The Colorful Path

Chapter Nine: Wake Up Call

Another few weeks have gone by since the last argument Samuel and I have had. Even after I've realized that I am not completely sexually broken, I still don't know what's wrong with me or how to fix myself.

Things with Samuel haven't gotten better, almost feels like they've gotten worse. Every time we have sex and I don't finish he just gets more angry and doesn't talk to me afterwards. He either goes right to bed or just drops me off at school without talking about it.

It sucks, I used to be able to tell Samuel everything, but ever since the party about two months ago it's been hard for me to talk to him. Every time the topic of sex or the party gets brought up, all he does is yells at me and belittles me. He always makes sure I hear everything he has to say, but he doesn't listen to even the little amount I do say let alone what I want to say.

I feel like I can't talk to him about it or anyone about it. I know what I did was wrong and I know how I feel about it is wrong, but I haven't been able to get it out of my head. I can't talk to Beth about it because it's obvious and wrong to even want to talk to her. I absolutely can't talk about this to my parents, what would they think about me? What would they even say? I don't have any friends from college because Samuel has me on house arrest with him and I'm kind of scared to even talk to anyone at school now because of him. I really do feel alone.

"Hey." Samuel says.

I look over to him. "Hey."

We're sitting on the couch trying to watch some horror movie because it's that time of year to watch that Halloween garbage. I don't even know what is on the screen, I let Samuel pick. Like how everything is his choice now.

"What did you think about that?" He asks as he points to the screen.

All I can see is a girl with a lot of blood all over her white clothes. She's screaming and right at her feet is a dead body.

"Bad acting and bad effects."

He rolls his eyes. "I didn't mean that, I mean by that death, who do you think the killer could be?"

I sigh. "I don't know."

Before the conversation could go on, Samuel's phone goes off. He quickly pauses the movie and then answers the phone.

"Hey boss." He pauses. "Tonight? Now?" He looks over at me. "Are you sure there is no one else?" He pauses. "Alright, I will be there in ten minutes." He hangs up the phone and looks over at me. "The guy who was supposed to lead the night shift just called out sick."

"So are you going in?"

"Sadly, I am." Samuel hands me the remote. "But watch the movie and don't spoil it for me. I want to finish it with you, but you need to get into it."

"Okay."

He stands up from the couch and kisses my forehead. "I'll see you later."

"Love you."

"I love you."

Samuel then rushes out of the apartment and this huge weight of relief comes off my shoulders. This is the first time since we've moved to California that I have a night to myself. I look over at the screen and then turn it off. There is no way in hell I am watching this movie.

I stand up from the couch and then walk out to the back porch. I sit on the chair and look out into the city. It's so peaceful. I feel so at peace without Samuel being here tonight. All the fear and stress has simply gone away. This isn't right. This isn't healthy. This is what I deserve though. This is my fault.

I pull out my phone and start scrolling through Facebook to see what my family is up to back at home. It seems like everyone is having a good time without me. They deserve to, though. Even Wade is doing good. Three months sober? Yeah, right.