. Or maybe I was just too much of a coward to actually act on my rage.
Y/N takes a deep breath as he continues what he was saying.
Y/N: That's the major reason as to why I took the "sabbatical" from all things Vought, and why I stopped being Superboy for a while.
Hughie: What?
Hughie was shocked, he knew that Superboy hadn't been at Vought for a while until they met each other and Butcher. But he never knew the reason why was so serious, and Y/N stopped being Superboy? That seemed unfathomable.
Y/N: Those following years I became someone............something else entirely. Not even human anymore, I became some sort of blood thirsty animal.
Y/N looks down at his hands clenching them into fists several times before he just left them alone.
Hughie: What do you mean?
After a brief pause Y/N said one sentence that shook Hughie to his core.
Y/N: I stopped pulling my punches.
Hughie was scared, grimacing, and shocked all at the same time. He felt bad for whoever or whatever would be on the receiving end of Superboys rage. He's seen what he's capable of doing while holding back, and in some cases a lot. But a Superboy who's not holding back and worrying about someone's life? That's a scary thought. But Y/N didn't seem to be done describing what he meant to Hughie.
Y/N: I got rageful.............. I got bitter.
Though Hughie could only see half of Y/N's face he could see the flurry of negative emotions about those past actions he made all on his face. The sadness, guilt, regret. The tone of his voice was disheartening, hopeless, gloomy, and depressing. Nothing Hughie has ever seen or heard from Y/N before.
While Hughie was taking it all in, Y/N seemed to stare off at the wall infront of him, all the memories he tried to lock away flooding back into his mind again. And sounds that only he could hear started to make themselves known.
The sound of maniacal and crazed laughter, the sound of a man screaming in a mix of pure rage filled anger,with a mix of sorrow and misery. Followed up with the sound of hard punching with the muffled sound of yelping after each punch, and finally the sound of something that sounded scarily similar too Y/N's heat vision.
All of this came too an end when Y/N closed his eyes and took a deep breath, followed up with a long sigh.
Y/N: I went by a different hero name during those trying times. And I had a different suit, but no matter what I did I wasn't getting any better............... there was a "hero" and I use hero loosely. This hero was doing something..... unjust. And I was enraged at the time so grabbed them and flew them several thousands miles away, and I beat them within an inch of their life.
Again silence, what could Hughie say to that? Does he try to comfort him? Does he just stay quiet?
Y/N: I've been brutal with a lot of criminals, but not to that degree........... I didn't get much better until a few years before I met you. Someone helped me through my grief because they understood what I was going through..... because they went through a similar thing.
