I Won't Accept Your Regrets

Chapter 148

"Your Highness, if you run around like that, you will fall. Walk more calmly."

"Aha!"

After lunch, I walked around the garden with Raymond and Carlisle.

At first, I planned to go home immediately after lunch, but Carlisle wanted to visit the flower garden. Of course, this is what happened.

There was still an awkward silence between Raymond and me, but Carlisle in front did not know that.

However, walking together was not too uncomfortable thanks to Carlisle's endlessly pouring laughter, which I rarely hear lately.

I glanced sideways at Raymond, who was now walking beside me and watching Carlisle.

He has not said a word since we entered the flower garden.

And during the meal it was the same.

The maximum that he could squeeze out of himself was the answers to Carlisle's questions.

And even now, even though we are walking together, there seemed to be an invisible border between us.

Not long ago, I walked with him in the garden, but this walk was completely different from the moment when he reminded me of memories from the past.

Come to think of it, even when I shared a bedroom with him yesterday, he didn't bother me.

At first he announced that he would lie down on the couch.

And then...

He left without even waking me up.

He must have seen that I was sleeping like a dead woman.

It was not against etiquette, but it bothered me.

It was embarrassing.

"Ouch."

Having fallen into the abyss of my disturbing thoughts, I did not see the stone in front of my feet.

The moment my body leaned forward, I felt a firm hand on my wrist.

"Empress, are you okay?"

Of course it was Raymond. Our eyes met, and I saw his puzzled face.

Whether he wondered how I had not noticed the stone in front of me.

I almost stumbled as I thought about him.

Of course, he couldn't read my mind. This whole scene was too embarrassing.

I answered, hiding my eyes in shame.

"Everything is fine."

I wanted to continue my walk.

But then he again took my hand.

In my questioning look, he gave me an explanation with a calm face:

"The Empress is deep in her thoughts today... That's not good. Hold my hand or you will stumble again."

"I..."

"I'm just worried. There is no other intention."

As soon as I opened my mouth, he added.

Unlike me, with my scattering thoughts, his gaze was extremely calm.

It was easy to reject his gesture.

But do I really want this?

I asked myself this question.

There was only one truth - he hasn't got out of my head for the whole day.

When we walked around the flower garden, or sat in the dining room, I kept pretending to care about Carlisle, but it was Raymond who captured my consciousness.

'So don't think it's because I hate Mom and you. It's all my fault.'

From the moment he told Carlisle that it was all his fault.

And why do these words bother me so much?

The bitterness in his voice greatly changed my opinion of him, whom I have always considered selfish.

I thought that even his apology was really about reconciliation with his own soul.

"Empress?"

I was lost in my thoughts about him again.

So I came to myself from a low voice, and then I took his hand. He shuddered, and I saw his eyebrows crept to his forehead.

It was a sign that he did not even think that I was capable of such a trick.

I myself was surprised.

My movement was reflexive and seemed to happen by itself.

Stories from the palace folk will creep again ...

I spoke slowly:

"If you are uncomfortable, I will let you go."

"No."

Even before I spoke, his hand gripped mine tightly. As if he was not going to let go of his now.

"Mom, there are violets!"

When silence fell between us, Carlisle's voice told us of his new excitement.

Now I turned directly to Carlisle.

"Your Majesty, be careful."

I spoke to Carlisle, but all my consciousness is now gathered in my palm.

My nerves, my skin, could no longer ignore the rough texture of his hand, nor the warmth of his body.

Trying to brush aside all the feelings mixed in me at once, I turned to Carlisle without opening my hands.

5 days later.

The newspapers quieted down about the Sios family, just as the Imperial Palace quieted down after the Crown Prince was named.

And today, after so much time, I drank tea with the daughter of the Marquis Celine.

I caught a glimpse of her at the reception, but we haven't spoken in private for a long time.

"How is the marquise's health?"

"Our whole house is overjoyed at the grace of her majesty. Nowadays, the Marquis even goes out into the city and attends banquets."

Rosalyn thanked me with a shy smile.

"This is good news that the Marquis is on the mend. And in recent days I have heard many stories about the Marquis Celine. You know?"

"Yes? Whatever my father was to blame..."

At that moment, Rosalyn's eyes widened.

House Céline was susceptible to petty gossip, apparently due to the fact that the Marquis spent some time in exile.

I looked at her eyes trembling with concern, grabbed her hand and quickly said.

"No no. This is no gossip, but the news that as the Marquis of Celine has assumed a new position, the knights are praised for the fact that they have completely changed from the past."

"Ah... this."

"The other day, His Majesty also praised the Marquis Celine for her honesty."

"Does His Majesty say so?"

"Right."

This was not a lie.

After the day Carlisle deigned to visit Raymond, we occasionally dined together.

And it wasn't because of my feelings for Raymond, but because of Carlisle.

My son's words struck me that day. I learned that Carlisle all this time simply could not express his concerns.

It was a shock for me, so I decided to give him time together with Raymond.

Of course, at first I did not think that I would also participate.

"If mom doesn't like it ... I don't like it either."

Carlisle's stubborn attitude ultimately forced me to fly a white flag.

"Your Majesty and the Emperor have taken care of our family. Now we do not know how to pay for this mercy... Thank you very much."

"It's a matter of course to keep a faithful servant in good standing. Thank you so much that the Marquis and his daughter are doing everything possible for the common cause of the Empire."

"Of course. Your Majesty."

"Lumont is pleased with how the perfume business is flourishing. But are there any difficult places? Is Lumont harassing you too much? "

Rosalyn's perfume was gaining explosive popularity.

After Raymond publicly showed interest in them, orders poured in here and there.

Not only from the Empire of Egrit, but also from other countries.

So, of course, Rosalyn would not have pulled such a thing alone.

Therefore, it was ordered to seriously spur the production of perfume, and attract more people.

I thought that after that Lumont would not push Rosalyn out of the way. His gaze, glimmering greed for profit, crossed my mind, so I just asked.

"Nothing like this. Not at all. Rather, he is attentive to me if it is difficult for me to fulfill orders. I can just make perfume for my own pleasure."

"Good. If difficulties arise, report to me at any time."

"Don't worry, Your Majesty."

After sitting in silence for a while, I brought up an uncomfortable topic.

"How are things in secular society now? I myself should have met with the vassals, but I still can't get my hands on it. I wonder what they say about the new prince?"

The reason I called Rosalyn today was because I wanted to ferret out trends in high society.

The perfume business was doing well, and naturally, the position of the Celine house rose as well.

Thanks to this, the family was invited to all sorts of gatherings of nobles.

She probably heard a lot more stories than I did.

"Everyone has high hopes for His Highness the Crown Prince. Oh, and everyone was curious."

"Curious what?"

"His Highness's mentor has not been determined yet. Now there is a lot of ranting about when everything will be decided, and who it will be. They want to compare with the teacher of the first prince ... Oh, I shouldn't have mentioned him."

It would be unpleasant to hear about the first prince again.

Although I have safely fought off their attacks, the Sios family is still targeting mine.

"The mentor of the first prince is a great man. Of course, there will be such conversations."

Count Martin, the first prince's teacher, was the Empire's leading scholar.

Previously, he was the director of the Imperial Academy.

Before the advent of Carlisle, Edmund was the second person in the empire after the emperor. It was natural that his teacher was a great man.

Until Carlisle becomes emperor, they will endlessly be put on a par with Edmund and compared.

That made it even more important to find a mentor for Carlisle.

"Your Majesty the Empress. Have you decided on the teacher of His Highness yet?" Rosalyn asked cautiously, as if a little worried.

"There is a person to whom my heart pointed. But I have not yet received an answer from that."

"Oh, you've already spotted someone. Of course, that person will think twice about taking on such a great responsibility."

"No, no... It's just that his hands won't reach him."

"Yes?"

As if she couldn't understand, Rosalyn had a puzzled face.

"We'll have to wait for his return to the empire."

She lowered her head, as if my meaningful words were more and more confusing her.

The door to the living room opened.

Helen came up to me with the news.

"Your Majesty the Empress. They say that the person you are looking for has arrived in the lands of the empire."


"Did His Highness come to the Emperor's call?"

"No. The Crown Prince suddenly deigned to move to the Palace of the Sun, told us that he wanted to see His Majesty."

"Is he himself?"

Carlisle took a similar initiative?

It was hard to believe in this, but it turns out that it is true.

A servant wouldn't bother me.

'His Majesty... Is he very busy?'

'Mom, when is His Majesty free?'

'So the emperor won't come today?'

All of a sudden, the few questions that Carlisle meekly asked me came to my mind.

"He had this in mind back then."

After the day he played with Raymond and sprained his ankle, he often reminded me of the emperor.

Until then, he had not uttered a word about Raymond.

On that day, his fear vanished as if by hand?

Now I can't even guess what Carlisle is thinking.

I was still standing in front of the Empress's palace upon hearing the unexpected news.

"I will go to the Sunny Palace."

"The Emperor and His Highness are dining in the dining room."

In front of the door to the familiar dining room, I stopped for a moment.

My last memory of this place was not very good.

Here I said goodbye to Raymond.

The dining-room door swung open, and a kitchen page appeared with an empty tray.

The servant left, and the butler tried to report my arrival.

At this time, Carlisle's voice rang out through the open door.

"I'm all curious: why can't my father live with me and my mother?

I raised my hand to silence the butler.

Telling the butler to leave, I silently stepped back from the door.

All this, just to hear what was hidden there, in Carlisle's head.

"My mom says my dad was too busy doing something very important to live with us... I know it's a lie."

Carlisle's voice hit me right in the heart.

"The fathers of my friends came home at least once every few months, no matter how busy they were ... But I had never even seen my father before."

"And when my mother told me about my father, I was so sad. I knew that even if I waited, my father would not come. But I was curious. My father left because he can't stand my mother and me? "

I knew that he was thinking faster than his peers. However, I didn't know that his thoughts had taken him that far.

I thought that this would be better for Carlisle, but I did not ask his consent to this.

Maybe I left him too big a scar.

Now I feel like there is a heavy stone on my chest.

"Nothing like this. It was definitely not so. I could not come because..."

I heard Raymond's insistent voice. I felt that he was excited by what he heard.

When I was about to step inside, a low, choked voice rang out:

"What I hate is what I said to your mother ... It's all because I hurt her. I made a very big mistake and could not come."

"A mistake?"

"...Yes. So don't think it's because I hate mom and you. This is my fault."

"Well, so, and now you are reconciled with your mother?

Raymond's answer came belatedly.

"Your mom will take time to forgive me. And I'll wait until your mother's heart thaws."

"How difficult everything is with you, - I heard Carlisle's displeased groan.

I gathered my courage, opened the door and entered.

"Carlisle."

"Mom?!"

Is it because I called him by his name after so long? Carlisle suddenly jumped up from his seat and ran towards me, as he used to.

"You ate. Come on, sit down."

"We can eat together."

Carlisle said relaxedly. Indeed, lately he has been treated with emphatic seriousness, but now he has received indulgence.

"And more... How about having dinner together later?"

Raymond's cautious voice was heard.

Looking up, I saw that unsightly tense face.

He was afraid that I would say no.

Of course, I didn't want to have dinner with him. I came here with one thought that I need to pick up Carlisle.

However, what I overheard pushed me to strange thoughts.

He was so sincere when he said that our separation was his fault.

His guilt before Carlisle was worth more to me than any of his regrets.

"Good. Let's eat together."

Others will find it strange if I take Carlisle from one dining room and straight to another.

I sat down across from Raymond, thinking this to myself.

The servants quickly arranged new dishes.

It was all Carlisle's favorite food, as if it were a selection.

"Mom, this is so delicious," Carlisle said, pointing to a plate of smoked duck meat.

"Really? I'll have to try, if you say so."

Avoiding Raymond's gaze, I deliberately feigned interest.

I didn't want to reveal his confusion to him.

And after I pretended everything was okay, an awkward silence fell between me and Raymond.

The harmony of the family meal was only slightly preserved thanks to Carlisle, who chatted incessantly.

***

"Khem-khem."

There was a cough in the room.

"Milady ..."

A woman's voice rang out, mixed with sobs.

"Your mother's condition... her... she ..."

Lisa stood at the window, looking at the sunset, and turned to a certain woman.

The weeping middle-aged woman was the maidservant of Marquis Sios and once her nanny.

And she was now holding the hand of the former Marquis Sios, breathing heavily.

Lisa said quietly:

"Hillan. Call a doctor."

"Oh, yes."

Hillan hurried out of the room, and Lisa went to her mother, who was lying in bed.

Her mother's face, drooping from a cough mixed with blood, was white as a blank sheet of paper.

She was initially unhealthy. Now the family fell apart, and her husband was in disgrace. Her condition worsened from shock.

Even though she said to call her a doctor, Lisa knew that there was no hope.

"Lisa..."

Her mother, blinking slowly, called to her. Lisa took her mother's hand, hiding her bitterness.

Sitting down by the bed, she smiled as she took her withered hands.

She was her mother, the one who was always oppressed by an aggressive father who was unfriendly to Lisa herself, and her mother could not serve as a shield against the tyrant father.

Nevertheless, from youth there are good memories of love on the part of the mother.

Her mother would have lived happier if she had not met her father.

"Mom. I'm here."

I turned to my mother, whose consciousness was already slipping away. That gaze turned to me.

"Lisa, Lisa ..."

There was no strength in the trembling voice. But when I saw how anxiously she was calling me, it seemed that she wanted to say something.

Do you want to tell me the last will?

Mother beckoned me to come closer.

"Speak, please. Mom."

"Lisa... From my father... still there is no news?"

My mother's voice, interrupted by breathlessness, was filled with despair.

Foolishly, her mother still thought that her husband could return to the family.

The Marquis Sios has already fallen.

However, there is no need to tell the cruel truth to a dying mother.

"My father will soon return to the capital. His Majesty summoned him again. Dear mother, soon we will be able to live as before."

My lies gave my mother a faint smile.

"Good news. I am pleased. I believed the Marquis would return, "my mother muttered with a joyful face.

I could not squeeze anything out of myself at such a moment.

But then my mother sighed heavily. And blood spat out.

She vomited blood every day.

And as the blood volumes increased, I intuitively realized that there was little time left.

As I wiped her bloody mouth, my mom held out her hands to me.

"I dreamed again that Leon was back. Oh, if he was here... I would like to..."

The mother slowly closed her eyes.

Lisa squeezed a bloody scrap of cloth in the darkened room.

Broken family and taken away title.

And today her worthless position seemed even more painful as she tended her dying mother in an old two-story mansion.

Who would have thought that her life as the mother of the first prince would be so miserable in an instant?

"Ellie..."

It's all because of her.

It's all messed up since her return. Ellie was now content with everything that should belong to Lisa.

Ellie's words were still clear in her memory. Words that said that all this happened because of her stupidity.

It's my fault.

No, it's not my fault.

This is all Ellie, who was no match for Raymond.

How could she become an empress when I was supposed to be?

I was just trying to get back what was rightfully mine.

And now I've lost everything?

No, now even my son has lost everything.

Ellie's child took over Edmund's place.

Haha.

She screamed like crazy.

I can't just quietly sink into oblivion just because I lost everything.

I can't forgive him for taking Edmund's place, even if he dies.

I will not let my son Ellie sit on a throne that does not belong to him.

While Lisa's eyes were burning with fire, a voice was heard from behind the door.

"Milady. The doctor has arrived."

"Make sure she doesn't hurt too much."

"Yes, my lady."

She ordered the doctor and left the room.

Returning to her room, she washed her bloody hands with water and ordered Lily:

"Lily, do you remember what I said the other day?"

"Yes sir."

"And besides that... Find out where Leon is now."

"Good."

Lily left the room. Lisa stared at the reddened water in a silver tub.