Here am I walking alone in the silence. I don't wanna lose it now. I don't want to cry about him.
I look at the clock and it's already late. Maybe I should end it here. Maybe I should leave this cruel world.
I see myself standing on a top of a building, watching every light watching every star. I just want Noah to be my guard. The sky is still mad and it's still raining. But what about Diana? Who'll take care of her? I'm being selfish for this? Alot of questions are filling my head. I just can't do it anymore. The whole time I've been lying to myself saying that I'm okay and I'm sick of this. "I'm not okay" I yell. "I'm dying inside and smiling outside" I yell again. I fall to my knees I wanted to cry but I couldn't, no tears went down only anger and disappointed. "Emily don't, don't do it" I hear someone yelling from behind. I turn around and meet Robin. I look at him with guilt in my eyes. "I'm sorry-" I say but he cuts me with. "Calm down, it's fine" he says."nothing is fine robin" everything is screwed." I say yelling. He tries to get closer even though I'm on the edge. "Look we all have bad days and I know I freaking know this feeling. Maybe I'm the one who felt it the most" he mutters. "But doing this act won't help you" he mutters again. "Please Emily I'm begging you come" he says with a tear in his eye. "Robin I'm in love with a person which destroyed me you know how much this hurts!?" I yell."my whole life have-" I couldn't complete my sentence. I'm out of breath. He comes closer and pulls me from my hand, until my head touches his chest. He slowly puts his hand on my hair. I sniff in his shirt while crying. I cry and cry until I can't anymore. "Why's this happening to me robin" I say crying. "I gave him everything I had I've loved him more than I love myself " I say. The rain is still heavy and now we both are wet. "We have to get down" he says. "Robin I'm slowly dying" I say with tears. "I'm not knowing myself anymore" I say again. He looks at me with pain. "You have to be strong Emily, you can't end life because of a guy, you can't stop time because of a guy" he says. "You're not understanding" I yell. He looks at me with anger and disappointed. "Let's pretend you did it, let's pretend you ended this, Do you think he'll care? Do you think he'll come to you apologizing at your grave?" He says with teary eyes. "do you think it's worth it Emily?" He says yelling back. No answers. I can't find answers. I just shake my head repeatedly thinking of every question. "Let's get down" he says. "Let's leave this place".
I open my eyes and a strong light is hitting my eyes. I remember absolutely nothing about yesterday. But all I remember is that I was devastated. I look around and find nothing. All I could notice is that I'm in a stranger's house wearing someone's shirt. But this shirt smells familiar. It smells like robin. "How're you feeling now?" I hear someone talking from inside. "Robin?" I ask questionaly. "Yeah it's me don't worry, I made you breakfast" he says while entering the room with the breakfast. He puts it on the bed beside me. "I made you eggs with bacon." He says with a huge smile on his face. "I'm so sorry for what happened yesterday" I say. "It's okay Emily, trust me nothing bad happened". He replies. "No- I mean about not watching the fireworks with you" I say. He looks at the ceiling and then looks me in the eyes. "It's okay" he says putting a hand on my shoulder. "Now eat your breakfast before it gets cold" he says. I know that he's running from the topic but I'm really curious to know how he saw me? Was he stalking me?. "Why were you on top of that building" I ask him.he takes a whole minute to reply and then he says: "Because that building is where we were supposed to watch the fireworks from" while standing up. He exits the room with silence. Ugh I feel bad now. The guilt is eating me up. I check my phone and it's all wet. I open it and I can see 99+ notifications from Diana. Gosh I forgot about her. But the issue is my phone isn't working anymore. I hold my phone and enter the kitchen where robin is. I hand him my phone. "You wanna call someone" he says. "You see Diana called me yesterday and I just want her to make sure that I'm fine." He hands me his phone. "Thanks" I say. Robin entered his room and he gave me the space to talk to her.
Half an hour have passed, and our call ended. I knocked on his door, to return his phone. "Enter"he says with his calm voice. The moment I entered I caught him, he was shirtless, and his body is a work of art, I can tell how much he works at the gym, all these muscles. But what stole my eyes is his tattoos, each tattoo is saying something, each tattoo is different. I'm in the corner of his room, and I know that I shouldn't be here, but I can't help it. He looks at me, and smiles. A gentle smile, "My shirt looks better on you than on me". I smile. "How's Diana" he asks. "She's fine, but can I know where's my phone?". He giggles, "it's with me" wait what? I say to myself. "Your boyfriend messaged you yesterday, I can see that he's also worried about you" he says. What boyfriend? Did Noah message me? I hope he didn't. But a side of me is still begging for his message. "Can I have my phone" I say ignoring what he said. He hands me my phone with a bright smile. He exits the room with silent.
"Hey goddess, how's your night so far".
This message was sent from Eli, and why the hell did he message me at 10pm? This time was supposed to be spent with Robin. But too bad it didn't go as planned.
I enter his living room and I find Robin, on his balcony, the balcony is attached to the living room, it's a small round balcony. "Do you mind if I join you" I say with a soft voice. He nods. He hugs me, a soft hug. "You're okay now?" He asks with sweetness and kindness. I nod "yeah I'm better thanks". He smiles even harder."your clothes are dry now" he says. "Thank you" I say and take them. I enter the toilet and change them.
After changing, he took me to the hotel. I watch him as he works. He works so neatly, the way he works, the way he treats others is just so nice. He gives me hope, that there's some people out there who still innocently care.
I'm back at this room, I sit on the floor and remember every second of last night every word I said, every answer and every question.
