I Hate You More

Use Your Legs

Harlen

"To our album finally being fucking done," Remington yelled as he held up hit glass of whiskey, "and to our last show of tour!"

We all let out a chorus of cheers. We had just completed our last show, which was in L.A, and everyone we knew came out to it. Phoebe, Jamie, Renee, Shy, even Gianna was at the show but, Renee took her home right afterwards. I didn't think it was a great idea for a seven year old to be at one of our after parties because, let's face it, crazy shit was always bound to go down.

"Now let's get fucked up!" Sebastian yelled causing everyone to follow suit.

I took a sip of the water I was holding. We had all been drinking for three months straight, and I was personally partied out and taking it easy. Remington on the other hand, was downing shots left and right.

"We're so proud of you," Phoebe beamed as she took me into a hug, "but I'm also more than happy to have you back home."

I smiled at her words, and kissed her on the cheek.

"Do you think you'd do it again?" Jamie chimed in before taking a sip of her beer.

Touring with four absolute children, that seemed to need someone watching over them 24/7? I looked at the boys who were already drunk, and singing the chorus to a random song, and a smile overtook my face.

"Yea," I nodded, "I do."

"Yeah," Phoebe scoffed playfully, "maybe you and Remington could go on a tour of your own."

"Shut the hell up," I chuckled, shoving her lightly in the side, "speaking of Remington. Where the hell did he go?"

Phoebe looked to where the boys were, causing me to follow her eyes. Now both Remington, Emerson, and Shy had disappeared. I connected the dots of where Emerson, and Shy went pretty quickly, as well as reminded myself not to knock on his door for the rest of the night.

"I don't know," Phoebe shrugged, "maybe you should go look for him."

I rolled my eyes at the smirk on my friend's face but, walked out the back door regardless. There were people all over that house. I finally found Remington throwing up in a nearby bush.

"Harley," He beamed as he all but tackled me in a hug, "how's my girl doing now that we're all done?"

His girl? I was too comfortable with the way that phrase rolled off of his tongue.

"Seems like I'm doing better than you." I chuckled.

"Ha ha," He slurred out, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into him, "you're so funny. You know- you- you- you always know how to make me laugh."

Remington leaned down, and placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek, causing me to let out a groan, "That was gross Rem."

"Shh," He chuckled, "you like my kisses and you know it."

My heart skipped a beat at his words, "Not when you've just finished throwing up."

He chuckled deeply.

"Come on," I chuckled as well, "let's get you inside."

I helped Remington to the upstairs bathroom of the house, which was hard considering he was letting me do all the work, "Come on babe. Use your legs."

He let out a childish giggle but, the smile wiped from his face as he rushed to the toilet. I looked away at the retching noise.

"Fuck." He sighed before sitting on the tile and leaning against the wall.

I sat down next to him, warranting him to rest his head on my shoulder.

"How ya doing Ratatouille?"

I patted his leg in response to the groan he let out. After a minute, Remington lifted his head and lazily focused on me.

"What's up?" I smiled.

"You're so beautiful," He whispered, "sometimes, when you're close enough to me, I find myself counting your freckles."

My heart rate picked up at his declaration. I tried my best to remember that he was just drunk as he caressed my cheek with his hand. His soft but calloused hands that were cool at the fingers due to the rings he was wearing.

"and you're eyes," He beamed, "are like honey. You know, I always think about the night we met. I wonder what would've happened if my brothers didn't piss me off. Maybe I would've been in a better mood. Maybe I would've been nicer to you, and realized how much you mean to me sooner."

I started to tear up. Had he felt this way the whole time?

"Harlen," Remington looked at me as if I meant something, "I think I'm in love with you."

All I could do was stay silent. I didn't know what to say because, that was the last thing I was expecting to leave his lips. All this time, he's felt this way, and he'd been pretending like we were nothing.

"I've tried. I've tried so hard to stop thinking about you, and I can't don't it. Now, I don't want to."

"Rem-"

"I know," He interrupted, "I know it's crazy, and stupid. I'm sorry, I just-"

I cut him off by placing a soft kiss on his forehead, "It's ok Rem. Why don't you just get some rest, and we can talk about it tomorrow ok?"

Remington sniffled before nodding his head and taking the hand I offered him. I pulled him up, and across the hall, into his bedroom.

"You know," He smiled, "we've never had sex in an actual bed before."

I rolled my eyes at his drunken attempt to change the topic, and pushed him onto his bed to take his shoes off, Goodnight rat."

My hand was in his doorknob when he spoke again, "Harlen. Do you have to go?"

I didn't want to go. More than anything, I wanted to turn around and curl up next to him but, I couldn't. He didn't need someone like me. Someone broken, and a mess. Remington needed someone that could be there for him, and that wasn't me. It couldn't be. I had too much shit wearing me down.

"Yeah," I turned around and placed one more kiss on his forehead, "go to sleep. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright. I love you." He said.

He didn't give me the chance to respond before drifting off, and that pushed me out of his room silently. Surely he didn't mean it. He would probably wake up tomorrow and tell me it was a mistake. Nobody was meant to love me. I was raised to believe that I was unlovable, and useless. Why would that change now?

"There you are," Jamie shouted before taking in the look on my face, "are you alright?"

"I'm alright," I smiled weakly, "just wore out, and not feeling too well."

I guess it wasn't a complete lie.

"Oh ok," Jamie nodded unsurely, "do you want me to get you some more water or something?"

"No," I sighed, "I'm just gonna head over to get Gi, maybe spend the night at Renee's tonight."

"Sure," She smiled warmly, "do you want me to drop you off?"

"No," I kissed her cheek, "the uber's on its way. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Ok, I love you."

"Love you too."

My words came out weakly, and quietly. I pushed the front door open and took a cigarette out, lighting it after placing it between my lips. I didn't call an uber. I just needed to clear my head. So, I walked. Renee only lived about two blocks from the boys, and sure it was late at night but, I needed the air. I needed the silence. As I kept walking, my mind was going a million miles a minute. Now I couldn't get him out of my head. I thought about what we could be. My head was giving me every reason to walk away but, my heart was telling me to go back and tell him that I loved him back. I was probably about half way to Renee's before I decided I wanted to turn around. To go back to Remington but, by then, it was too late. It all happened so fast. I took about three steps in the direction I was just coming from, and then I felt something hard deliver a blow to the back of my head.

After that, everything went completely dark.