Seeing her cry, made me weak. Especially because the reason she's crying is because of me.
The way she looks at me, gives me goosebumps. Her eyes lost the spark, and I lost hope. Her words cut me deeper than a knife. She looks away and then looks back at me I can still see her teary eyes. "Did you forget me Noah?" She asks. "No Emily.." I say directly. "You came alone?" I ask? She doesn't answer. And that's okay because who I'm to know? Who I'm to even care? "Noah, I hope I never see you again" she says with nodding. "I hope I'll never hear your voice again" she says again. The feeling that I'm feeling right now can't be described the pain I'm feeling right now doesn't have words. I just went quiet. I smile. Don't cry, don't cry I say to myself. "So all we had is gone now?" I ask her. She looks at me with pain in her eye
s. I can see all of her sadness. She nods and she moves. She's not hugging me anymore. But I deserve it I know that because what I've caused her can't be described too. But her eyes can speak more than her words. The eyes never lie. "Why?" She asks? "Why did you do this?" She asks again. "Look you have the right to-" she cuts me by saying. "Stop making excuses, stop hiding behind your excuses Noah!" She yells and she starts shaking so hard. "I can't do this" she says. Before leaving the door. She shuts the door so hard. I close my eyes. "Why do I always mess up"I say to myself. "Screw me, screw everything" why does this hurt? Damn. Every word she said is right. Every word she said moved something in me, but she doesn't hate me. "God why's this happening to me" tears start to roll down my eyes.
All of a sudden I see myself getting out of my hospital bed. I don't know how I managed to get out but I did. I did it. I opened the door and shut it harder than Emily's shut. I see myself running. But it's dark, how am I supposed to see her? I just want to talk to her. I wanna see those eyes of hers.
I see a Shadow. It was her Shadow. "Emily I know you don't want to see me or hear my voice anymore, but I can't do this also, it's really hard Emily" I say hoping she'll hear me. She looks at me and says. "What about leaving me Noah? Wasn't it harder?. Did you think it was easy Noah?" My eyes meet my feet. "Emily listen to me". She exist the hospital door. But I still follow her. "Emily listen to me please". She doesn't look back this time. She kept walking. Rain drops start falling from the sky. Until these rain drops turned into heavy rain . It's raining now and under this dark sky there's only 2 people. Emily and I. Emily looks at the sky. "Do you know what comes after rain?" She asks me. I wanted to laugh but my feelings and emotions are all over the place. I shake my head repeatedly waiting for her answer. "Rainbow, but my rainbow never came. " She says. "My rain did end, but my storm didn't" she says. I hold her hand and pull her to me until our eyes meet each other she's so close that I could smell her perfume. She still hasn't changed her perfume. It's still the same. We are both wet now every second rain is getting heavier and heavier. I touch her wet hair. And remove it from her face. "It's great that it's raining, atleast now we can't see each others weakness" I say. She smiles and looks at the sky. "Crying doesn't make you weak Noah, but leaving without an explanation does. Leaving me at my lowest also does make you weak." She says. I hate myself more than anything. This moment and these words are destroying me. "I'm sorry" I mutter. She smiles,"I forgave you" she replies. She pushes my hand from her. "Don't follow me" she says. And all of a sudden I'm alone. In the heavy rain. "Why does this hurt" I yell. "and I didn't mean to hurt you Emily, why are you hurting me" I yell again. But nobody replied. All I could hear is the storm and the heavy rain slapping the ground. I'm all wet now and in the middle of nowhere only darkness. Out of nowhere the nurse appeared that nurse which spilled the coffee. She smiles at me like nervous smile." You good?" I nod. "Just take me back to the hospital" I say "I don't want to stay here" she nods. This girl is really kind, she gave me a blanket and made me tea and she stayed next to me all night. "So what were you doing under the rain alone?" She asks worriedly. "I wasn't alone" I replied. "I was with...with my thoughts" I say again completing my answer. Her eyes are confused and that's okay because I'm even confused of what just happened. "I hope that you won't have a cold now" she says. "Yeah no I'll be fine" I reply. She smiles, and she brings me another blanket. "Do you want more sugar for you tea?" She asks. "Nope I'm good" I reply. "Alright that's cool" she says. She looks away and then she looks at me, "I need help" she says. I'm shocked actually because why would a nurse ask me? But I nod "yeah what's up?" I ask.
"I've been being sexually abused by my uncle, and I usually come to the hospital to make me forget stuff, I think that I help people because I can't help myself".
Oh no. I'm so sorry for her like she actually looks the sweetest. "How can I help you" I ask?
"By listening " she answers.
We spent hours talking about her trauma. And I don't know how to feel about it.
