I Hate You More

Didn't You Know

Remington

I sat in the plastic chair and leaned my head against the back of the wall. It was three in the morning, and I was sitting in the waiting room of the emergency room, waiting to figure out what was going on with Harlen. We had been there since about four pm but, they had only taken her back about an hour ago. For some reason a woman covered in her own blood, wasn't as big of a deal to them as it was to us.

"Rem!"

I opened my eyes and looked in the direction I heard the voice from, and saw Jamie and Renee. I was instantly on my feet, and wrapping my arms around the girls as they got closer.

"How is she?" Jamie asked, concern stitching her brows.

"I don't know yet."

"No word after all this time?" Renee muttered her question, causing me to shake my head slowly.

"How's Gianna doing?" I said.

"She's a little shaken up," Jamie shrugged as we took a seat, "I mean, she's worried about her big sister but, we all are so, I can't really blame her. Shy and Larisa are at the house with her."

"God," I shook my head with disbelief, "they've both been through so much shit, and it just keeps fucking coming."

Jamie laid her head on my shoulder, "I know. They're the last people that deserve all of this."

The three of us sat in silence for what felt like forever. The silence wasn't awkward but, it certainly wasn't comfortable. It felt tense, like we were all on edge.

"Excuse me," A feminine voice caught all of our attention immediately, "I'm looking for the people here with Harlen Fields?"

Her question brought me to my feet instantly, "What is it? Is she ok?"

The doctor had an unsure look on her face, "She'll be ok. Are you her significant other?"

I nodded my head slowly and held my hand out for her to shake it, "Yeah. Uh- Remington."

"Ok," She sighed, "I'm going to need you to walk with me, so I can tell you what's going on."

My face held an expression of pure confusion as I looked back and forth from where Jamie and Renee were sitting, and where the woman was standing.

"Uh- ok?"

I followed the gesture of her hand, with her closely behind. We walked in silence for a couple of minutes.

"I'm sorry," I said abruptly, "can you tell me what is happening? This is all super confusing, and I just want to make sure that my- girlfriend- is gonna be ok."

We weren't officially together- which I was kind of kicking myself over at this point- but, I didn't really know how else to phrase it. I don't think Harlen would've minded.

"She's a little shaken up but, she'll physically be ok."

"She will be ok? I thought you said she was ok? What's wrong?" I focused intently on the woman's face, and could tell she was trying to protect me from something.

"Ms.Fields is unfortunately suffering from a miscarriage."

My eyebrows raised, and I barely kept a scoff from leaving my lips, "Sorry- what?"

"I understand you're probably in shock but, this is actually more common than most people think and-"

"What?" I said again, this time, the shock and hurt, more evident in my voice.

The woman placed her hand on my arm in a failed attempt to comfort me, "Did you- did you know she was pregnant?"

I shook my head, "I'm sorry. I think I'm gonna be sick."

"Here, let's sit down," She said softly, "can I get you a water or anything?"

"Why didn't you help her sooner," I yelled, "you just left us sitting there for how fucking long without doing a single god damn thing!"

The doctor flinched at my shouting but, remained calm nevertheless, "There was nothing we could've done to stop this. I understand that you're upset, and in pain right now, but I need you to take a deep breath. I can't have you in that room with her right now unless you are calm. Ok?"

I took a deep breath, going in through the nose, and out through the mouth, and nodded my head slowly.

"What am I supposed to do?" My voice cracked towards the end of the question.

"All you can do now is be there for her. It is very important for Harlen to have someone there through this. It's also extremely important for her to be treating her body right through this process. Things like drinking enough water, staying mobile, and eating healthy. Try not to endure too much stress."

"Is that everything?" I chuckled dryly through the few tears that had strayed down my face.

"Pretty much," She shrugged sadly, "but also don't push her too much. She's not completely through this process yet and it could take up to another week until she's completely through it."

I stood up, and without thinking, wrapped the doctor in a hug.

"Thank you so much," I paused to read her ID badge, "Rachel, and- and I'm sorry for yelling. Can I see her now?"

Rachel nodded her head, and lead me to the room Harlen was staying in. My mind and heart were racing. I didn't even know she was pregnant. I couldn't help but, wonder if there was something that I could've done to stop it, or even make it less painful for her. I couldn't help but picture what it would've been like to start a family with the woman I was madly in love with.

"Remington?"

Harlen's voice cracked as she spoke, and I could tell she had been crying from the redness in her eyes. I didn't say a word as I walked to her bed, and pulled her into my chest. My heart broke as her sobs grew louder, and it killed me that there was nothing I could do to help feel her better, or take it back. All I wanted to do was protect her, and it seemed like she had been right along.

I couldn't.