The boy next door (with Austin Butler)

Chapter 13

'My dearest India,

From the moment I saw you, in that window it was you. I knew i needed you, the way you blushed, the way your smile could light up a room, the way you can just be effortlessly perfect. The next day i drove you to school, I don't know if you noticed but i had to try my hardest to keep my eyes off you. We walked into that school side by side and that's how I wanted to walk into school everyday, next to you. When you kissed me in that corridor it just felt so right, like it really meant something to me. In the principals office, I want to apologise for that. I messed around but only because I thought you wanted me to. You kissed me in the corridor so i assumed that you wanted to be like that with me. I just want you to know upsetting you was never my intention. That day when I got home I was so angry with myself, I thought I messed up everything with you. That night I looked out my window and saw your note and i couldn't hold back my smile. I wrote down an 'x' on the end of my note because I only do that to girls who have my whole heart. And when I caught you going to write another sign i couldn't stop admiring how stunning you were. I invited you to that party because I wanted to show you off to everyone. I wanted people to look at us and think we were a couple. When you danced away with Henry I could feel the anger building up inside, it hurt like a bunch of knives being stabbed into my stomach. I made sure to keep an eye on you all night from distances to try and keep you safe. Even if that meant hiding with another girl so you wouldn't see me, well in the end you did but without the right context. I saw you walking over to take shots for the millionth time so i finally had enough, I didn't want you being sick so I made us leave. All the anger from the night just came out and I took it all out on you and for that I'm sorry too. It just hurt to see you with someone that wasn't me. Someone who you seemed to get along better with than me. I walked you home and the whole way I had to hold myself back from just kissing you right there and then, I had never seen a more perfect girl before. When we got back to mine I tried to keep you from making mistakes and decisions with me that you would regret. I felt like that someone like me could never be with a girl like you, you are so out of my league and you could never see it. I got you that Elvis top out of my drawer, to try impress you but you were too drunk to be impressed. We watched movies but my face was barely ever looking at the screen. In those moments when I would look at you i just smiled, you were beaming at the screen and your laugh was so contagious. I could just watch you be happy forever because you deserve that and you cant get that with me. Going to sleep that night was easy next to you. It had only been a day or two but I knew that I didn't want anyone else. I still don't want anyone else but I cannot give you everything you need. The way you can make the funniest jokes or just find a way to make everyone else happy around you. The way you care for your friends is admirable, the way you and your mum accepted me as one of you throughout the weeks I will never forget. The late night runs, bike rides through the fields, shopping trips to the mall, dinners at mine and yours, those are the memories i will never EVER forget. India you will always be my first true love. We got drunk at school and made some decisions that I will never regret, what I will regret for the rest of my life is how I treated you after. I didn't pick you up that morning because I was scared, scared of rejection, scared of the regret you might feel. In school I went to the first girl and moved on her. I wanted to push you away so I wouldn't feel the pain of your rejection because that's all my mind was telling me i was going to get, rejected. As soon as I saw you leaving I wanted to talk to you, I realised how stupid I was to do that, before I could get to you Ruby stopped me. I cant explain how I wanted to go out and kiss you because I saw on your face how hurt you were and the realisation hit me that it was all in my head. I visited your house every day  with food, different takeouts and snacks for your mum to leave out for you. I didn't want to disturb you but then I found out I was moving the next day. So here I am, I have 10 minutes until I am going to L.A for good. I'm so so sorry mì amor. Keep your head up gorgeous, your will always be mine. We will meet again, maybe in another life. :)

From Austin xx ❤︎