Garan slouched on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor. No, not quite. He was staring not at him, would be a more accurate way to phrase it, Face decided. There was nowhere else for Face to sit so he decided to sit beside him. It was oddly personal for such a conversation.
'I need you to tell me what exactly happened on Scipio,' Face asked, his voice low, almost in warning. Don't lie.
Garan flinched away from him as if he'd been hit. 'I'm sorry,' he said, his usually gravelly voice little more than a childlike squeak.
'Tell me what happened,' Face said again, a bit more forcefully.
'I just,' Garan paused. 'I've been so angry, since Rana died. She was everything to me. Not just my twin, but my best friend. It's like there was this hole inside me, like I died with her and the only thing that could fill it was anger and I was angry, just so angry and I - I don't know,' his body wracked with sobs, tears falling into his lap. He continued, the words rushing out of his mouth like a dam breaking. 'I blamed you. It was stupid, I know that now. We both signed up for this. We knew the risks. We knew we might not make it back but I never thought it would happen. I couldn't believe it. She was too good to die and I needed a reason to make it right, make it make sense. So I blamed you. I blamed you for everything. Somewhere in there I forgot about her and made her death all about me and I think I knew that, somewhere, and I hated myself for it but I just couldn't stop. I just got more sad and depressed and angry. And when I saw you there, all alone and the others already gone. It was just me and you and I thought, this could be it. I do this and you're out of my life, and my hurt is out of my life. My anger will go and I'll just have the good. I didn't plan it. I didn't mean it. It was just an in the moment thing. I just - didn't. I didn't slow down and I didn't stop. I just went and didn't look back. It didn't help. I just felt more empty and alone and depressed and I just. I - I know what I have to do. I know how to make it right.'
'You do?' Face asked, overwhelmed. He had imagined this conversation going a lot differently, with him doing more of the talking. And, admittedly, a fair bit of yelling.
But Garan had surprised him with his confession, and surprised him again when he reached under his pillow and pulled out a blaster pistol. He cradled it in his hands.
'I've been trying,' Garan said softly. 'I can't do it. But you can. There's a note. Do it, and tell the others that you tried to stop me. That I - I was just overcome with grief for Rana. I can't, but you can,' he handed the blaster to Face.
Face stared at it in stunned silence. Almost automatically, his hands checked the safety, the power level. He looked up at the person beside him. If it wasn't for Garan, his son might still be alive. He wouldn't have been captured, and Shayde wouldn't have killed him, just to cause Face pain. Tycho would still be alive. He looked at the blaster again.
He threw it to the floor.
'I'm sorry,' Face said. He wiped his eyes as tears began to well up. 'I'm so sorry. I failed you. I failed Rana. I failed you all. I should have been a leader, but I was so caught up in my own issues that I failed to see you. I failed to see that you were in pain. That you were struggling. You shouldn't have been alone in your grief. You shouldn't have had to carry that burden on your own. I'm sorry.'
Face looked away, this time he was the one unable to look at Garan. 'My son died. He was murdered by Shayde, right in front of me. All because Shayde wanted to make me suffer. And if I'm honest, for a moment or two, I did blame you. But it wasn't your fault. And I blame myself, and I know that's silly, on an intellectual level, even if I don't truly believe it fully. I hope that I can, one day. Because I know that the blame rests solely with Shayde. But he's dead now. I just have to live with that loss. Somehow. I don't know how,' he looked back to Garan, laid a hand over his shoulder, then pulled out a handkerchief from one of his pockets and wiped Garan's tears away. 'I forgive you,' he said softly, and the words made Garan shudder as new tears poured from him. Face wiped those away, too. 'I failed you once. I'm not going to do that again.
'That's a promise.'
